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Bonds of Irony

by Stu Shea

 

Whitey Ford and Willie Mays,

Lew Burdette and Elroy Face,

Bunning, Stargell, Wynn, and Rose,

Gaylord Perry, goodness knows!

Famous players, heroes all,

Most of them are in the Hall.

Where’s the “throw the bums out” call

Since they used speed, or scuffed the ball?

***

When Barry Bonds breaks Aaron’s mark,

Skeletons will fill the park.

Bud will lie to us again

About how much he knew, and when.

Fans will throw their hands up high

And try to find a reason why

They ought to go to baseball games

And see stars besmirch their own names.

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Mike MacDougal

by Stu Shea

 

The Royals were frugal

And traded Mike MacDougal.

Chicago now employs him–

He turns ballgames into kugel.

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Shut Up and Pitch Better

By Doug White

“It was a good pitch — at his shoestrings,” Snell said. “No excuses, but this ballpark’s a joke. That wouldn’t have gone out at PNC [Park].” (on Reds’ 4-0 victory over Pirates on 5/28/07, in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

 

There once was a pitcher named Snell

Who didn’t throw particularly well.

When he hung a curve too high,

David Ross let it fly,

Then the hurler gave the poor ballpark hell.

 

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On The Cubs’ Bullpen

by Stu Shea


Some folks take a pill for relief,

But Piniella’s relief

Makes him feel like a pill.


When Howry and Eyre let it loose,

Sweet Lou turns chartreuse

When he looks toward the hill.


It’s just a bad Ohman to see

The rookie, Cherry,

Looking in for the sign.


They’re going from bad to Wuertz,

And watching them hurts

With the game on the line.


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Pirates’ Lament

By Stu Shea

The high seas ain’t what they used to be.

We used to have Willie,

And Bobby Clemente,

And Bobby Bo, Andy, Jim Leyland, and Barry.

Now we have Nady,

And Tom Gorzelanny.