Talkin’ Baseball, Detroit Tigers Edition
The Ballad of Nyjer Morgan
By Stuart Shea
Nyjer Morgan? What a jerk,
Putting catchers out of work.
Doesn’t get on base a lot,
Doesn’t use the speed he’s got.
Doesn’t understand the game,
Hasn’t got an ounce of shame,
Fighting with obnoxious fans,
Tossing baseballs in the stands.
The silver lining to this song?
He won’t be here for very long.
Tommy John
by Stephen Jones
An appendix in a forearm
A tendon described as “extra”
Is now elsewhere used
And is amazing surgery
A year’s worth of recovery
Required – and now the mind
Has to trust to relearn
The arm still has magic
The Mark McGwire Limericks of Shame
by James Finn Garner
So the news comes that Mark McGwire
On the subject of juice was a liar.
Plus, it’s a good bet
That water is wet
And it hurts to grab something on fire.
“I’m not here to talk ’bout the past,”
Mark blurted to Congress so fast,
Whatever the pride
He had that day died
To give a defense so half-assed.
To get a job working for Tony,
Mark had to confess his baloney.
He was juiced to the ears
The homer-soaked years,
A fame-drunk, preposterous phony.
To get in the Cooperstown Hall,
McGwire will wait for his call
Til Hell freezes over,
The sea swallows Dover,
And Sammy parleys like Bill Engvall.
Posted 8/29/10
K KO
By Stuart Shea
If Roger goes to court,
It’ll be an unfamiliar sport,
Where there’s no way to throw inside
Or otherwise use horsehide.
Who will decide?
When Roger’s in the book,
How will all the numbers look?
Seven Cy Youngs should say it all,
But the Feds are gonna have a ball
About Winstrol.
