Browse all poems and songs in the 'James Finn Garner' Category


MLB All-Grain-Tuber-and-Legume Team

by James Finn Garner

1B  Bill Bean
2B  Potato Cueto
SS  Oats DeMaestri
3B  Peanuts Lowrey
LF  Zach Wheat
CF  Billy Beane
RF  Sam Rice
C .   Yam Yaryan
LHP  Beany Jacobson, Peanuts Kantlehner
RHP  Lee Wheat, Colter Bean, Goober Zuber
MGR  Johnny Oates

 

 



MLB All-Sweettooth Team

by James Finn Garner

1B  Sean Berry
2B  Cookie Rojas
SS  Cookie Lavagetto
3B  Pie Traynor
LF  Candy Maldonado
CF  Coco Crisp
RF  Taffy Wright
C   Rick Sweet
LHP  Brownie Foreman, Ed Wineapple
RHP  Twink Twining, Bob Lemon
MGR  Yogi Berry

 



MLB All-Libations Team

By James Finn Garner

1B  Juice Latham
2B  George Creamer
SS  Jack Coffey
3B  Bobby Wine
LF  Gene Rye
CF  Brandy Davis
RF  Suds Sutherland
C   Punch Knoll
LHP  Vinegar Bend Mizell
RHP  Mark Lemongello, Clarence Beers
Closer Oil Can Boyd
MGR  Norm Sherry

 



MLB All-Diner Team

by James Finn Garner

1B  Don Pepper
2B  Cookie Lavagetto
SS  Chicken Wolf
3B  Oyster Burns
LF  Cuke Barrows
CF  Turkey Stearnes
RF  Chili Davis
   Pickles Dillhoefer
LHP  Noodles Hahn, Lefty Herring
RHP  Herb Hash, Bun Troy
MGR  Mayo Smith

 



Now that Cabrera’s Down

by James Finn Garner

Michiganders have their summer back.
No need to grumble, curse or frown!
There’s oodles to do, from Monroe to Mighty Mac
Now that Cabrera’s gone down.

Don’t bother watching the Tiges on TV,
Get out and paint the town.
I hear Lapeer has a new Applebee’s.
Forget that Cabrera’s gone down.

Experience Celery Days in Saginaw!
Paddle ’round Zug Island–now less brown!
Savor what passes for wine in Paw Paw!
Who cares Cabrera’s gone down?

Visit your great-aunt in Lansing.
Shoot a biopic of Milky the Clown.
Take up 18th-century ballroom dancing,
Now that Cabrera’s gone down.

Watch reenactors fight that war we don’t remember
Drive nine hours to a Yooper ghost town
Explore the Mitten til school starts in September
And forget that Cabrera’s gone down.

 

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