Browse all poems and songs in the 'James Finn Garner' Category


Fall of the House of All-Star Clerihews

Julio Teheran
Loves Duran Duran
But will take a paz
On Yaz.

Yoenis Cespedes
Likes watching “The Apprentice”.
“What I can’t figure out, man,
Is where they found a talking orangutan.”

Marcell Ozuna
Is the big kahuna
In Miami’s centerfield
By Red Groom’s carnival sculpture he’s almost concealed.

Dellin Betances
Took his chances
With a street vendor’s tamales
And is now very solly.

 



Bride of All-Star Clerihews

Wilson Ramos
Has become famos
As catcher for the Nats–
Must be the way that he squats.

Francisco Lindor
Likes to golf indoors.
As dangerous as his home gets,
His kids have learned to wear helmets.

Michael Saunders
When his mind meanders
Imagines himself in toque, cape and shorts
Savior of the Great White North.

Matt Wieters
Is such a fussy eater
On every dinner date
He asks an ump to brush his plate.

 



Son of All-Star Clerihews

Clayton Kershaw
Prefers Shaw
Over Ibsen
If he had to put dibs in.

Mark Trumbo
Likes all his shrimp jumbo
And when he orders, it takes
A shovel to serve his Baltimore crab cakes.

Mookie Betts
Likes all kinds of pets
But he has no use
For cockatuse.

Buster Posey
We don’t want to be nosey
But why do the #Giants even appear
At games in odd-numbered years?

 



All-Star Game Clerihews

Salvador Perez–
No matter what anyone says–
Denies ever sharing a tanning booth
With Dr. Ruth.

Jose Altuve
Is fond of the movies,
Especially those that feature
Brain-eating creatures.

Mike Trout
Sulks and pouts.
As the sole Angel, he doesn’t get very far
With his funny imitation of Yunel Escobar.

Ben Zobrist
Has always been so pissed
At being last alphabetically
That he takes his revenge athletically.

 



All Hail Ichiro

by James Finn Garner

So many long years ago
Ichiro
Began spraying hits
And if it seems like it’s
Going to go on forever
(I mean, it never
Looks like he ages),
Remember the pages
Of record holders
Left to molder
When a young stud
Both lucky and good
Works to set a new mark
At the ball park.
In time a new hero
Will surpass Ichiro,
And the passage of time
Cruel and sublime
Will lose some of its sting
As we salute a new king.

 

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Copyright 2007 Bardball.