Browse all poems and songs in the 'Players' Category


Yankee Fan Rationale

by Stephen Jones

Hey, Aroldis Chapman —
What gives?
You’re a Pinstriper one day,
And a Cub the next?
(A pause. Then a sigh.)
Too bad. Nice arm.
We hardly knew ya . . .
But whadda ya gonna do?
It’s a relievers’ market.

 



“No!”: Sale

by the Village Elliott

Chris said to the Sox, “Not for Sale!
Throwback unis’ pale hose much too pale!”
Tore them all into shreds.
Did Chris “sail off his meds”
Or contrive to get forwarded mail?

 



The Ballad of Chris Sale

by James Finn Garner

Attend the White Sox uniform
It doesn’t breathe when the weather’s warm
A laughing stock since the day it premiered
Of all throwbacks, by far the most weird . . .
Enter Sale
Yes, Chris Sale
The demon tailor of 35th Street.

The collar’s large and the tail’s untucked
Like back in the day when disco sucked
Terrible PJs that no fan should watch
And by the fifth inning it rides up the crotch . . .
Beware Sale
That Chris Sale
The demon tailor of 35th Street

Raise your scissors high, Saley!
Don’t stop your tirade!
While you are at it, you can scuttle a trade!

A leader of men with no visible fuse
An atomic bomb whene’er he choose
Keep up your guard, ye White Sox brass
If you turn your back, you’ll get stabbed in the ass . . .

By Saley
By Chris Sale
The demon tailor of 35th Street!

 



Yankee Lineup Shakeup

by Stephen Jones

Right now, A-Rod and right handers don’t mix.
Right now, when he bats, it’s swing, miss . . . nix.
So, he’s chillin’ and sittin’ on the pines,
Girardi looks to players past their prime,
And the fan faithful wonders aloud:
If the team mantra is age before hitting,
Then A-Rod is right: Go with sitting.

 



Fall of the House of All-Star Clerihews

Julio Teheran
Loves Duran Duran
But will take a paz
On Yaz.

Yoenis Cespedes
Likes watching “The Apprentice”.
“What I can’t figure out, man,
Is where they found a talking orangutan.”

Marcell Ozuna
Is the big kahuna
In Miami’s centerfield
By Red Groom’s carnival sculpture he’s almost concealed.

Dellin Betances
Took his chances
With a street vendor’s tamales
And is now very solly.

 

AL East

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Extra Innings

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AL West

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Heavy Hitters

Copyright 2007 Bardball.