Browse all poems and songs in the 'James Finn Garner' Category

White Sox Thanks for Danks

by James Finn Garner

Dear Lord, we now give thanks
That your boy, our John Danks,
Is feeling stronger every outing
And confident about an
Improvement in delivery
That’ll sure make batters quivery.
We’re grateful that he never quits
And seemed unfazed by all those hits
He serves with regularity
(Another branch of White Sox Charities?)
And his positivity with the team–
He remembers just what “Grinder” means
And loves this game more than anyone–
But it’d be great if he ever won.


Giving the Mudhens the Bird

by James Finn Garner

He flubbed a fly, then flipped the bird
Tyler Collins’ pique was absurd
Smart Tigers fans knew when to boo
Now Toledo laments, “What did we do?”


Ol’ Ketchup Sock Does It Again

by James Finn Garner

Transphobic remarks
A predictable mark
On the post-game career of Curt Schilling.
Not out of synch
with how this dolt thinks,
But ESPN always proved willing

To give him a pass,
Jock sniff and kiss ass–
Somewhere else, he’d’ve been canned in a trice.
To call his “free” speech
Is a ridiculous reach,
With hate, fear and regression the price.


The Voice of God

by James Finn Garner

RIP Paul Carey (1928-2016), long-time Tigers radio announcer.

The roar of a Rouge Plant furnace
Birthing a Thunderbird

The muscle roll of Gitchee Gumee
Festooned in spray

The ancient trees deep-rooted
Strummed like a lyre

The tectonic rumble of two peninsulas
Alive in summer


New Cereals from the Cubs

by James Finn Garner

From the marketers behind “Rizz-O’s”:

Peanut Butter Schwarbs
Sugar Szczurs
Kris-B Krispies
Grimm Granola
Honey Hammels
Frosted Mini-Maddons
Marshmallow Mannies
Berry Baez


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