Browse all poems and songs in the 'Oakland Athletics' Category


Sgt. Pepper’s 2015 Forecast: Intro

by Stuart Shea

It was 17 years ago today
The home run chase seemed to save the day
But the numbers weren’t what they seemed
Neither Sosa nor McGwire were clean

Here’s regime change for you (if anybody really cares)
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew!

(skin flute solos)

We’re Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew
Now come and pee into this cup
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew
Our game is on the up-and-up

Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew

It’s wonderful to be clean
It gives us such a thrill
To know we’ve purged the game of drugs
Except, of course, for adderall
And liquor pays our bills!

I don’t really want to stop the game
But I’d like to make a little claim
What will happen, can you deduce,
When they legalize a “drug of abuse”?

Have you thought about what that will mean
When 300 million folks ain’t “clean”
Like Sgt. Manfred’s smiling Drug-Test crew?

 

 



American League West 2015 Spring Training Haiku

By Stuart Shea

Astros
Unpronounceable,
The Opening Day starter—
It’s Dallas Keuchel!

Angels
The favorite son—
Prodigal again errant—
Setting in the West

Athletics
Old southpaws don’t die
Until they’ve had a chance to
Make the A’s roster

Mariners
A strong-armed fellow
Will bear the expectations
Of the great northwest

Rangers
A once-proud franchise
Sliding down the Banister,
Into pool or pile?

 

 



New Genius on Scene

by the Village Elliott

G.M. Billy Beane’s trading blunder,
Rent the A’s, “Money Ball” asunder.
.     Now new genius on scene
.     Is across the Bay seen;
Brian Sabean stole Beane’s thunder.

 



Baseball Record

by Steven D. Johnson

Five hundred eleven – the wins of Cy
near three sixty-seven – the bat of Ty
But in baseball heaven, just blink an eye . . .
.    and records will be broken.

Just look at Babe Ruth – seven hundred fourteen
.    To tell you the truth, his home runs were seen
.        to hold a record not passed – thirty-nine years, ‘til alas
Hank Aaron’s bat was woken.

Yet there is a record that will ever stand,
.    but it’s not Ted Williams, and it’s not Stan the Man
.        don’t look to Tris Speaker, don’t bank on Pete Rose
.           for this baseball record every ballplayer knows
.    belongs, yes it does, to another.

It’s not for stolen bases – though Oakland’s a believer
.    nor is it held by aces – like Gibson, Ford or Seaver
No, the sole baseball mark that will hold in every park
.    belongs to father, son, and brother.

The record that won’t break, held through highs and heartache,
is going seven-for-seven, every baseball season week
.    since 1911 – now that is quite a feat!
It’s keeping baseball alive since 1925.
It’s zero games missed since 1886.
It’s giving ballplayers a reason
.    to thrive in baseball season.

Yes, the only baseball record
.    that will maintain its stand
.        belongs to the beloved,
.            committed baseball fans!

 



Baseball’s Sad Exeunt

by Jim Siergey

These are the saddest of possible words:
Jeter, Konerko and Dunn.
Trio of dear ones to all baseball nerds,
Jeter, Konerko and Dunn.
Clean-cutly playing our National Game,
Each one achieving attention and fame –
Long we’ll remember each one of their names:
Jeter, Konerko and Dunn.

 

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