2012 NL West Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
Over(bay) the Miles,
Young men climb Upton a Hill—
This poet’s a Putz
COLORADO ROCKIES
The prime of one’s life
Ends around 40 for all
But Jamie Moyer
LOS ANGELES DODGERS
It’s a Magic time!
Millionaires swap property
And the fans go wild
SAN DIEGO PADRES
Highly paid jocks in
Military uniforms?
A bullshit salute
SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS
The Posey’s a bloom
That needs strong roots around it
Not these flimsy sticks
2012 NL Central Prediction Haikus
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO CUBS
Behold the savior!
He slouches toward Wrigleyville
And shops at J. Crew.
CINCINNATI REDS
Scott’s Rolen along
At least as much as one “rolls”
On two rusty wheels.
HOUSTON ASTROS
In a great big barn
The inhabitants will smell…
25 heifers
MILWAUKEE BREWERS
The abdication
Means the Milwaukee lineup
Will welcome the Mat.
PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Pretty park, green grass,
Lovely statue, tasty beer,
Clint Barmes at short
ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Elders leave the grounds,
Leaving the young ones to play
The eternal game.
2012 NL East Prediction Haiku
by Stuart Shea
ATLANTA BRAVES
So many moons past…
The spring of Chipper gives way
To rust and pallor
MIAMI MARLINS
New house and new name
Young folks up til all hours
The Blizzard of Ozz
NEW YORK METS
They built this Citi.
Now they have to live in it
Short fences or not
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
At the keystone sack
Nothing but questions surface
In this pennant Chase
WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Message from the East—
“Beware high expectations”
Tapped out in Morse code
2012 AL West Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
LOS ANGELES ANGELS OF ANAHEIM ETC.
Albert doesn’t want
Us to call him “The Man,” so
Let’s call him “The Bank.”
OAKLAND ATHLETICS
Manny is Manny.
Elderly is elderly.
Money is wasted.
SEATTLE MARINERS
The only thing worse
Than hitting Ichiro first
Is hitting him third
TEXAS RANGERS
Media outrage
Over Josh Hamilton’s life?
A pile of cow turds
2012 AL Central Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO WHITE SOX
With the mouth gone to
Sunnier climes, will the Sox
Be hung out to dry?
CLEVELAND INDIANS
“Is Grady injured?”
“Was there a Tuesday last week?”
Michael Brantley’s glad.
DETROIT TIGERS
27 games
Before Brandon Inge returns
To reclaim third base.
KANSAS CITY ROYALS
Those young hitters can’t
Overpower the smell of
Five pieces of meat.
MINNESOTA TWINS
Such a nice ballpark
And such nice people watching
Their nice, boring team.
