Browse all poems and songs in the 'James Finn Garner' Category


WCRAPPY in Cincinnati

Baby, if you’ve ever wondered,
Wondered whatever became of me,
I’m pitching in the ‘pen in Cincinnati,
Cincinnati, boy are we cra-a-appy.

Getting tired from bailing out our starters
The worst in homers, walks and ERA
Sure, we won’t ever catch the Cubs or Bucs
But with shelling like this, our fans need combat pay.

It’s crappy and I pitch for Cincinnati . . .

 



The Saga of Battlin’ Mike Barrett

by James Finn Garner

A repost for the 10th anniversary…

This is the saga of Battlin’ Mike Barrett,
A tiger of a man with fists of ore.
He’d raise his dukes and take on all comers,
Regardless the color of jersey they wore.

His mighty hands landed many a blow.
He never backed down from a brawl.
But such hardened paws don’t do you much good
When your job’s to be fielding the ball.

 

Originally published 6/14/07.



MLB All-Refrigerator Team

by James Finn Garner

1B  Lefty Herring
2B  Rabbit Maranville
SS  Oyster Burns
3B  Joe Bean
LF  Buttercup Dickerson
CF  Milky Cabrera
RF  Ice Box Chamberlain
C   Yam Yaryan
LHP  William Peppers, Chick Smith
RHP  Sweetbread Bailey, Pete Hamm
MGR  Rawmeat Rogers

 



Bryce Harper’s Lament

I seen some pitchers scared of my bat
Paint the corners, standing pat
What about them “unwritten rules”?
Pitch me straight and you’ll get schooled

Oh baby, that’s hard to change
I can’t tell them how to pitch
High inside, low away
Sooner or later, I’ll crush that bitch

Walk on, walk on, walk on, walk on . . .

 



White Sox Thanks for Danks

by James Finn Garner

Dear Lord, we now give thanks
That your boy, our John Danks,
Is feeling stronger every outing
And confident about an
Improvement in delivery
That’ll sure make batters quivery.
We’re grateful that he never quits
And seemed unfazed by all those hits
He serves with regularity
(Another branch of White Sox Charities?)
And his positivity with the team–
He remembers just what “Grinder” means
And loves this game more than anyone–
But it’d be great if he ever won.

 

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