MLB All-Counties-of-Ireland Team

1B   Wayne Tyrone
2B   Cavan Biggio
SS   Bunny Downs
3B   Jeter Downs

LF   Shane Mona[g]han
CF   Kerry Dineen
RF   Russ Derry

C     Corky Miller

LHP  Mike Kilkenny
RHP  Kerry Wood, Kerry Ligtenberg, Kerry Lacy, Kerry Taylor

MGR   Mayo Smith

Owner  Tom Monaghan

Mid-Spring Beat Up

by James Finn Garner

Can our boy Judge come out to play?
At noon our foursome tees up.
Sorry, fellas, not today,
He’s sorta mid-spring beat up.

That man Aaron is one hunk of thirst,
The girls at the club wanna meet up.
No no, ladies, training comes first,
He’s a bit mid-spring beat up.

At the hotel, the maids are asking,
Can Judge ever put the seat up?
Bending over? That’s multitasking
For someone mid-spring beat up.

Should I renew my season seats,
Watch my savings get eat up?
Baseball gives your pains surcease
‘Til you get mid-spring beat up.

 

Metsamorphosis

by Jim Siergey

“Can’t anyone here play this game?”
Casey asked his forces
Then saw that his team, the Mets
Had become the Metsamorphosis

Six legs are certainly faster
Than the measly two
Six hands perform much better
In keeping balls from getting through

But gripping bats and swinging
Proved to be quite hairy
As no bug could hit no better
Than big ol’ Marv Throneberry.

Nothing to Hide Here

by James Finn Garner

This season’s new sheer slacks
Provide some things the game now lacks

A visible swing, a casual sashay
As sometimes seen in the NBA

New fans may be attracted!
Other players (no names, please) distracted

Gabby coaches will look like fools
When yapping about a player’s tools

And the evidence will add a new wrinkle
To discussion of anyone’s “launch angle.”

 

Life is Good

by James Finn Garner

Winter’s been raw as a campout in Banff,
Your new basement walls are moldy and damp,
Your curtains caught fire from a knocked-over lamp —
.      Relax!
.      Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

Your check-writing hand’s developed a cramp,
Your bills are all due and you ain’t got a stamp,
Creditors cling to your neck like a clamp —
.      Smile!
.      Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

Your yard is now split by a new freeway ramp,
Your son is engaged to a gold-digging tramp,
Your “guitar hero” neighbor’s just bought a new amp —
.      Life is good!
.      Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.