Browse all poems and songs in the 'Pure doggerel' Category


Free and Fair Trade

By Stuart Shea

What’s the price
For David Price?
A bowl of rice
With a ton of spice?
A new device
That gives advice?
A pair of dice,
or Heidi Fleiss?
A box of lice
Would not be nice,
and a bunch of mice
Squashed in a vise
Will not entice
A deal for Price.

 



Frank Thomas

by James Finn Garner

A Ferrari swing
In a Hummer body

A lumbering frame
On limber ankles

A clean blood test
In a filthy era

The Big Hurt on the field
The big heart in the speech

Paying the price
Of small-market loyalty
But it’s oh so nice
To be Cooperstown royalty

 



Unctuous Aiken Poem

By Stuart Shea

Houston drafted a pitcher named Aiken
Then said he was damaged, though his elbow ain’t achin’.
No one agreed on appropriate bacon,
Makin’ non-achin’ Aiken’s a special deal-breakin’.

 



Springertime in Houston

By Stuart Shea

This George Springer–
A real humdinger,
From-the-heels swinger,
Highlight bringer,
Bad-pitch stinger,
But for all we know
He’s not much of a singer.



Deep Thoughts (Inner Monologue of a Gopherball)

by Michael X. Ferraro

Giancarlo, when I approached,
Via soft-serve toss of a coach
I foolishly said, “Let’s be friends!”
But instead I now have the bends.

As I rocket o’er Target Field,
McCutcheon gasps and Gordon squealed.
My path now is parabolic
Forget ‘roids– are you bionic?

Mr. Stanton, I hold no grudge.
I’m a baseball, not a judge.
The fans swoon like they’ve seen Kirby
as I leave this Home Run Derby.

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