2013 AL Central Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO
No Sale, no pennant?
Can Beckham bend it foreward?
Is Konerko Dunn?
CLEVELAND
Re-seeding is hard.
Big contracts are easier.
80-82.
DETROIT
No closer, no stress?
Just win every game by five!
(Time for a Zantac.)
KANSAS CITY
The Wil to win “soon”
Has been supplanted by the
Will to win today.
MINNESOTA
Ten thousand lakes teem
With tears from ticket-holding
Twin fan Targetees.
Chi-Town Breakdown: The Year in Review
by Hilary Barta
‘Cept the shouting, not much to report:
To da sout’, da club just came up short
And up north, a non-story–
More a snore than near glory–
The long drought for the Cubs isn’t sport.
Chi-Town Just Shy
by Jim Siergey
Last season the Hose were quite pale
with Rios and Dunn batting Braille
But this summer held first
’til their bubble then burst
With not enough wind in their Sale.
Cartoonist Jim Siergey is the author of the strip “Cultural Jet-Lag” and the alt-reality Cubbie book, If They Did It.
Pale Hose Fulfill Pre-Season Predictions
by James Finn Garner
So now’s the time all knew would come
The Sox will spend the autumn home
No pennant raised above the park
Attendance far below the mark
Even in a shit division
The batters need to hit a smidgen
Pitchers likewise should abstain
From tossing taters to start each game
Chicago now sports a perfect twosome
Cubs abysmal, White Sox gruesome
Madre de Dios! Ese Alex Rios!
by James Finn Garner
Among Omar Infante’s dislikes
Must be incoming baserunners – Yikes!
To dodge getting maimed
Cost the Bengals the game –
One of inches, and feet wearing spikes.
