by Andrew Porter
Of Jewish baseball cards, there’s quite a selection,
But I’ve assembled the biggest collection.
And the prideful fans who’d like to see ‘em,
Will love to tour my Baseball Museum.
There’s dozens of tales about every big league Jew,
So I hope not to bore you if I share just a few.
Hank Greenberg was a Tiger, tall with game
And he’s now enshrined in the Hall of Fame.
Today they’d say, “That kid can rake!”
With his 100-plus ribbies at the All-Star Break.
But the hero knew what he was needed for:
He served the longest in the Second World War.
Returning late in ’45 to lift Detroit from a frightful jam,
He clinched the pennant with a walk off grand slam.
And those who know no facts, must surely know Koufax.
Greatest lefty of them all, youngest elected to the Hall.
The Jewish fans screamed at the top of their lungs!
He had four no-hitters and three Cy Young’s.
Two thousand strikeouts and plus some more,
Then skipped the Series on Yom Kippur.
Moe Berg, a ballplayer with nary a flaw.
Princeton undergrad, Columbia Law.
A catcher for the White Sox — the Senators too.
But also a spy during World War II.
He traveled to Germany with orders to kill
And stealthily filmed Tokyo from the top of a hill.
So many other interesting facts abound,
Where these precious baseball cards will soon be found.
Guy Zinn left an indelible mark:
He scored the first run ever at Fenway Park.
And Barney Pelty, the Yiddish Curver, surely tasted whiskey:
He pitched a shutout when they opened Comiskey.
While Sam Nahem read Marx and Engel,
Lefty Weinert beaned Casey Stengel.
Erskine Mayer pitched with grit
Though he served up Wagner’s 3,000th hit.
Al Rosen, third baseman of great renown:
A groundout cost him the Triple Crown.
Bob Tufts and Elliott Maddox both hated to lose.
Both born as gentiles, both played as Jews.
There was Cy Young winner Steven Stone,
Speedy infielder Sammy Bohne,
And Giants second baseman Andy Cohen.
So the lesson to be learned today — promise, there will be no test.
Is that mensches don’t just ride the benches.
They play ball like all the rest.
by the Village Elliott
Sat in Wrigley with Great Uncle Art,
Local White Sox fan from the team’s start.
Asked ’bout his Sox team Black,
He looked 50 years back,
I could feel dark angst still breaks his heart.
Allegations my childhood team raided
By hacking; legacy degraded.
Feel like fan of Black Sox,
Or Bill Belichick’s jocks.
Perhaps I’m just too f*cking jaded.
I don’t think it mere disillusion
Created by Cardinals’ collusion.
In game’s hacking scandal
The league might mishandle,
But fact of FBI’s inclusion.
by Jim Siergey
Sox pitcher Jeff Samardzija’ll
Admit that his output’s been marginal
If he expects free agent bids to be large ‘n’ all
He’d better replenish his arsenal
by James Finn Garner
What’s with those Twinkies?
Didn’t they get the memo
That this season’s just a demo?
That Molitor is too green
And the talent is too lean
To do any better than
Coming in an also-ran?
Now they’re making it a contest
Keeping the Tigers honest,
Nipping the heels of Kansas City
And making the Hose and Tribe look –
well, we don’t talk that way up here, mister.
by Stephen Jones
Four-game home streak snapped
Throwback unies didn’t work
Detroit won the game