Browse all poems and songs in the 'Pure doggerel' Category


No Bravery This October

By Stuart Shea

Leaving Atlanta for the suburbs,
Swimming upriver like the other turds,
A bad team with no personality
And a logo strictly for the birds.

A dumb manager and no GM,
Folding down the stretch again,
Stuck with Chip Caray on the mike
And a press corps of yes-men,

Once this was America’s team,
Murphy, Maddux, Glavine, even Bream,
They’ll be sitting at home this October,
And don’t it make you wanna let out a
Big
Happy
Scream?



In Other Retirement News: Konerko

by James Finn Garner

Helping keep South Side baseball alive
Manning the rudder in 2005
Plus a grand salami that wasn’t no jive
More than mere baseball, he’s
Our Paulie

Hard to see him as a Dodger or Red
No froth of praise ever clouded his head
Didn’t spout any line and meant what he said
More than mere baseball, he’s
Our Paulie

To the up-and-comers a mentor and sensei
His swing and his fielding held nothing fancy
For all of this century, the right side wasn’t chancy
More than mere baseball, he’s
Our Paulie

 



Jake Arrieta, Opportunity Knocks

By Stuart Shea

Jake’s pretty tough–
He has no-hit stuff
Each time he goes out to play.

It’s hard to countenance,
But giving him a chance
Just wasn’t the Oriole way.

 



Playoff Letter to The Yankees

by Stephen Jones

Dear Yankees: You’d better grasp
Your playoff circumstance.

With just a month to play,
It’s time for you to seize the day.

The games you should have won
Now haunt you.  Are you  done?

Wake up offense!  Shake off slumber!
Hello team . . . it’s now September.

Yours truly, and all the rest . . .
But you’d better put out your best.

P.S.: Otherwise, it’s game over -
And a sad end for Derek Jeter.

 



Full-on Collapse, Rhyming Dictionary Edition, Part 1

by Stu Shea

It’s most un-Athletic
To play so pathetic.
I’m quite empathetic,
But it ain’t copacetic
To lose one’s aesthetic
And become an emetic.
Perhaps a prosthetic
Would cure this pandemic,
Or maybe just someone who can hit a fsckin’ baseball.

 

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Copyright 2007 Bardball.