by Patrick Dubuque

‘Twas octval, and the pravish thrim
Did glate and glibble in the grome
All woolsy were the vitrenim
As the tegris wrast bethrome.

“Beware the Wockenfuss, my son!
The glove that claws, the cleats that slash!
Beware the corn-can-cut, and shun
The pronvistle mustache!”

He took the vorpal orb in hand:
Seeking with nails the laven stitch
And scrying he the fingers three
He gathered up to pitch.

A sinewed serpent’s coil, it stood
The Wockenfuss, with legs askew
It wiffled and glaved the winding wood
And ellipsed, as he threw.

One, two! And three! No contact he
The knuckleball went snicker-snack!
It spun in place, and in disgrace
It went galumphing back.

“Thou hast slain the Wockenfuss?
Hand me the sphere, my roogish gent.
Callooh! Callay! That’s all today.”
And to the showers he went.

‘Twas octval, and the pravish thrim
Did glate and gliddle in the grome
All woolsy were the vetrinem
As the tegris wrast bethrome.

Patrick Dubuque writes the blog The Playful Utopia.

Published in Detroit Tigers, Players, Songs and Parodies | Link to this poem | 5 Comments

Wockenfussy: 5 Comments

  1. Stu wrote,

    This is great on many levels. Thank you!!

  2. Norm Knott wrote,

    Ya took the words right out of my Wocken-puss.
    Great stuff!

  3. Bob Carlton wrote,

    Anyone want to attempt a glossy of the Wockenfussy for us unwashed mass that skipped that class?

  4. James Finn Garner wrote,

    The Jabberwocky is a nonsense poem from Through the Looking Glass. If you go to the Wiki article below, it will show you what Lewis Carroll (and various other people with too much time on their hands) have thought the words meant.

    As for the Wockenfussy, we could spend all season parsing out the words (and may yet). I think “tegris” in line 4 is meant to be the Tigers.


  5. Lourdes wrote,

    Well, I don’t think postseason recrod should really be taken into consideration by the HOF, that is what led to the terrible inductions of guys like Bill Mazeroski and Kirby Puckett. And if you look at Schilling’s comparables they are: Kevin Brown, Bob Welch, Orel Hershiser, Freddie Fitzsimmons, John Smoltz, Milt Pappas, Don Drysdale, Dazzy Vance, Jim Perry, and Catfish Hunter. Only three current HOFers and one likely (Smoltz). I think the names Kevin Brown, Bob Welch, and Orel Hershiser are the ones that stand out more to me here. Those guys are his comparables and while each is borderline, none of them are getting in. If you are going to put Schilling in because of his postseason performance, then what about Orel’s postseason performance? Outside of 1985 (very early in his career) and 1997 (very late in his career), the guy was an absolute ace. Look at his numbers in the World Series for the Dodgers in 88 and even though he took the losses, his two starts in 95 for the Indians were great! He just had the misfortune of facing vintage Greg Maddux in the first game, but did beat him in game 5. The WHIP and Ks of Schill are better, but the ERAs and Ws are just about the same, plus Orel won a Cy Young (something Schill never did) and set the recrod 59 consecutive scoreless innings pitched.

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