by Tony Puma
“Take me out to the ball game”
Please stand for the National Anthem.
The Home Team takes the field: PLAY BALL!
Bottom of third, man on base,
pitch low and inside, count 3 & 2.
Fastball, strike 3, Batter out.
Man left on base.
The Mick, Duke, Willie, Jackie, Pee Wee,
The Scooter, Yogi, Joe D., Dizzy and Daffy,
Who’s on first. Abbott & Costello.
Red Sox and White Sox.
“take me out with the crowd”
Twi-light double header:
Cardinals and Orioles.
Da’ Reds/Dem Bums/ The Gas House Gang
Murderers Row/ The Bronx Bombers.
Reliever: South Paw ,Knuckleballer, 2.52 ERA.
The Sultan of Swat/The Splendid Splinter.
The Iron Man.
Lou Gehrig’s disease.
“buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack”
Bottom of 7th, nothing-nothing.
Seventh inning stretch.
Padres and Angels.
A No-Hitter/A Perfect Game.
“I don’t care if I never get back”
Designated Hitter/Pinch Hitter.
Foul ball/Double play.
Catcher gives the sign.
Tying run at the Plate.
The Yankees win the World Series!
Brooklyn Dodgers and New York Giants:
Topps Baseball cards.
Indians and Braves.
Can’t anyone here play this game?
“let me root, root, root for the home team”
Rain delay/Box scores/Extra innings/K’s/RBI’s.
Only the ball was white.
Where have you gone Joe Dimaggio . . .
Devil Rays and Marlins.
Frozen Rope/Texas Leaguer.
Bull Pen/Home Plate/Batter’s Box.
Old-Timers Day/All Star Game.
I GOT IT!
“if they don’t win, it’s a shame”
Tagged out/Stolen base.
A swing and a miss.
Pitcher’s mound/Rosin bag/The Rubber.
Red Bird/Phillie Phanatic.
Cubs and Tigers.
A Sinker, down-and-out.
“for it’s one, two , three strikes you’re out
I watch a group of kids playing
baseball in a cow pasture.
“at the old Ball Game.”
by James Finn Garner
When I think of him
Looks like chaw and tar
And a grand har-har
To those squares
Who don’t care
And giving your all
For what you love.
And when push comes to shove,
Had Martinez been 70,
Zim would’ve pounded him plenty.
You’re our kind of guy.
By Stuart Shea
An Appel a day
Would keep the losses away
But he’s not yet ripe.
Ask A. Moreno–
Trout fishing in Cali
Can be expensive.
Free and well-favored,
No-names and others’ castoffs
Find their own success.
East coast import
Finds rain not to his liking
Even under roof.
Wash likes sac bunting.
His fellow skippers are glad
To accept the out.
by Michael X. Ferraro
Stealing a base involves taking a chance.
Even more so when you’re not wearing pants.
Tampa’s half-streaker probably reckoned,
“Low wind resistance’ll help me nab second.”
But security met him at the bag,
throwing him out with an intimate tag.
Michael X. Ferraro is the author of Tased & Amused: A Poetic Recap of the 2010 MLB Season, which recounts such harrowing fan tales as an on-field tasering and a case of intentional regurgitation.
For more coverage of the story, click here.
by Michael X. Ferraro
Baseball in August creates many jobs
for travel agents and typesetting slobs.
Rehab assignments, Triple A spot starts,
Pennant aspirants shopping for spare parts.
Roster gods move in mysterious ways–
David DeJesus, three teams in five days?
Colin Cowgill’s grin, Billy Buckner’s frown.
Holy Toledo, Phil Coke’s been sent down!
Some guys can’t clear waivers; others released,
Plus one salary dump in the NL East.
(The Mets helped Pittsburgh in a deal most absurd—
Just tossed them a Buck and flipped them a Byrd.)
Eduardo Sanchez, gone from the big club.
But Ma Arrieta, Jake’s now a Cub!
Brad Boxberger sighs, packs for the bushes.
John Axford heads where the playoff push is.
Contenders reload, pretenders cut bait.
Hey Tuffy Goseswisch, Reno’s your fate.
Jose Constanza the Braves did recall,
with hopes that he’ll help them deep into Fall.
Philly’s less Savery—no Joe in the bigs;
Report sir, at once, to the Iron Pigs.
Ross Wolf’s been optioned to Round Rock Express,
while the Dodgers scooped up Edinson Volquez.
One-line transactions, a queer kind of fame.
Vic Black, you’ve become “Player To Be Named.”
Xavier Avery’s now a Rainier,
maybe Seattle, he’ll see you next year?
Michael X. Ferraro is a writer/producer/lyricist who scans the fine print daily to make sure he hasn’t been outrighted to Lehigh Valley.