Season’s Last Day Oakland Sportswriter Blues
By Stuart Shea
The Cardinals are blanking the Astros again,
And they’ll make the playoffs if the Braves can’t win.
I wish I was there for this wild-card craze,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Hey! Tampa came back from a 7-0 hole,
Dan Johnson just tied it–right off the foul pole!
I’d love to be seeing the Yankees and Rays,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Did Baltimore really just walk off the Sox?
And Papelbon pull one more of his rocks?
So Tampa and St. Lou are in. I’m amazed
That I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
It’s cold in this pressbox at Safeco Field,
And watching a meaningless game is the yield.
The action is elsewhere, and it’s one of those days.
I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Braves’ Leaky Pen
by Brad Cleveland
The bats have finally come to life
but things here still don’t seem right
Uggla can’t get going here
and Linebrink fills the fans with fear
every single pitch he throws
has a fan’s heart coming up his throat
for fear the game will soon be lost
and then a home run ball is tossed
when will Fredi make a move
let Venters close and Kimbrel groove
his fastballs in the 8th instead
so we can try to get ahead?
we can’t beat Philly 2 of 3
and then get smothered by D.C.
makes no sense if you ask me!
Ode to Oddibe
by Jim Siergey
A wildcat did prowl
The wind began to howl
and Oddibe McDowell
belongs in a Bob Dylan song.
.
Jim Siergey is the author and illustrator of the Cubs alternate history If They Did It. You can see more of his illustration work at his website here.
NL East 2011 Haiku Predictions
By Stuart Shea
ATLANTA BRAVES
It’s a New Brave World,
New players, new chief, newspeak,
And an old Chipper.
FLORIDA MARLINS
A Southern poser:
If teams play in the forest
Will anyone care?
NEW YORK METS
Luis Castillo
Will drop pop-ups someplace else
This sunny summer.
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
The best rotation?
Either what the Phillies have
Or the earth itself.
WASHINGTON NATIONALS
Despite higher Werth,
From Ankiel to Zimmerman
They’ll still be boring.
In Which I Try to Compensate for the Lack of Rhymes for “Conrad”
by Ember Nickel
Oh, what is to be done with Brooks
If you can’t blame umpiring crooks,
Nor looming Giants, hated mooks,
Nor your peers, inadvertent schmucks?
Pilfer question marks from scorebooks
Recording dodgy moves by rooks?
Pelt him with food from angry cooks?
Hope he retreats to distant nooks?
Or just give him frustrated looks
And celebrate Cox’ final hooks?
The peerless Ember Nickel blogs at Lipogram! Scorecard!
