Browse all poems and songs in the 'James Finn Garner' Category


MLB All-Fish Team

by James Finn Garner

From an idea by Steve Fiffer

1B Sid Bream
2B Chico Salmon
SS Lee Elia
3B Melvin Mora
LF Ralph Garr
CF Mike Trout
RF Kevin Bass
C Carlton Fishk
LHP Steve Trout, Ryan Karp
RHP Dizzy Trout, Mudcat Grant
M Earl Weever

 



Whoo Gosh, Those Twins!

by James Finn Garner

Criminy Jinkies!
What’s with those Twinkies?
Didn’t they get the memo
That this season’s just a demo?
That Molitor is too green
And the talent is too lean
To do any better than
Coming in an also-ran?
Now they’re making it a contest
Keeping the Tigers honest,
Nipping the heels of Kansas City
And making the Hose and Tribe look –
well, we don’t talk that way up here, mister.

 



Bleachers Open for Business

by James Finn Garner

Chicago is known for its class
So give that girl in the bleachers a pass
You might’ve thought the cap rubbed her ass
But she’s the new Cubs mascot “Bum Lass”.

 



Sgt. Pepper’s 2015 Forecast: “Being for the Benefit of Mister I”

by James Finn Garner

For the benefit of Mister I
The Tiges will give another try
At a Series ring
In the race four times before
Then they’re always shown the door
Damn, it stings

.     But with Cabrera and two Martinez
.     The hits should still be raining in Motown
.     If God wills, Alex Avila doesn’t get hurt

Yeah, Max Scherzer hit the road
The Nationals can bear that load
(He will be missed)
David Price might have the stuff
But does the bullpen have enough?
Let’s check the list:

.     Phil Coke is gone, and Rick Porcello,
.     Which leaves Soria, Albuquerque and Nathan
.     Climbing higher? Dumpster fire? Who the hell knows?

Castellanos will be there
We’ll marvel at Cespedes’ flair
In center field
Ian Kinsler leaps and spins
Let’s hope Iglesias’ pins
Have really healed

.     Twisting the government ’round his fingers
.     Is not enough for Detroit’s pizza king
.     Which is why Mister I keeps spending his dough….

 



Sgt. Pepper’s 2015 Forecast: “Getting Better”

by James Finn Garner

I used to get mad up in Queens
At that flub-driven, do-nothing team
but Omar Minaya’s long said “Sayonara”
The rebuild is picking up steam.

I admit they’re getting better
A little better all the time
I have to admit they’re getting better
The Mets are better! And I roll my eyes.

The rotation has Senor Colon
An anchor in more ways than one
Jakob deGrom is really da bomb
I hope Wheeler’s arm isn’t done

I admit they’re getting better
A little better all the time
We’ve heard it before — they’re getting better
The Mets are better! And I roll my eyes.

I’ve been patient with Granderson, Ruben Tejada, and everyone else on this weak-swinging squad,
I trust David Wright is finally right
And God protect Travis d’Arnaud.

I admit they’re getting better
A little better all the time
They’re not the Yanks — they’re getting better
The Mets are better! And I roll my eyes.

 

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Copyright 2007 Bardball.