Browse all poems and songs in the 'Stu Shea' Category

Torii Hunter is Retiring

By Stuart Shea

Farewell, Torii,
Always a good story . . .
With your amazing catches,
Your religious dispatches,
Your homers and doubles,
Your OBP troubles.
You don’t like gay marriage,
But you don’t have to get one,
And I hope you enjoy the rest of your life,
With your kids and your wife.


The Alcoholic Cub Fan’s Next Request

By Stuart Shea

I’d rather drink Harvey’s Bristol Creme
Than watch Matt Harvey shut down my team.


A Couple of Things to Say To Your Do-Gooder Liberal “Friends” When a Guy in a Game Gets Badly Injured by a Dirty Play

By Stuart Shea

The knockdown pitch is a part of the game.
The occasional fracture the price of the fame.
The late, brutal slide is the way it’s been done!
And watching the pain?—Well, we might find it fun.



By Stuart Shea

Farewell, Buehrle,
Never surly,
Perfect game and Series ring.
Sox fans wish you everything.

Huddy, boy, you’ll be missed,
South and north, east and wist.
Auburn, Atlanta, by the Bay,
222 wins ain’t hay.

Jeremy Affeldt said goodbye,
Left the field and maybe cried.
Made some cash, answered the bell,
Made himself some friends as well.

Aramis Ramirez
Hopes for a Seriez.
He’s played a lot of ball,
But not much in the fall.

A.J. Burnett wants the same:
Play more than one October game.
And yes, he really cares
To play a role for the Corsairs.

And who else out there will call it quits
When the uni or job no longer fits?
Or the outright release came?
Who’s played his last game?

Barry Zito? Dan Haren?
A-Rod, Colon, or Beltran?
Latroy Hawkins, Betancourt,
Or some other old man?


Mike Pelfrey is a

By Stuart Shea

He said all spring he wanted to start,
But his pitching this year smells much like a
Don’t matter who’s batting, he’ll just get a hit.
It’s clear the guy just pitches like


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Copyright 2007 Bardball.