Would You Like To Run the O’s?
by James Finn Garner
How would you like to run the O’s?
Round and neat
A team with such potential
Nearly ready to compete
You can earn a pretty penny
With it like so:
O! O! O!
Would you like to run the O’s?
Feathered and so fleet
Ready to contend in the
Wide-open AL East
It’ll cost you just your job
Ernie: My job?
The Salesman: SHHHHHH!
Ernie: (whispering) My job?
The Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!
So take the job and watch the O’s take flight.
Now listen. When you run the O’s, you won’t be alone. All your decisions as GM will have to pass muster with a bunch of front-office yes men that Peter Angelos refuses to fire. That is, when he’s not meddling directly himself.
And if you get a name past them, he’ll still have to be approved by Buck Showalter in the dugout, who’s as stable as a three-legged dog most of the time.
So you can have a high-profile job with lots of pressure and no power, in the toughest division in baseball, for the most incompetent owner in the game. So tell me….
Would you like to run the O’s?
Take over for Andy McPhail
He couldn’t stand the heat
Now he’s got time to golf and sail
It’ll cost you just your job
Ernie: My job?
The Salesman: SHHHHHH!
Ernie: My job?
The Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!
So run the O’s and change them overnight.
Did we mention our “proud heritage”?
Just run the O’s and change them overnight.
Don’t forget the crab cakes.
So run the O’s and change them overnight.
Season’s Last Day Oakland Sportswriter Blues
By Stuart Shea
The Cardinals are blanking the Astros again,
And they’ll make the playoffs if the Braves can’t win.
I wish I was there for this wild-card craze,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Hey! Tampa came back from a 7-0 hole,
Dan Johnson just tied it–right off the foul pole!
I’d love to be seeing the Yankees and Rays,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Did Baltimore really just walk off the Sox?
And Papelbon pull one more of his rocks?
So Tampa and St. Lou are in. I’m amazed
That I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
It’s cold in this pressbox at Safeco Field,
And watching a meaningless game is the yield.
The action is elsewhere, and it’s one of those days.
I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
AL East 2011 Haiku Predictions
By Stuart Shea
BALTIMORE ORIOLES
Talented groundhogs
Trying to burrow through a
two-layer brick wall.
BOSTON RED SOX
Deep at every spot.
Not young at any of them,
Must win now or else.
NEW YORK YANKEES
E. Chavez is “back”!
Well, that’s a strange way to say
That he feels “healthy.”
TAMPA BAY RAYS
Damon? Ramirez?
It all depends what kind of
leadership you want.
TORONTO BLUE JAYS
Latinos can get
Good job opportunities
North of the border.
Feeling Good: Birds Flying Low
by David Bellel
.
.
Birds flying low, you know how I feel,
Three-hit Cano, you know how I feel,
Ten wins in a row, you know how I feel,
It’s another o-misplay
It’s a crucial CC K
It’s a Rivera save
For Yanks,
And I’m feeling good.
.
Check out David’s Yankee blog, Pseudo-Intellectualism.
Posted 6/30/10
Birdland
by David Bellel
Inspired by the Orioles’ recent home sweep of the Red Sox, the first in nearly 36 years, is a new version of “Birdland”:
In the middle of that hub
I remember one sad club
Where Bosox went to beat
Down near Sultan’s home street
Everybody flipped the bird
To a team nicknamed the Birds
Where Beantown pitchers twirled
Like the best in all the world
The records achieved there
Were beyond compare
Birdland, I’m singing
Birdland
Birdland, Old losin’ Birdland
Hey man, the O’s would really turn you on.
Really? but things have just turned around.
Down them stairs, old winners beware
Where? Down in Birdland
Booming swings, now Birds are kings
There, down in Birdland
Tejada would cook, Papi would look
Where? Down in Birdland
Ohnan came through, Nick came too.
There, down in Birdland
Papelbon got screwed, J.D. too
Where? Down in Birdland
Orioles played hard ball
Now Tremblay won’t fall
There, down in Birdland, Yeah!
David posts often at his blog, Pseudo-Intellectualism. Check it out.
Posted 5/13/2010
