Browse all poems and songs in the 'Detroit Tigers' Category


Say Goodbye to These Retirees

by James Finn Garner

As the leaves turn from green to brown
And we rekindle antipathy for Joe Buck
Let’s recall players whose careers are done
And their stories of drive and hope and luck.

Jered Weaver, strikeout ace,
Can now just putter around his place.

Atlanta’s Frenchy, Jeff Francouer
Will now as a TV color man tour.

SF fans can thank Matt Cain
For embiggening the Jints again.

Likewise, Ryan Vogelsong
Can practice bird calls all day long.

Joe Nathan will have to find his thrill
Somewhere other than the bullpen hill.

And Nick Swisher, quintessential bro,
Will just leave a trail of grit where’er he goes.

To these and all other retirees
Thank you for the thrilling years.
Now, with us, relax near the TV,
Watch some playoff ball and enjoy some beers.

 



Came Yom Kippur

by Edgar Guest

Published in the Detroit Free Press, 1934

Came Yom Kippur — holy fast day world wide over to the Jew,
And Hank Greenberg to his teaching and the old tradition true
Spent the day among his people and he didn’t come to play.
Said Murphy to Mulrooney, “We shall lose the game today!
We shall miss him on the infield and shall miss him at the bat
But he’s true to his religion — and I honor him for that.”

 



Motown’s Upton Funk

by Michael X. Ferraro

Detroit, you’ve got no Uptons left.
Justin’s long gone — of Kate, bereft.
Pray those front office moves are deft
Just like Verlander’s chin so cleft.

 



I Am Some Body!

by Jim Siergey

O, how I wish Destiny put
As catcher, one day, Barry Foote
While on the mound lands
The hurler Bill Hands
I’d pay an arm and a leg to see that

The bullpen is aptly in place
With perfectly named Elroy Face
As one last zinger
We add Rollie Fingers
With Heinie Manush up to bat

As he comes to the plate, there’s a buzz,
The one man with the name to give pause,
Each syllable clear-
Ly a body part dear:
Here comes man-of-parts Tony Armas!

 



Horrible Things to See

by James Finn Garner

Salma Hayek with a broken nose
Kittens stuck in lava flows
Graffiti at the Alamo
Steve Bannon in seductive pose
Zombies chawing on my toes
Sarah Sanders’ underclothes
A schoolbus in an undertow

But worst of all

JV decked out for the ‘Stros.

 

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