At Long Last, Hu
by Jim Siergey
Bud Abbott befuddled poor Lou
With bit about first baseman Who.
. What once was absurd
. Today has occurred
“Hey, Abbott! On first base is Hu!”
For the picture that Abbott & Costello never lived to see, as well as a great modern retelling of their classic routine, check out this post by PeteyHendrix at Red Reporter.
Gaffe-Be-Gone
by Michael X. Ferraro
Cliff Lee put the “Lee” into “lean,”
So Aroldis picked him off clean.
. Now no ducks on the pond
. But the Phils did respond,
With the Kratz-Galvis Longball Machine!
2013 NL Central Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO
A brand-new playpen?
That’s just a distraction for
Your crumbling bones.
CINCINNATI
As we get older
We learn to use our wisdom.
What’s Dusty’s excuse?
MILWAUKEE
I’d walk a mile for
A Gamel–a healthy one.
Now: power outage.
PITTSBURGH
Brand new calendar,
Same old days. Same old people.
Same old misery.
ST. LOUIS
Another spring, a
Young man in charge–well, young by
Managing standards…
2012 NL Central Prediction Haikus
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO CUBS
Behold the savior!
He slouches toward Wrigleyville
And shops at J. Crew.
CINCINNATI REDS
Scott’s Rolen along
At least as much as one “rolls”
On two rusty wheels.
HOUSTON ASTROS
In a great big barn
The inhabitants will smell…
25 heifers
MILWAUKEE BREWERS
The abdication
Means the Milwaukee lineup
Will welcome the Mat.
PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Pretty park, green grass,
Lovely statue, tasty beer,
Clint Barmes at short
ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Elders leave the grounds,
Leaving the young ones to play
The eternal game.
Phillies 5, Reds 4
by Ember Nickel
A pop-up to Wilson Valdez
To lead off the game, start the top.
A two-run homer in the bottom
Forgotten by the time they’d stop.
The online box preserves its shape:
Room for innings, just one through nine
(What did the real newspapers do?)
One clicks to move along the line.
One needs two clicks to see the start.
Or one to see the reviewed play.
Homer for Bruce, play stands as called–
But Ryan overshadowed Jay
Homering in the bottom half.
The Reds responded, out of kind
Loading up the bases, but
Baserunners proved harder to find
After Valdez’ eleventh-inning
Single. Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, came
And went with zeroes. Hits at last.
But on the linescore, just the same.
Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen. When
To take the risk? No guidebook says
When to bring in Wilson Valdez
Or to take out Danys Baez
Fingers crossed tight for Martinez
Grateful cheers for Raul Ibanez
In the morning, somehow it’s done
And Valdez the unlikely hero
Rises to plateau, one and zero–
While Fisher falls to oh and one.
Ember Nickel likes to play the tenor saxophone, chess, and with the English language. Her website is Lipogram! Scorecard!
