Post-Season Prediction Doggerel
by James Finn Garner
All the network media dorks
Sing the praises of New York
They hate visiting places strange
Like Motown and the Texas Range
They’d rather crawl through Gotham sewers
Than watch the Snakes or Rays or Brewers.
They’re happy as a dog with bone
To stay in th’ Eastern Time Zone.
But Yankees pitching ain’t worth a lick.
The Phillies are my pick, in six.
Season’s Last Day Oakland Sportswriter Blues
By Stuart Shea
The Cardinals are blanking the Astros again,
And they’ll make the playoffs if the Braves can’t win.
I wish I was there for this wild-card craze,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Hey! Tampa came back from a 7-0 hole,
Dan Johnson just tied it–right off the foul pole!
I’d love to be seeing the Yankees and Rays,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Did Baltimore really just walk off the Sox?
And Papelbon pull one more of his rocks?
So Tampa and St. Lou are in. I’m amazed
That I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
It’s cold in this pressbox at Safeco Field,
And watching a meaningless game is the yield.
The action is elsewhere, and it’s one of those days.
I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Various Action of 6-21
by Ember Nickel
Paul
Hit a ball
Out for his fifth straight day. No Sox
Bat has got six straight days of park-vacating knocks.
Mitch
Also hit a ball out, which
Put things such that his squad won.
No outs–not a pitch (bar 10 and a half prior innings’ worth)–prior to winning run.
Zack
Didn’t lack
For Ks,
Notching 10 against Rays.
Ryan Howard
Is not a coward.
His hit wound up a big inning
So his squad wound up winning.
Brian
Had to start pitching, as Placido and Ryan
Both got hit by a pitch
On back-to-back plays, that inning. At that point, you must switch.
Carl Pavano
Had to go mano-a-mano
With his opposing moundsman. Carl didn’t notch a hit
But as his squad had 8 in as many at-bats, was cool with it.
Justin Smoak
Was part of a ninth-inning croak.
His squad was up by four
But couldn’t shut Washington’s door.
Ember Nickel blogs at Lipogram! Scorecard!
Fanfare
by Edmund Conti
Fans in New England (the Red Sox Nation)
Are masochists in anticipation.
Yankee fans are clever guys
Two strikes on batter, they all rise
Sophisticated crowd. Who knew
All of them could count to two?
The Cubby fans are loud and jivey,
Or are they rooting for the ivy?
It’s Baseball Night in Canada, eh?
Do the Blue Jays fight or do they play?
Texas loves the Texas Rangers
To the rest of us they’re total strangers.
Mets fans shout it:
Fuhgeddaboudit!
Good players are what their diamond lacks
But their fans still cheer the Diamondbacks.
The team is shaky in Seattle
The players may but the fans don’t rattle.
Florida fans all like to laze
Watch the game, take in the Rays.
Some fans will cheer and that’s
All we have for the Washington Nats.
Philadelphia’s fandom
Cheers or boos—it’s random.
I Got My ZoZo Working
by Stuart Shea
What Ho!
Ben Zo!
Two doubles…and a single…and a three-run blow!
Eight ribs?
No fibs!
Against a bunch of pitchers no one will ever know!
