by Jim U-Boat, the Poet Laureate of Calumet City
In honor of the 106th anniversary Tuesday of the last Cubs World Series victory.
Before you all blow
Your hard-worked-for dough
On dumb, next-year-we’ll-win theories,
I’ll remind you again
Of how long it’s been
Since the Cubs have won the World Series.
It’s 106 years!
And oceans of tears
Since Cub players were rightly called greats.
We’re now 10 decades hence,
From our country of 47 states.
There were no CDs,
TVs, or LPs;
Eight years before stainless steel;
Reagan hadn’t been born
Of Illinois corn;
A score before the New Deal.
When the Cubs last decided
Without being chided
To win (back then they were ready),
The White House’s star
Was not FDR –
It was his ol’ cousin Teddy.
Cub fans should wean
Themselves off a team
That’s “0-for” since 1908,
But these masochists
Will always exist
While others, in turn, celebrate.
By Stuart Shea
10 Teams Continue,
20 Teams Done.
Stories we have followed
Now consigned to history–
Into the pages of a book
That has been replaced by a web site.
Jose Abreu’s rookie season is over.
Corey Kluber’s ass-kicking year is over.
Phillip Hughes’ breakout is over.
Charlie Blackmon’s beard is over.
Kirk Gibson is VERY over.
But the damage done by Kevin Towers’ trades is just beginning.
Altuve’s wonderful year is over.
The Rangers’ long march of injuries is over…
But the Wash Era is also over.
Everth Cabrera’s honeymoon is over.
Marcus Stroman’s debut is over.
The painful Jay Bruce year is over.
Brock Holt Mania! is over.
Another King Felix masterwork is over.
Giancarlo’s monster season is over.
Jonathan Lucroy’s emergence is over.
The Braves’ painful swan dive is over.
Mesoraco’s breakout is over.
The struggles of Springer are over.
The weird Joe Mauer year is over.
Justin Smoak’s chance is over.
Another frustrating Rockies season is over.
The Chase Headley Padres are over.
The Papelbon crap is over,
But the Phillies’ country club continues.
The Frank Wren Era is over.
Colby Rasmus in Toronto is REALLY over.
Desmond Jennings’ honeymoon is over.
Heath Bell seems over.
The Cubs on WGN are over.
Bobby Abreu is over.
Josh Willingham is over.
Carlos Beltran sure looks over.
Can Kevin Gregg please be over?
Jason Giambi is finally over, right?
The 2013 World Champs are really over.
Is Ron Roenicke’s time over?
The Mets’ sexual harassment suit is NOT over.
Wrigley Field as we knew it is over.
Paul Konerko is over.
Derek Jeter is over.
20 Teams are over.
By Stuart Shea
Jake’s pretty tough–
He has no-hit stuff
Each time he goes out to play.
It’s hard to countenance,
But giving him a chance
Just wasn’t the Oriole way.
by James Finn Garner
Of all the things that vex the Cubs –
That same sad old refrain –
From day games to Bartman to billy goats
We can add to that roster “rain”.
Rolling out the tarp may look simple
Hardly “mechanical”, ’tis true
Yet what can go wrong surely will go wrong
For those bleeding Cubby blue
The Giants have something to play for
And were lucky to get the game suspended.
The Cubs are still playing “Chicago’s Got Talent!”
But watching them can’t be recommended.
By Stuart Shea
The Cubs have the buzz
For all their young players
Approaching the mark,
But aren’t out of the dark–
Their best catch of the year
Came from a fan
Snagging a ball
Hit out of the park.