Browse all poems and songs in the 'The Game Itself' Category


An Umpire’s Lot is Not a Happy One

by Patrick McCaughey

(Major League Baseball’s batting out-of-order rule, set to the tune of “The Policeman’s Song” from The Pirates of Penzance)

6.07 (a)

A batter shall be called out on appeal (on appeal)
When he fails to bat in his proper turn (proper turn)
Though the batter’s fate cannot be fully sealed (fully sealed)
‘Til the status of another batter’s learned (batter’s learned).

6.07 (b)

When that improper batter safely gets on (safely gets on)
Or is put out, and the other team appeals (team appeals)
Before a pitch or play is newly put on (newly put on)
The umpire has two rulings to reveal (to reveal):

6.07 (b) (1), 6.07 (b) (2)

Call out whose spot was taken by the other (by the other)
And nullify the play the other batter’s done (batter’s done).
Ah, take one consideration with another (with another)
An umpire’s lot is not a happy one (happy one).

Ahhh
When constabulary duty’s to be done (to be done),
An umpire’s lot is not a happy one.

 



Idle Thought

by Stephen Jones

When the smoke finally clears,
sometime later this year…

The American League East
will be a black ‘n blue beast:

No team a clear winner…
but one a survivor.

Alley fights and turf wars–
they’re waged just that way.

 



MLB All Body Parts Team

by Jim Siergey

1B  Fred Brainard
2B  Chase Headley
SS  Chin-lung Hu
3B  Jim Ray Hart
LF  Walter “No-Neck” Williams
CF  Tony Armas
RF  Chester Emerson
C   Barry Foote
SP  Bill Hands
RP  Elroy Face, Rollie Fingers
MGR  Don Gutteridge

 



Stat Nauseam

by Michael X. Ferraro

Howie Kendrick just became the first
player in MLB history
to break up shutouts of seven runs
or more in two consecutive games,
but the Phillies still stink and so do
stats like this one, which may or may not
be true.

 



Harper/Strickland

by Stephen Jones

Baseball’s a game of skill;
That’s what we all know.
It’s not the NFL,
Where headhunting’s bought and sold.

But what about history
and baseball’s unwritten rule?
When a batter’s tagged a pitcher twice,
What’s a hurler to do?

As a sniper with a (maybe) grudge,
Hunter Strickland thought he had the pip:
He’d aim, then fire. He’d drill Bryce Harper
Dead-on in the hip,

And as Bryce Harper later said,
“At least he wasn’t aiming at my head”
(Although some medicos might concur:
His brains are definitely not up there).

No surprise, Harper charged the mound
And gave Strickland some punches.
Strickland obliged him back, and in the end
It was like a battle of dunces.

When the smoke clears, MLB will admister
Band-Aid punishment to fit the crime:
Each will pay a chunk of change
And probably serve some time.

Just don’t expect MLB
To solve its unseen baggage.
Afterall, like in hockey,
This stuff is good green cabbage.

 

AL East

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Extra Innings

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AL West

NL West

Heavy Hitters

Copyright 2007 Bardball.