Browse all poems and songs in the 'James Finn Garner' Category


Tarp Bailout

by James Finn Garner

Of all the things that vex the Cubs –
That same sad old refrain –
From day games to Bartman to billy goats
We can add to that roster “rain”.

Rolling out the tarp may look simple
Hardly “mechanical”, ’tis true
Yet what can go wrong surely will go wrong
For those bleeding Cubby blue

The Giants have something to play for
And were lucky to get the game suspended.
The Cubs are still playing “Chicago’s Got Talent!”
But watching them can’t be recommended.

 



Astros Sink from TV Sight

by James Finn Garner

Yesterday, upon the air,
We played for fans who were not there.
They won’t tune in again today
Regardless of how well we play.

We played the A’s last night at seven,
Granted, no one’s idea of heaven.
But our squad’s not faceless strangers
And our record’s better than the Rangers’.
This fall, with football heroes,
Could our ratings sink past zero?

Yesterday, upon the air,
We played and no one seemed to care.
We’ll do the same again today.
How we wish Nielsen would go away!

 



Tigers and A’s: As the Rotations Turn

by James Finn Garner

Scherzer, Sanchez, Price and Verlander
An A-Team from Mr. I for all Michiganders

Sanchez, Scherzer, Verlander and Price
Dombrowski bets big with each roll of the dice

Verlander, Price, Scherzer, Sanchez
A squad made in heaven, so everyone says

Price, Sanchez, Verlander and Scherzer
Beef up the starters, the pen can’t get worser

Lester, Samardzija, Gray and Kazmir
Give the green-and-gold faithful reason to cheer

Samardzija, Gray, Kazmir and Lester
The A’s try not to let past losses fester

Kazmir, Lester, Samardzija and Gray
A huge power shift to the east in the Bay

Gray, Kazmir, Lester, Samardzija
Giving the rest of the AL neuralgia

It’s “win and win now”
They’re swinging their willies
And trying to ignore
The Phate of the Phillies.

 



Frank Thomas

by James Finn Garner

A Ferrari swing
In a Hummer body

A lumbering frame
On limber ankles

A clean blood test
In a filthy era

The Big Hurt on the field
The big heart in the speech

Paying the price
Of small-market loyalty
But it’s oh so nice
To be Cooperstown royalty

 



Natural Selection for Darwin

by James Finn Garner

Darwin Barney is out of a job
One more part of the unemployed mob
.    To see his kid’s birth
.    He ceded his berth
Now at the playground will hobnob.

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Copyright 2007 Bardball.