Browse all poems and songs in the 'Pure doggerel' Category

Behind the Curve

by James Finn Garner

The Cubs had their fill
Of Rich Hill
Losing with every curve
Their nerve
Waving futile flutters
At his cutter
Trying “Not to Suck”
Without luck


Just a Heads-Up

by James Finn Garner

When Kershaw pitches, why show up?
There’s better things to do — wise up!
Hang decorations from your stirrups
Take up pottery and throw a cup
Go to Tindr for quick hookups
Inventory your Dixie cups
Visit a shelter and adopt a pup
Invent a new, no-glute ketchup
Lip-synch “Build Me Up Buttercup”

But don’t take your at-bat. Just give up.


When He’s On, Your Chances Are Nonexistent

by Michael X. Ferraro

Wanna clobber Corey Kluber?
The very notion is absurd.
His yakker’s as hard to sit on
as the eggs of a dodo bird


Hey Clevelanders! Michael X. Ferraro wrote a satirical novel called Circus Catch that examines the plight of being a football fan in your otherwise sport-tastic town! Look for it now!

Big Papi’s Final Thoughts

by James Finn Garner

Tell me, has it come to this–
To be outhit by Coco Crisp?
To win outright the AL East,
Then be swept out like autumn leaves?
To watch my teammates flailing madly
And our hurlers piching badly?
Then step out for a curtain call
And have all Fenway watch me bawl?

I know I’ve won three rings, but still–
I’m not quite set to give up the thrill.


Floundering Fish of Florida Fire Home Run Leader

by Stephen Jones

In Runs Per Game, the Marlins stank
Like a dead fish out of water.
Their slugging percentage was also rank,
So they fired Barry Bonds — as they oughtta.


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Extra Innings

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Heavy Hitters

Copyright 2007 Bardball.