Browse all poems and songs in the 'Pure doggerel' Category

Rabbit Ears

by Stuart Shea

“Rabbit Ears,” the fans all say . . .
“Rabbit Ears,” stick to the play!

Don’t chase after players; don’t be dumb,
Don’t look for a reason to use your thumb

Don’t be so sensitive to criticism,
Even if your work is seen through a prism

That blows up each and every mistake
That a home plate umpire seems to make.

Otherwise, plate umpires soon may be
As useful as rabbit ears on a TV.


White Sox Thanks for Danks

by James Finn Garner

Dear Lord, we now give thanks
That your boy, our John Danks,
Is feeling stronger every outing
And confident about an
Improvement in delivery
That’ll sure make batters quivery.
We’re grateful that he never quits
And seemed unfazed by all those hits
He serves with regularity
(Another branch of White Sox Charities?)
And his positivity with the team–
He remembers just what “Grinder” means
And loves this game more than anyone–
But it’d be great if he ever won.


Giving the Mudhens the Bird

by James Finn Garner

He flubbed a fly, then flipped the bird
Tyler Collins’ pique was absurd
Smart Tigers fans knew when to boo
Now Toledo laments, “What did we do?”


Ol’ Ketchup Sock Does It Again

by James Finn Garner

Transphobic remarks
A predictable mark
On the post-game career of Curt Schilling.
Not out of synch
with how this dolt thinks,
But ESPN always proved willing

To give him a pass,
Jock sniff and kiss ass–
Somewhere else, he’d’ve been canned in a trice.
To call his “free” speech
Is a ridiculous reach,
With hate, fear and regression the price.


Colon Ranger

by Michael X. Ferraro

Conjuring his Inner Say Hey Kid,
Bartolo decamps from the mound.
Sprinting so fast he loses his lid,
He covers a whole lot of ground,
And hauls in Galvis’ base-hit bid–
Yet another Colon foe clowned.


For a clip of Colon’s play, click here.

Michael’s hilarious football book Circus Catch is available from Amazon now.

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Copyright 2007 Bardball.