Stadium Name Game
By James Finn Garner
What to name dear Wrigley Field
As history to commerce yields?
Should it be named for Ken-L Ration
To halt “dog days” for Cubbie Nation?
As ticket prices cull the rank
And file, maybe Citibank?
As young draft picks all go bust,
“Mr. Clean” might lift the dust.
Pepsi Cola? Dell Computers?
Honda Motors? Air-Wick? Hooters?
The problem’s not to name the place—
It’s how to win a pennant race.
We’ll know the team’s completely dotty
If Sweet Lou’s christened “Lou Malnati.”
Posted 4/14/08
Ballpark Food
by Todd Pheifer
What’s wrong with these vendors
Loudly hawking their wares?
An arm and a leg for a beer,
And nobody cares!
Of course I can hold off,
But my kids are entranced
With the cotton candy man
Weaving sugary romance.
He comes down the row,
Waving food at eye level.
Away from us, man!
Your food is the devil!
We’ve brought our own, thanks,
Smuggled in Mom’s big pack,
Peanuts and popcorn
And goodies for snacks.
So enjoy the ballpark
And the shifting strike zone,
But if you want to eat there,
Better take out a loan.
Posted 9/28/07
Viva Bazardo!
by James Finn Garner
Let’s give up a cheer for Yorman Bazardo!
He got his first win, didn’t make it look hard-o!
Let the shouts ring out in the Tigers’ ballyard-o!
Bazardo! Bazardo! Bazardo! Bazardo!
Bazardo! Bazardo! Bazardo! Bazardo!
Just try staying glum while yelling “Bazardo!”
It’s more fun than sex in a trough full of lard-o!
Bazardo! Bazardo! God help me !! Bazardo !!
Posted 9/17/07
