Browse all poems and songs in the 'James Finn Garner' Category


Life is Good

by James Finn Garner

Winter’s been raw as a campout in Banff.
Your new basement walls are moldy and damp.
Your drapes caught fire from a knocked over lamp—

.      Relax!
.      Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

Your check-writing hand’s developed a cramp,
Your bills are all due and you ain’t got a stamp,
Creditors cling to your neck like a clamp—

.      Smile!
.      Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

Your yard now faces a new freeway ramp.
Your son is engaged to a gold-digging tramp.
Your “guitar hero” neighbor’s just bought a new amp—

.      Life is good!
.      Pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

News updates make you break out in a rant.
You want to stop watching; duty says you can’t.
I fear Lady Liberty’s being sized for implants–

.      With luck we’ll survive,
.      And pitchers and catchers are reporting to camp.

 

First posted 2/13/2008; updated 2/15/17



It’s a Start, Anyway

by James Finn Garner

Chief Wahoo has been shown the gate
If only 60 years too late.

When choosing mascots, show respect–
It’s easier than you’d expect.

If I were the sole decider,
I’d resurrect the “Cleveland Spiders”,

But as a nasty little schemer,
I might go with “Cleveland Steamers”.

 



MLB All-Yule Team

By James Finn Garner and Jim Siergey

1B   J.T. Snow
2B   Cupid Childs
SS   Dasher Troy
3B   Yuli Gurriel
LF   Cookie Rojas
CF   Jesus Alou
RF   Rob Deer

C     Jorge Posada

PH  Steve Christmas, Brett Carroll

RHP Jon Garland, Dave Frost, Dick Pole
LHP Al Clauss, Jeff Holly, Don Rudolph

Mgr.  Jolly Cholly Grimm

 



MLB All-Thanksgiving Team

by Jim Siergey, Hilary Barta and James Finn Garner

1B Stuffy McInnis
2B Damian Rolls
SS Joe Bean
3B Spud Johnson

OF Lawrence Plenty
OF Turkey Stearnes
OF Cranbarry Bonds

C    Yam Yaryan

RHP Paul Stuffel, Tom Butters
LHP Bob Sprout, Beany Jacobson

Mgr. Pie Traynor

 



Roger Angell Needs His Sleep!

by James Finn Garner

Loitering near history’s portals,
The aces proved to be mere mortals
And all the vaunted firemen
Sprinkled gas again and again.
No margin safe, no lead secure.
“Mighty Bregman”? Why not, sure!
Houston’s muggy, the balls are juiced
Hitters snort antler of moose.

Whate’er excuse, my answer remains:
Baseball is the greatest game.

 

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Copyright 2007 Bardball.