Browse all poems and songs in the 'Pure doggerel' Category


You Don’t Know Jackson

by James Finn Garner

Edwin Jackson
Might have some action
Left in his fastball, batters fear,

‘Cuz Baltimore signed him
His “best” years behind him
His 12th team in 14 years.

Buck, it’s a mirage–
He can’t hit a garage,
Throws as straight as a cluster of starlings.

Looks like Duquette’s
Willing to forget
His results with the Cubs and the Marlins.

And the Tigers.
And the Padres.
And the Braves.
And the White Sox.
And the Dodgers.
And probably the Pilots.

 



MLB All Body Parts Team

by Jim Siergey

1B  Fred Brainard
2B  Chase Headley
SS  Chin-lung Hu
3B  Jim Ray Hart
LF  Walter “No-Neck” Williams
CF  Tony Armas
RF  Chester Emerson
C   Barry Foote
SP  Bill Hands
RP  Elroy Face, Rollie Fingers
MGR  Don Gutteridge

 



Don’t Need the O-K

By James Finn Garner

Francisco, the K-Rod of lore,
Can’t get batters out like before.
Bought by Detroit for a bag of rocks,
He now harangues reporters to squawk
No coach ever asked about his demotion.
Where did he ever get the mad notion
That, at his current level of play,
Ausmus and Dubee needed his okay?

Whether by smoke signal, carrier pigeon or love letter,
There’s only one message for you, pal: Pitch better.

 



A Shot of Jameson

by Stuart Shea

He ain’t no lazybones.
And ain’t he got some stones?

 



Air Raid! Air Raid!

by Stephen Jones

The Bronx Bombers leveled Baltimore
With their home stand of “Rolling Thunder”.
Their high-flying offense dropped runs, 38;
They carpet-bombed Birds, who managed just 8.

And if these metrics alone
Weren’t enough of a feat,
Bombardier Judge launched one . . .
496 feet.

 

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