by Stuart Shea
Highest stakes,
Sleepy mistakes,
Fan heartaches.
Highest stakes,
Sleepy mistakes,
Fan heartaches.
Dave Kingman would give it his all
Each powerful swing at the ball
But, missing, he’d spin
And, to his chagrin
Would teeter off balance and fall.
Illustration by Jim Siergey
Emannuel Clase
Is certainly not blase
About playing in the All-Star Game
And getting autographs from all the big names.
Juan Soto
Sank all his money in Photo-
Mats. He’d be wiser
To find a new investment adviser.
Corey Seager
Is always eager
To discuss chemtrails.
For clearing a room, it never fails.
Josh Jung
Once stuck his tongue
To a pole in mid-winter
But was in no danger in San Jacinto.
Marcus Stroman
Knows his history, Greek and Roman.
To pass the time on the team bus
He’ll recite passages from “I, Claudius.”
Luis Arraez
Can do that thing with his eyes
Where he looks to the left, then
Moves the left eye alone to the center again.
Brent Rooker
Has nothing against hookers.
Time will tell if he still plays
For the Las Vegas A’s.
Josh Hader
Loves to play Space Invaders,
Galaxian, Centipede, Donkey Kong
And even Pong.
It’s been a rough year for the Pods
Who were meant to be winning, by odds.
While weak has been Bogaerts,
And Machado’s been worse,
Soto’s tapped TatÃs in the grods.
Soto did Tatis dirty
(via @ilivedb1tch) pic.twitter.com/Pb0CuSlHba
— Jomboy Media (@JomboyMedia) July 8, 2023