Phil ‘n the Blanks

by James Finn Garner

The Northwest, known for its lumber,
Was at a loss to figure Phil Humber
Who deftly dialed the M’s number
In shadows, sun and penumber.
Could Starbucks have ended their slumber?
No matter, their bats were encumbered
In a masterpiece, shaded in umber,
The perfecto for new ace, Phil Humber

Published in Chicago White Sox, History, James Finn Garner, Players, Pure doggerel, Seattle Mariners | Link to this poem | 8 Comments

Phil ‘n the Blanks: 8 Comments

  1. Hilary Barta wrote,

    I would have submitted one, but mine was dumber.

  2. James Finn Garner wrote,

    I find that pretty hard to believe.

  3. Hilary Barta wrote,


    At Wrigley such White Sox perfection
    Will signal some slight introspection
    To consider one’s flaws
    And to give one just cause
    For a swig of Bud Light and dejection.

  4. Stephen Jones wrote,

    Humber’s perfect pitch
    His done-slider mostly it
    Good for The White Sox

    Even though the batter
    Should’ve run to first

  5. James Finn Garner wrote,

    Here’s something Stu posted on Facebook, regarding the Mariners’ Brendan Ryan:

    If you’re losing in a no-hitter,
    Don’t stand there and argue, all bitter!
    You should run to first base
    And THEN make your case!
    If not, your team’s bound for the shitter.

  6. James Finn Garner wrote,

    Wait, I finally got Hil’s first joke from yesterday.

  7. Hilary Barta wrote,

    Wait for it…

  8. Michael X. Ferraro wrote,

    LOVE the title.

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