Browse all poems and songs in the 'Food' Category


Time-Saving Seventh-Inning Anthem

by Ron Kaplan

Buy me some peanuts.
I don’t care.
Let us root root for the laundry;
If they don’t win, meh.
For it’s two strikes, you’re out.
The end.

(Time of game: 2:10)

 

Ron Kaplan operates the very literate website Ron Kaplan’s Baseball Bookshelf and is the author of 501 Baseball Books Fans Must Read Before They Die.



Sgt. Pepper’s 2015 Forecast: Intro

by Stuart Shea

It was 17 years ago today
The home run chase seemed to save the day
But the numbers weren’t what they seemed
Neither Sosa nor McGwire were clean

Here’s regime change for you (if anybody really cares)
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew!

(skin flute solos)

We’re Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew
Now come and pee into this cup
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew
Our game is on the up-and-up

Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew

It’s wonderful to be clean
It gives us such a thrill
To know we’ve purged the game of drugs
Except, of course, for adderall
And liquor pays our bills!

I don’t really want to stop the game
But I’d like to make a little claim
What will happen, can you deduce,
When they legalize a “drug of abuse”?

Have you thought about what that will mean
When 300 million folks ain’t “clean”
Like Sgt. Manfred’s smiling Drug-Test crew?

 

 



Hope Springs a Leak Eternal

by Hilary Barta

Never weep for my Wrigley Field wishes
Though they sleep with the Stygian fishes
They were laid six feet deep
But, decayed, up they creep
And they’ll keep, just like frigging street knishes.

 



Some and Then Some

by Millie Bovich

Some managers spit pumpkin seeds in innings bad or fine,
Some managers come out to chat and won’t step on a line.

Some hitters crowd the batter’s box and twirl their bats on high,
Some batters take a too-close pitch and watch the beaut go by.

Some batters readjust their gloves, then readjust once more,
Then smack the whirling sphere into the parking lot next door.

Some fans will smother up their dogs, while some will eat them plain.
Some fans will watch in blazing sun, some gladly sit in rain.

Some fans will need a beer or three to quench a burning thirst.
Some runners just drink Gatorade when they slide into first.

Some pitchers work a snail’s pace and roam around the mound,
Then wind and throw a perfect strike that makes a sizzling sound.

Some unexpected umpire call will cause the fans to yell
That the authority in question should find his way to hell.

Some rookie out in center field will punch his well worn glove,
Then make a catch spectac’lar that the fans in stands will love.

Some fans will make excuses just to be there Opening Day.
It’s spring again, and time to watch the “boys of summer” play!

And the Tigers’ Ernie Harwell would begin the year the same
With a quote we’ve heard a thousand times before he starts the game.

“The Rose of Sharon blooms again”, ’cause spring is something grand,
“And the voice of the turtle will be heard in the land.”
.

Millie Bovich may be the oldest fan and contributor to Bardball. “I had the pleasure of meeting  All-Star Johnny Pesky when he visited the Detroit office of the FBI where I worked,” she writes, “and met and married a special agent from New York and made a Tigers fan out of him!”



Rendon, Rodon and Rondon

by James Finn Garner

Rendon, Rodon and Rondon
Were drinking beers one day
Their waitress Babs then served the tab
But couldn’t get it paid

For Rendon tore his tendon
When reaching for his dough
And the harlots down in Charlotte
Had left Rodon with diddly-oh

Rondon’s wing was in a sling
His back pocket much too far
So poor old Babs had to eat the tab
And banned them from her bar

 

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