by Mark Braun
Pipe down folks:
There’s a legend at the mike.
He may not be the type you like;
but in his day, long before you began,
the world was breathlessly in love with the man.
by Vern Morrison
Sung to the tune of “God Bless America”:
Man with a glove
You’re a catcher
And I betcha
You’re the man Red Sox fans love to love!
From the fenways
To the heartland
And the places in between
You sure are keen!
You sure are keen!
by John M.
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to swing away
While those around you walked
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the homer porch
And they made you change your game
And it seems to me you swung your bat
Like blowing out a candle in the wind
Never knowing what to swing at
When the pitch came in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a fan
Your average burned out long before
You became an also-ran
This post first appeared in the comments at It Is High, It Is Far, It is … Caught.
by R.J. Lesch
Rivera’s winding up his farewell tour.
The Rockies’ Helton takes his final bow.
Guerrero leaves the players’ ranks one fewer,
and Pettitte says the time to quit is now.
Who else will be upon the Hall of Fame’s
induction ballot only five years hence?
We’ll cheer them while they play their final games,
and then the tearing down part will commence.
Which candidates are worthy of a plaque?
To get your player through those hallowed doors,
You have to stab the others in the back,
As fewer votes for them mean more for yours.
“Your player’s glove was not so good,” I’ll say.
And you’ll reply my candidate struck out
too often in the clutch. And, by the way,
his value came from a syringe, no doubt.
It’s sad to drag good players through the dust,
but votes are scarce. So, Cooperstown AND bust!
by James Finn Garner
Gimli and his dwarvish brethren
Ol’ ZZ Top of Texas
Moonshiners of cliche southren
Moses (see Leviticus)
The Smith Brothers of lozenge fame
Grant and Lee and Whitman–
Beards may rouse players in the game
But I wouldn’t want to sniff one.