Browse all poems and songs in the 'James Finn Garner' Category


Time on the Poetic DL

by James Finn Garner

My similes have got sore knees.
My metaphors? Batting .184.
My anapest is not the best
And there’s no distance on my assonance.
Even sunny Rick Renteria
Pooh-poohs my onomatopoeia.

I’m sitting this week, or else ere long
My brain’ll need a Tommy John.

 



Twin Tales

by James Finn Garner

Rod Carew
Swung as smooth
As warm cashew
Butter

While Killebrew
Did tattoo
Many a drooping
Cutter

Jim Kaat
Knew thaat
His curve could make baats
Flutter

Jim Perry
Never varied
Or cheated like his hairy
Brutter

 



Upward Immobility in Motown

by James Finn Garner

As another season
Bites the dust,
What will it take to
Fire Brad Ausmus?

A filthy striptease on the airport bus?
Kicking Trammell in the truss?
Wiping his ass with pizza in disgust?
Cussing out John Wockenfuss?

I fear there is nothing
More to discuss–
The Tigers will never, ever
Fire Brad Ausmus.

 



All-Star Clerihews, Part IV

Joey Votto
Never gets blotto
But does enjoy the occasional beer
With that crazy Molina, Yadier.

Ender Inciarte
Prefers Commedia dell’arte
And Restoration plays
To the pap on B’way these days.

Nolan Arenado
Boasts much bravado
But jumps high as a glider
When surprised by a spider.

Nelson Cruz
Hates to lose,
Which makes his time in Seattle
More of a battle.

Jose Quintana
Can drive up the Dan Ryan-a
Take the Drive over
And finally pitch in October.

 



All-Star Clerihews, Part III

Michael Conforto
Wrote a sad concerto
About what it really means
To play in Queens.

Corey Knebel
Cleared the table
Once in Bay View playing pool,
Which is the Wisconsin definition of cool.

DJ LaMahieu
Has bid adieu
To old self-centered habits
To start a shelter for homeless rabbits.

Justin Smoak
Almost went broke
With an investment scheme
For anti-strike-out cream.

 

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