Browse all poems and songs in the 'Stu Shea' Category


A Challenge for Poets

by Stuart Shea

What the heck rhymes with Kyle Schwarber?

Well, ’60s jazzer Alan Lorber,
And that dancing Greek named Zorber,
And folk singer Steve Forber(t),
And . . .
And . . .

I’m at the bottom of the pail,
And I don’t want him to fail . . .
But his name is odd, I fear,
So he may not have many poems here.

 



Bottom of the Charts–All-Star Break Edition

By Stuart Shea

As we pause before the second half,
It’s good to have a little laugh.

Zunino of Seattle is batting like sh**–
With 100 Ks and just 40 hits.
His OBP is the lowest of all,
At .223, he’s slowed to a crawl.

At least he can catch and hit some home runs,
While Omar Infante just ponders what was.
Nearly an all-star despite his bad year,
Hitting .236; there’s no positives here.

You want some odd stats? Billy Ham’s on a spree–
His 44 steals lead all MLB.
But he’s hitting .220 and does nothing else well,
So his OPS trails the entire NL.

The Brewers would love to trade veteran arms,
But Kyle Loshe and Matt Garza have lost all their charms.
ERA’s over 6 and 5.55,
They won’t fetch a scratched copy of “Stayin’ Alive.”

Some other pitchers whose names we all knew
Were expected to win but just haven’t come through.
C.C. Sabathia has learned how to lose,
Like Kyle Kendrick, Rick Porcello, and even Phil Hughes.

Yes, the second half ought to be fun for us snobs,
But not for the guys who are fighting for jobs.



…of All That is Seen and Unseen…

By Stuart Shea

Never got to see
Parc Jarry.
Ebbets and the Polo Grounds
Remained unfound.
Forbes Field
To me unrevealed.

But I did run with glee
Through old Comiskey
And Tiger Stadium
Was like a palladium
And Milwaukee County
An endless bounty.

Dank, damp, and rusty,
Outmoded and fusty,
But to me much more fun
Than Wrigley, say, has become.

 



They’re ALL Stars in Kansas City

By Stu Shea

Hey, K.C. fans! Embrace the absurd.
No matter how foolish, it’s your time to be heard!

Vote with your heart instead of your brain–
Instead of Mike Trout, vote Lorenzo Cain!

It’s been so long since the Royals could play,
You’re making a point to the whole U.S.A.

Miggy Cabrera? He ain’t no good.
So just vote for Hosmer–we knew that you would.

And Omar Infante’s the one for you,
Even if he’s hitting .192.

And sure, Alex Rios is on the DL,
And he ain’t that good anyway…but, what the hell!

Click on his name, click all the Royals,
As Western fans grumble and Easterns recoil,

But don’t blame us–we won’t be the goats–
If the A.L. loses on account of your votes.

 



The Title of This Poem About Last Night’s Cubs/Indians 17-0 Game is Longer Than the Poem Itself

By Stuart Shea

The Indians stunk out the joint,
and the Cubs converted the extra point.

 

AL East

NL East

Extra Innings

AL Central

NL Central

Poems by Type

AL West

NL West

Heavy Hitters

Copyright 2007 Bardball.