by James Finn Garner
1B Lefty Herring
2B Rabbit Maranville
SS Oyster Burns
3B Joe Bean
LF Buttercup Dickerson
CF Milky Cabrera
RF Ice Box Chamberlain
C Yam Yaryan
LHP William Peppers, Chick Smith
RHP Sweetbread Bailey, Pete Hamm
MGR Rawmeat Rogers
By Hilary Barta
Arrieta keeps throwing the heat
Talking heads say they know he’s a cheat
“Jake has got to be juiced.”
“Guys this hot get a boost.”
They’ll be fed, and it’s crow they will eat.
If you love limericks like every red-blooded American, you need to check out Hilary’s movie-and-pop-culture limerick site, LimerWrecks, every day.
by the Village Elliott
As Giants’ Panda fan since his birth,
Loved the way Pablo played full of mirth–
Ate from both sides of plate,
Now he can’t hit his weight,
Sad he’s unfit to play with full girth.
After the Giants got Panda’s best,
The Red Sox will pay for the rest.
Jints dodged bullet by not
Matching loot Panda got.
Sox fans moan, Giants’ faithful feel blessed.
by Stephen Jones
Phillies’ fan faithful usually
Don’t have much to cheer about,
But thank you Vince Velasquez
For 16 Ks and a shutout.
(Philly blanked San Diego —
It was 3-0 —
And turned the Padres nosh
Into a hero.)
by Michael X. Ferraro
Pablo wanted to belt the ball
So he took a prodigious hack.
But to his dismay, Sandoval’s belt
Is the thing not coming back.
For the video of this wardrobe malfunction, click here.
Michael’s hilarious football book Circus Catch is available from Amazon now.