Browse all poems and songs in the 'Pure doggerel' Category


WCRAPPY in Cincinnati

Baby, if you’ve ever wondered,
Wondered whatever became of me,
I’m pitching in the ‘pen in Cincinnati,
Cincinnati, boy are we cra-a-appy.

Getting tired from bailing out our starters
The worst in homers, walks and ERA
Sure, we won’t ever catch the Cubs or Bucs
But with shelling like this, our fans need combat pay.

It’s crappy and I pitch for Cincinnati . . .

 



Blue Jay Mother Goose

by James Finn Garner

Little John Gibbons
Has lost his mittens
And doesn’t know where to find them.

He gets tossed from the game
Time and again
To search the clubhouse where he’s confined, then.

 



The Saga of Battlin’ Mike Barrett

by James Finn Garner

A repost for the 10th anniversary…

This is the saga of Battlin’ Mike Barrett,
A tiger of a man with fists of ore.
He’d raise his dukes and take on all comers,
Regardless the color of jersey they wore.

His mighty hands landed many a blow.
He never backed down from a brawl.
But such hardened paws don’t do you much good
When your job’s to be fielding the ball.

 

Originally published 6/14/07.



The Punch Heard ‘Round the World

by Stephen Jones

In baseball, since time began,
Players and clubs never forget.
What you did, you Blue Jay man,
We’ll repay . . . That you can bet.

Bautista must’ve known this
When he faced off with Texas.
His flip of the bat last year
Really burned the Rangers’ ear:
The unwritten code was broken
And some revenge must be taken.

He got plugged and went to first–
That should’ve ended Ranger thirst.
But when he slid hard into second,
Mr. Bautista didn’t reckon
He’d end up in a stadium ring
With Odor, who took the first swing.

Now, of course, it’s all the news
On ESPN, YouTube and other venues.

 



MLB All-Refrigerator Team

by James Finn Garner

1B  Lefty Herring
2B  Rabbit Maranville
SS  Oyster Burns
3B  Joe Bean
LF  Buttercup Dickerson
CF  Milky Cabrera
RF  Ice Box Chamberlain
C   Yam Yaryan
LHP  William Peppers, Chick Smith
RHP  Sweetbread Bailey, Pete Hamm
MGR  Rawmeat Rogers

 

AL East

NL East

Extra Innings

AL Central

NL Central

Poems by Type

AL West

NL West

Heavy Hitters

Copyright 2007 Bardball.