2008 NATIONAL LEAGUE THREE-LINE PREVIEWS
By Stuart Shea
ATLANTA
Clean Living,
A Fast Outfield,
And a Chipper Jones.
(With apologies to Vernon “Lefty” Gomez)
ARIZONA
Upton can play,
And he’ll need to, no doubt,
If Eric Byrnes out.
CHICAGO
Sweet Lou wants it understood,
That the newbies—Pie, Soto, and Fukudome—will be good
(Knock on Wood).
CINCINNATI
Votto, Bruce, and Bailey make the Redlegs’ future bright.
But with Dusty in the drivers’ seat,
The Kids Aren’t Alright.
COLORADO
While the defending champs get little respect
And their city’s baseball pedigree is suspect
The Rockies are deep—and better than you’d expect.
FLORIDA
A rotation thinner than loose-leaf paper
And one, maybe two, good hitters to savor?
This could get Uggly.
HOUSTON
They need a Pitching ComeBacke.
A NewBourn Attack…
And Hot Towles!
LOS ANGELES
Many pitchers with questions,
Position player congestion–
By now, one hopes Joe Torre has a remedy for indigestion.
MILWAUKEE
Hardy-Harted Men,
Princes with Braun and wise Counsell,
Just need clean Sheets.
NEW YORK
Health to go with wealth.
Johan and Pedro (not Feliciano)
And, apparently, an Angel in the outfield.
PHILADELPHIA
Rollins, Howard, Utley, Burrell, and Feliz
Will give the Phillies plenty of pow.
But can they hit more homers than their pitchers allow?
PITTSBURGH
Steve will Pearce the outfield soon,
With Nady gone by June,
And Jason up on eBay.
ST. LOUIS
Such teams with little hope need luck,
Albert,
And divine intervention.
SAN DIEGO
An outfield and infield of maybes
Could make Padres’ pitchers sick,
But Buddy Black don’t give a Fick.
SAN FRANCISCO
So the post-Bonds era begins,
And no one expects many wins.
Thank God for the Garlic Fries.
A WASHINGTON HAIKU
Two fat first basemen
Could sink their park into the
Anacostia.
Posted 4/2/08
Tales of (Trevor) Hoffman
by Stu Shea
Change-up, change-up.
He makes hitters clowns.
It floats to the plate
And it sits right down.
Change-up, change-up.
Off mediocre “heat,”
You feel real comfy,
But still you get beat.
I wonder if Hoffman
Throws change-ups in bed
Or if Mrs. Hoffman
Likes it “dead red.”
Posted 9/27/07
The Flight of Goose Gossage
by Sandy Marshall
Goose Gossage,
Goose Gossage,
You are your own Bossage,
You have your own mitt that you sign and Embossage.
Goose Gossage,
Goose Gossage,
You always will Flossage,
Your round rolling stone will ne’er gather no Mossage.
Goose Gossage,
Goose Gossage,
You boot up with DOSsage,
You always predict the results of coin Tossage.
Goose Gossage,
Goose Gossage,
Your car drives with Nossage,
And you play like you dance, like the winged Bob Fossage.
(Sandy’s site, with his comedy teammates: Schadenfreude.net)
Posted 8/3/07
