By Stuart Shea
As snakes in the grass
Lie in wait for their prey…Nah.
This team is just old.
Wise beyond his years,
or simply out of his league?
Walt Weiss’ springtime.
Gold, silver, riches
beyond all compare will buy
just one Zack Greinke.
At least it’s always
a lovely place to work on
The perfect suntan.
Ladies: when seeking
wealthy East Bay pensioners,
Look for Series rings.
by James Finn Garner
Despite the choke he’d had before
(When called to the Show by the Pods),
Our Tony’s moving up to Wrigley now
To seek the blessing of baseball’s gods.
Will he take the Cubs to new heights?
Knock the pill out on Waveland Avenue?
At least he’ll put some bums in seats
‘Cuz Ricketts needs the revenue.
by David Bellel
Hughes, what happened to the dream?
You were once wonderful
The future ace of the team
What happened to the fastball of yours?
Now just a bp, gopher ball of yours
Batters granted big smiles from yours,
Sadly and truly.
Hughes, a juicer under a cloud?
We should have traded you away
But the gashman didn’t allow
We’d have IPK to ourselves
Alone and apart.
Not on a Padre team
But safe into our hearts.
By Stuart Shea
Over(bay) the Miles,
Young men climb Upton a Hill—
This poet’s a Putz
The prime of one’s life
Ends around 40 for all
But Jamie Moyer
LOS ANGELES DODGERS
It’s a Magic time!
Millionaires swap property
And the fans go wild
SAN DIEGO PADRES
Highly paid jocks in
A bullshit salute
SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS
The Posey’s a bloom
That needs strong roots around it
Not these flimsy sticks
By Hart Seely
Roy White, you did all right.
Jim Ray Hart, you played your part.
Willie Mays, those were the days!
Matty Alou, is it really true?
Duke Sims, you climbed on limbs.
Sparky Lyle, you made us smile.
Horace Clarke, you jumped the shark.
Matty Alou, we must bid adieu?
Harvey Kuenn, you made the scene.
Juan Marichal, you gave ‘em hell.
Steve Blass, let’s raise a glass!
Matty Alou, we’ll remember you.
Hart Seely’s new book, The Juju Rules: Or How to Win Ballgames From Your Couch, will be published by Houghton Mifflin in time for Opening Day 2012. You can pre-order it from Amazon at this link.