Browse all poems and songs in the 'Chicago Cubs' Category


You’re A Flop!

by Patrick McCaughey

With apologies to Cole Porter:

You’re a flop!
You’re U.S. Steel!
You’re a flop!
You’re an Arby’s meal!
You’re the bunch of bums
That keep my Tums stock low.
You’re Zsa Zsa’s hubbys!
You’re those Poor Cubbies! You’re Broglio!

You’re the mistakes
Of the “Ishtar” writer!
You’re the brakes
On James Dean’s Porsche Spyder!
You’re a worthless nine,
You’re Jewish wine, you suck!
You’re that black cat!
Sosa’s corked bat! You’re Banks’ luck!

You’re a flop!
The futile prayers I prayed!
You’re a flop!
The ‘84 parade!
You’re a trip to hell
To where Piniella’s coaching next!
You’re Elia’s hate!
You’re Zimmer’s pate! You’re really hexed!

You play as poor
As warped LPs do!
Yes even more
Than Ticketmaster fees, too.
You’re the cause
Of much applause for games you drop!
In St. Louis and New York, well, you’re the top!

You’re a flop!
Each fall I cry a river!
You’re a flop!
You’re Harry Caray’s liver!
You’re the thing
That hits in spring like Tunney’s punch!
You’re watered gin,
A Cardinal win, a Pete Rose hunch!

You’re as unsure
As Yogi Berra’s diction!
As a tie score
When Carlos Marmol’s pitchin’!
My heart can only take so many flubs!
It’s no disease that’s gonna kill me-
It’s you Cubs!

 



Rick Monday

by James Finn Garner

Rick Monday
Born on Tuesday
Homered off Seaver Wednesday
Traded on Thursday
Saved the flag Friday
Broke Canada’s heart Saturday
Retired on Sunday
And that’s why people still talk about Rick Monday.

 



Wrigley Reverie

by Hilary Barta

The throng full of hope and “Hey, heys!”
King Kong (the big dope) could amaze
Cracker Jack and ol’ Ernie
Drifting back on a journey
To those long-ago Opening Days.

 



The J Crew

by Jim Siergey

There’s Jeff and there’s Jason
There’s Justin and Jake
There’s two guys named James
and Ed Jackson (head shake)

Does this jamboree think
the Cubs’ jinx they’ll unfetter?
Or will they fade and shrink
Like a cheap J Crew sweater?

 



National League Central 2014 Spring Training Haiku

by Stuart Shea

BREWERS
Forecast for ’14?
Lots of Braun but little brain.
Enjoy fourth place, guys.

CARDINALS
Yadier Molina—
Buster Posey before the
new Buster Posey.

CUBS
Huh. “Wait til next year”
From a franchise managed by
Weekly profit/loss.

PIRATES
There’s one more Hurdle:
Convert iron not to steel
But to a trophy.

REDS
Time for a Price change—
It was getting Dusty there.
Maybe they’ll win now.

 

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