Stadium Name Game

By James Finn Garner

What to name dear Wrigley Field
As history to commerce yields?

Should it be named for Ken-L Ration
To halt “dog days” for Cubbie Nation?

As ticket prices cull the rank
And file, maybe Citibank?

As young draft picks all go bust,
“Mr. Clean” might lift the dust.

Pepsi Cola? Dell Computers?
Honda Motors? Air-Wick? Hooters?

The problem’s not to name the place—
It’s how to win a pennant race.

We’ll know the team’s completely dotty
If Sweet Lou’s christened “Lou Malnati.”

Posted 4/14/08

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