Browse all poems and songs in the 'James Finn Garner' Category


There is No “I” in “Royals”

by James Finn Garner

Hey, orange Marlins yahoo,
What gives you the right to
Wear something else than powder blue
Sitting where the world sees you?

You need to blend in with the crowd,
Not sit in garments screaming loud.
So you have a stub — think you can
Crimp our genius marketing plan?

To your Fish you think you’re loyal?
Well, here everyone cheers the Royals.
Your defiance makes the brass see red!
This is America, pal, and don’t forget!

 



From Gonfalon to Woebegone

by James Finn Garner

From gonfalon
To woebegone
KC fans are crying like their fountain
That James Shields
A smorgasbord yields?
A surprise (save Joe Buck) to no one.

The Giant hill ace
Has a fall ERA
So small as to be microscopic
While it’s time for “Big Game”
To drop the nickname
And meetings for that MLB biopic.

 



Your Daily Affirmation, from Brad Ausmus

by James Finn Garner

Don’t be glum
Don’t ask why
Albuquerque’s just a 6th inning guy

Don’t you fret
Don’t you worry
After the 7th, we’ll turn to Soria

Don’t lose hope
Just have faith — when
It’s down to one inning, we’ll bring in Nathan

No matter where
Or what or when,
I’m skipper, and would do it all again.

 



The Blanking Tygers

by James Finn Garner

Tygers, Tygers, slinking low,
Humbled by the sailing O’s,
What makeup will yours be now
If Max and V-Mart take their bows?

We scarce knew you through this year
with superstars bought so dear.
With Triple Crowns and Cy Youngs
The faithful still bit their tongues.

What staff ace learns yet in May
He must recast how to play?
Which outfielder is there that
Can deftly wield both glove ‘n bat?

What cast of manager says,
“Pinch hit? Call Hernan Perez!”
And what manner of bullpen
Features Joba Chamberlain????

Tygers, Tygers, slinking low,
All these questions we would know,
Plus the reason for the fact
Ausmus has a long contract.

 



In Other Retirement News: Konerko

by James Finn Garner

Helping keep South Side baseball alive
Manning the rudder in 2005
Plus a grand salami that wasn’t no jive
More than mere baseball, he’s
Our Paulie

Hard to see him as a Dodger or Red
No froth of praise ever clouded his head
Didn’t spout any line and meant what he said
More than mere baseball, he’s
Our Paulie

To the up-and-comers a mentor and sensei
His swing and his fielding held nothing fancy
For all of this century, the right side wasn’t chancy
More than mere baseball, he’s
Our Paulie

 

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