Buy More Bonds
Barry Bonds, Barry Bonds,
Won’t someone please buy Barry Bonds?
The burly man-child at 44
Surely can give something more.
While the Rangers could use his mighty bat,
Texas must have a big enough hat.
In Minnesota he could deliver the goods,
And spend days off prowling the woods.
In New York, the powerful media glare
Would show if there’s any personality there.
Washington would enjoy spinning turnstiles,
And be handy for the start of his perjury trial.
It’s time to move to make the playoffs this year.
Come on! He can give SOMEONE a shot in the rear!
Posted 8/18/08
A Prayer for the Yankees
by Hart Seely
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord Phil Hughes to keep.
If Wang should die before I wake,
I pray no Cleveland trade we make,
If Boston hears that siren cry,
I pray they land that C.C. guy,
And when they sign him there to stay,
I pray his elbow starts to fray.
But when teams call, O, hear me, Lord,
I pray Montero stays onboard.
And though it’s true we must improve,
I pray that Melky doesn’t move.
And though his outings were not long,
I pray that Ian comes back strong.
I pray no deals we make this night.
Except Igawa… that’s all right.
Posted 7/2/08
Roger Clemens’ Emotional Distress
by James Finn Garner
Brian McNamee slimed my name,
Slandered my game,
Handed me shame.
I never did the things he said.
He hurt my cred.
**sniff**
Wish I were dead.
Can’t sleep at night, I have bad dreams,
Hear crazy screams,
‘Bout clears and creams.
Next time the two of us cross paths,
I’ll rip him in half
And gnaw on his lats.
Whatever’s left, I’ll chop in bits
And mail t’ his kids,
Mis’rable shits.
I’m warning you, judge, don’t forget:
I was a meek pet
Ere he and I met.
Posted June 3, 2008
