Browse all poems and songs in the 'Oakland Athletics' Category


Full-on Collapse, Rhyming Dictionary Edition, Part 1

by Stu Shea

It’s most un-Athletic
To play so pathetic.
I’m quite empathetic,
But it ain’t copacetic
To lose one’s aesthetic
And become an emetic.
Perhaps a prosthetic
Would cure this pandemic,
Or maybe just someone who can hit a fsckin’ baseball.

 



This is Just to Say, from the White Sox

by James Finn Garner

With apologies to William Carlos Williams

We have traded
Adam Dunn
who was clogging
the payroll

to the A’s
in a pennant race
for a bag
of rocks

Forgive us
he was ridiculous
so whiffable
and so old

 



Astros Sink from TV Sight

by James Finn Garner

Yesterday, upon the air,
We played for fans who were not there.
They won’t tune in again today
Regardless of how well we play.

We played the A’s last night at seven,
Granted, no one’s idea of heaven.
But our squad’s not faceless strangers
And our record’s better than the Rangers’.
This fall, with football heroes,
Could our ratings sink past zero?

Yesterday, upon the air,
We played and no one seemed to care.
We’ll do the same again today.
How we wish Nielsen would go away!

 



The National Pastime

by Tony Puma

“Take me out to the ball game”

Please stand for the National Anthem.

The Home Team takes the field: PLAY BALL!

Bottom of third, man on base,
pitch low and inside, count 3 & 2.
Fastball, strike 3, Batter out.
Man left on base.

The Mick, Duke, Willie, Jackie, Pee Wee,
The Scooter, Yogi, Joe D., Dizzy and Daffy,
Charlie Hustle.

Who’s on first. Abbott & Costello.

Red Sox and White Sox.

“take me out with the crowd”

Twi-light double header:
Cardinals and Orioles.

Da’ Reds/Dem Bums/ The Gas House Gang
Murderers Row/ The Bronx Bombers.

Reliever: South Paw ,Knuckleballer, 2.52 ERA.

The Sultan of Swat/The Splendid Splinter.

The Iron Man.
Lou Gehrig’s disease.

“buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack”

Bottom of 7th, nothing-nothing.
Seventh inning stretch.

Padres and Angels.

A No-Hitter/A Perfect Game.
Holy Cow!

The Bleachers.
Ebbets/Wrigley/Fenway.

“I don’t care if I never get back”

Designated Hitter/Pinch Hitter.
Foul ball/Double play.
Catcher gives the sign.
Tying run at the Plate.

The Yankees win the World Series!
Brooklyn Dodgers and New York Giants:
NOT.

The Metropolitans.
The Nationals.

Topps Baseball cards.

Indians and Braves.

Can’t anyone here play this game?
Casey Stengel.

“let me root, root, root for the home team”

Rain delay/Box scores/Extra innings/K’s/RBI’s.

Negro League:
Only the ball was white.

Where have you gone Joe Dimaggio . . .
Paul Simon.

Devil Rays and Marlins.

Frozen Rope/Texas Leaguer.
Bull Pen/Home Plate/Batter’s Box.
Cooperstown.
Old-Timers Day/All Star Game.

I GOT IT!

“if they don’t win, it’s a shame”

Tagged out/Stolen base.
A swing and a miss.
Pitcher’s mound/Rosin bag/The Rubber.

Red Bird/Phillie Phanatic.

Cubs and Tigers.

A Sinker, down-and-out.
Bunt/Sacrifice/Pitch-out
Popped-up/Loaded bases.

“for it’s one, two , three strikes you’re out

I watch a group of kids playing
baseball in a cow pasture.

“at the old Ball Game.”

 



The Baseball That Ate Hollywood!

by Bob Nemtusak

“Come on, Hobbs! You’re up!!”
Pick up a bat, and do it!
The Cubs fans blamed Steve Bartman.
Who’s to say?
Seems like they blew it.

Pierzynski punched Cubs catcher–
Now A.J.’s Saint Louis red;
Oakland has some Athletics,
Coco puts pitchers to bed.

Another earthquake series?
White Sox got Cy Young, and Rookie.
Shave those beards–
You lot not Wookiees

 

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Copyright 2007 Bardball.