By Stuart Shea

Nyjer Morgan? What a jerk,
Putting catchers out of work.

Doesn’t get on base a lot,
Doesn’t use the speed he’s got.

Doesn’t understand the game,
Hasn’t got an ounce of shame,

Fighting with obnoxious fans,
Tossing baseballs in the stands.

The silver lining to this song?
He won’t be here for very long.

by Stephen Jones

An appendix in a forearm
A tendon described as “extra”
Is now elsewhere used

And is amazing surgery

A year’s worth of recovery
Required – and now the mind
Has to trust to relearn

The arm still has magic

by James Finn Garner

Tons of money for the owners.
Ignorance of player-dopers.

More exploitative contract bids
For dirt-poor Caribbean kids.

A baseball classic for the world
Where U.S. players rarely hurled.

With anti-trust still holding fast,
Small-market teams still finish last.

Now, Milwaukee celebrates this schwanz
With a Selig statute cast in bronze.

Posted 8/30/10

by James Finn Garner

So the news comes that Mark McGwire
On the subject of juice was a liar.
Plus, it’s a good bet
That water is wet
And it hurts to grab something on fire.

“I’m not here to talk ’bout the past,”
Mark blurted to Congress so fast,
Whatever the pride
He had that day died
To give a defense so half-assed.

To get a job working for Tony,
Mark had to confess his baloney.
He was juiced to the ears
The homer-soaked years,
A fame-drunk, preposterous phony.

To get in the Cooperstown Hall,
McGwire will wait for his call
Til Hell freezes over,
The sea swallows Dover,
And Sammy parleys like Bill Engvall.

Posted 8/29/10