Browse all poems and songs in the 'Songs and Parodies' Category

You’re A Flop!

by Patrick McCaughey

With apologies to Cole Porter:

You’re a flop!
You’re U.S. Steel!
You’re a flop!
You’re an Arby’s meal!
You’re the bunch of bums
That keep my Tums stock low.
You’re Zsa Zsa’s hubbys!
You’re those Poor Cubbies! You’re Broglio!

You’re the mistakes
Of the “Ishtar” writer!
You’re the brakes
On James Dean’s Porsche Spyder!
You’re a worthless nine,
You’re Jewish wine, you suck!
You’re that black cat!
Sosa’s corked bat! You’re Banks’ luck!

You’re a flop!
The futile prayers I prayed!
You’re a flop!
The ‘84 parade!
You’re a trip to hell
To where Piniella’s coaching next!
You’re Elia’s hate!
You’re Zimmer’s pate! You’re really hexed!

You play as poor
As warped LPs do!
Yes even more
Than Ticketmaster fees, too.
You’re the cause
Of much applause for games you drop!
In St. Louis and New York, well, you’re the top!

You’re a flop!
Each fall I cry a river!
You’re a flop!
You’re Harry Caray’s liver!
You’re the thing
That hits in spring like Tunney’s punch!
You’re watered gin,
A Cardinal win, a Pete Rose hunch!

You’re as unsure
As Yogi Berra’s diction!
As a tie score
When Carlos Marmol’s pitchin’!
My heart can only take so many flubs!
It’s no disease that’s gonna kill me-
It’s you Cubs!


“The Golden Voice of Vin Scully” by Dan Bern

April 8, 1974 (Side 1, Track 1)

By Stuart Shea

It was 40 years ago today
The Bums came to ‘Lanta to play
Al Downing tried to pitch with style,
But Hank hit the ball a country mile.

So let me introduce to you—the righty with the mighty swing…
Henry Aaron’s record-breaking bomb !


The brand new edition of Stu’s book, Wrigley Field: The Long Life and Contentious Times of the Friendly Confines, is on sale now.


“All Future and No Past” by the Baseball Project


by Vern Morrison

Sung to the tune of “God Bless America”:

Man with a glove
You’re a catcher
And I betcha
You’re the man Red Sox fans love to love!

From the fenways
To the heartland
And the places in between
You sure are keen!
You sure are keen!

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Copyright 2007 Bardball.