The Venezuelan League
by Hilary Barta, assisted by Sid Yiddish
In the winter they swarm to Caracas
Where the fans, true to form, shake maracas
. Down there all the players
. Don’t wear many layers
As the sun keeps them warm in the tuchas.
The New Busch Stadium is NOT a Rodent Trap!
By Stuart Shea
How could that squirrel
Send Roy Oswalt squirmin’?
Well, Cardinals eat seeds and
don’t hunt vermin.
Season’s Last Day Oakland Sportswriter Blues
By Stuart Shea
The Cardinals are blanking the Astros again,
And they’ll make the playoffs if the Braves can’t win.
I wish I was there for this wild-card craze,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Hey! Tampa came back from a 7-0 hole,
Dan Johnson just tied it–right off the foul pole!
I’d love to be seeing the Yankees and Rays,
But I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
Did Baltimore really just walk off the Sox?
And Papelbon pull one more of his rocks?
So Tampa and St. Lou are in. I’m amazed
That I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
It’s cold in this pressbox at Safeco Field,
And watching a meaningless game is the yield.
The action is elsewhere, and it’s one of those days.
I’m stuck in Seattle covering the A’s.
The Bookkeepers Talk Baseball
by Jim Daniels
Betsy says a friend of hers
went to high school with Kirk Gibson
and that he was stuck up even then.
Debbie says Frank is taking her
to one of those things
where they play two games in one day.
What’s it called, a double bubble?
She makes a face: I can hardly stand one game
much less two.
Jack, the burly security guard says
it’s too damn boring. Everybody
standing around picking their asses.
I sit at my desk
flipping through accounts, pulling overdrafts.
My ass squirms in padded comfort
longing for the bleacher’s hard bench.
Arnold says he likes it better
on tv. Why go to the ballpark,
he asks, and deal with the traffic
and the crowds?
Better on tv?
Get yer red hots heah!
Coke! Iiiiiiice Cooooold Coke!
Crack of bat on ball. Smell
of stale cigars and spilled beer.
Seventh inning stretch.
Cold beer in the sun.
Cold beer in the sun.
I bang my seat
to start up a rally.
Jim Daniels is the Thomas Stockham Baker Professor of English at Carnegie Mellon University. His newest story collection, TRIGGER MAN: More Tales of the Motor City, is now available, and can be ordered from Amazon here.
The Futility of Cheating
By Stuart Shea
Man in a white suit
Stealing signs for the Blue Jays
But they still don’t win.
