by James Finn Garner
Hey, orange Marlins yahoo,
What gives you the right to
Wear something else than powder blue
Sitting where the world sees you?
You need to blend in with the crowd,
Not sit in garments screaming loud.
So you have a stub — think you can
Crimp our genius marketing plan?
To your Fish you think you’re loyal?
Well, here everyone cheers the Royals.
Your defiance makes the brass see red!
This is America, pal, and don’t forget!
by Stephen Jones
Drubbing the Orioles in their own Camden Yards,
The KC Royals are now boasting with pride:
“Lord Baltimore — you won’t go home again.”
Some souls might disagree, warn the team:
“Hey, careful what you wish for, prideful KC.
Your words can make angry birds more angry.”
By Stuart Shea
10 Teams Continue,
20 Teams Done.
Stories we have followed
Now consigned to history–
Into the pages of a book
That has been replaced by a web site.
Jose Abreu’s rookie season is over.
Corey Kluber’s ass-kicking year is over.
Phillip Hughes’ breakout is over.
Charlie Blackmon’s beard is over.
Kirk Gibson is VERY over.
But the damage done by Kevin Towers’ trades is just beginning.
Altuve’s wonderful year is over.
The Rangers’ long march of injuries is over…
But the Wash Era is also over.
Everth Cabrera’s honeymoon is over.
Marcus Stroman’s debut is over.
The painful Jay Bruce year is over.
Brock Holt Mania! is over.
Another King Felix masterwork is over.
Giancarlo’s monster season is over.
Jonathan Lucroy’s emergence is over.
The Braves’ painful swan dive is over.
Mesoraco’s breakout is over.
The struggles of Springer are over.
The weird Joe Mauer year is over.
Justin Smoak’s chance is over.
Another frustrating Rockies season is over.
The Chase Headley Padres are over.
The Papelbon crap is over,
But the Phillies’ country club continues.
The Frank Wren Era is over.
Colby Rasmus in Toronto is REALLY over.
Desmond Jennings’ honeymoon is over.
Heath Bell seems over.
The Cubs on WGN are over.
Bobby Abreu is over.
Josh Willingham is over.
Carlos Beltran sure looks over.
Can Kevin Gregg please be over?
Jason Giambi is finally over, right?
The 2013 World Champs are really over.
Is Ron Roenicke’s time over?
The Mets’ sexual harassment suit is NOT over.
Wrigley Field as we knew it is over.
Paul Konerko is over.
Derek Jeter is over.
20 Teams are over.
From 1976, sung by Dave Cash, Larry Bowa, Greg Luzinski, Mike Schmidt and Garry Maddox.
by Michael X. Ferraro
Since one hobbled hero punched out the sky
The falls have been dull, or worse yet, just shy.
For 25 years, no Dodger champagne–
The 90s and Aughts both circled the drain.
This once-storied franchise seemed out of sorts,
Under FOX ownership, then… the McCourts.
“O’Malley, where art thou?,” wailed the true Blue,
until, just like Magic, that gang was through.
Now Gonzo is clearing ducks off the pond,
Dee Gordon stole second (while you just yawned).
That Jansen is lights out, Puig’s got a gun
and Kemp, once again, is hitting a ton.
Greinke rings ‘em up, Ryu mows’em down,
and Uribe’s got the best hands in town.
BUT Hanley is gimpy. The bullpen’s thin.
Call a search party, where’s Ethier been?
Can Mattingly manage in the big games,
Or will one more yearbook go up in flames?
The catchers both bat with petrified wood,
Yet Kershaw is crazy, Koufaxy good.
For two point five decades they’ve come up short.
That is the maddening part of this sport.
A bad hop here, or a fluke double there,
can transform confetti into despair.
The stage is now set at Chavez Ravine,
for a typically late Hollywood scene.
Way up in his booth, Vin’s riding catbird
in hopes that the crowd will have the last word.
Michael X. Ferraro’s debut novel, a pro football satire called Circus Catch, will be available on Amazon and elsewhere in October.