by Hilary Barta
When cramping and losing your grip,
Don’t panic! Get fluids and sip
And so systems won’t flood,
Enlist the old spud,
That champ of snack foodstuffs, the chip.
Dealing with cramping in his right hand, Cubs pitcher Jason Hammel was told by his doctor to eat more potato chips for their potassium.
By Stuart Shea
Held a passel of baseball cards
Dating from before his birth
(His time on earth
Not even a thought)
Has become famos
As catcher for the Nats–
Must be the way that he squats.
Likes to golf indoors.
As dangerous as his home gets,
His kids have learned to wear helmets.
When his mind meanders
Imagines himself in toque, cape and shorts
Savior of the Great White North.
Is such a fussy eater
On every dinner date
He asks an ump to brush his plate.
If he had to put dibs in.
Likes all his shrimp jumbo
And when he orders, it takes
A shovel to serve his Baltimore crab cakes.
Likes all kinds of pets
But he has no use
We don’t want to be nosey
But why do the #Giants even appear
At games in odd-numbered years?