Browse all poems and songs in the 'Stu Shea' Category


Alex Rios’ April

By Stuart Shea

Signed to a deal by the Royals–
A chance to retighten my coils.

Given an everyday job,
Replacing that Aoki slob.

Drilled by a rookie in April–
Knocked me on my ass like a vape will.

Out for six to eight weeks,
A delight to those analyst geeks.

 



Sgt. Pepper’s 2015 Forecast: Intro

by Stuart Shea

It was 17 years ago today
The home run chase seemed to save the day
But the numbers weren’t what they seemed
Neither Sosa nor McGwire were clean

Here’s regime change for you (if anybody really cares)
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew!

(skin flute solos)

We’re Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew
Now come and pee into this cup
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew
Our game is on the up-and-up

Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew

It’s wonderful to be clean
It gives us such a thrill
To know we’ve purged the game of drugs
Except, of course, for adderall
And liquor pays our bills!

I don’t really want to stop the game
But I’d like to make a little claim
What will happen, can you deduce,
When they legalize a “drug of abuse”?

Have you thought about what that will mean
When 300 million folks ain’t “clean”
Like Sgt. Manfred’s smiling Drug-Test crew?

 

 



National League West 2015 Spring Training Haiku

By Stuart Shea

Diamondbacks
One perfect lesson:
“Toughness” is no replacement
for smarts and talent

Rockies
The car will not go
if Car-Go cannot go for
more than half the trip

Dodgers
If Vin Scully calls
a game on SportsNet LA,
does anyone hear?

Padres
Best way to catch flies?
Simple. Put shit in your field!
Oh, wait…they’ve tried that

Giants
The World Champions
now go begging for alms to
replace their lost pence

 



National League Central 2015 Spring Training Haiku

By Stuart Shea

Cubs
A Sure Thing is not
called “A Sure Thing” unless it
hasn’t happened yet

Reds
Jason Marquis back?
Surely this is a sign that
the world is ending.

Brewers
For one final spring,
Aramis Ramirez tries
to avoid diving

Pirates
Could Clint Hurdle
be the Bucs’ final hurdle
to winning a title?

Cardinals
Some with a fresh start
Will soar higher than they could
Down in the southland

 



National League East 2015 Spring Training Haiku

By Stuart Shea

Braves
“The Braves will be good”???
…what I like about the South
Is its humility

Marlins
Oh, Giancarlo,
Is 300 mil enough
To stand Loria?

Mets
It was a bright day
When the Wheel fell off the cart
Leaving three good ones

Phillies
Men with few assets
Should not bargain as if they
Can afford to wait

Nationals
The young man acts young;
His elders, who know better,
Lecture and complain

 

AL East

NL East

Extra Innings

AL Central

NL Central

Poems by Type

AL West

NL West

Heavy Hitters

Copyright 2007 Bardball.