Expert Color Commentary Prediction Haiku
by John Shea
BALTIMORE ORIOLES
“They might break even
if the young pitching improves.”
We’ve heard this before.
BOSTON RED SOX
After a tough loss
the new manager searches
for false-nose glasses
SEATTLE MARINERS
Jesus can create
a feast from loaves and fishes,
but Jesus can’t catch.
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
With steroids now banned
normal aging will resume.
The cliff draws near.
DETROIT TIGERS
Trying to play third
when first base is a stretch could
drive a man to drink.
2012 AL Central Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO WHITE SOX
With the mouth gone to
Sunnier climes, will the Sox
Be hung out to dry?
CLEVELAND INDIANS
“Is Grady injured?”
“Was there a Tuesday last week?”
Michael Brantley’s glad.
DETROIT TIGERS
27 games
Before Brandon Inge returns
To reclaim third base.
KANSAS CITY ROYALS
Those young hitters can’t
Overpower the smell of
Five pieces of meat.
MINNESOTA TWINS
Such a nice ballpark
And such nice people watching
Their nice, boring team.
The Upside to Discretionary World Series Watching
by James Finn Garner
I wish Detroit had gone farther,
not so quickly emptied their larder
. but I feel I’m in luck
. to not hear Joe Buck
and double that for Colonel McCarver.
Detroit vs. Texas Finale
by Hilary Barta
The third was both end and beginning,
It determined the losing and winning
. For the Tigers, the plane
. To the Rangers, champagne
All it took was one Texas-sized inning.
Bengals and Bondo
by Hilary Barta
Tonight, if the weather stays dry,
the Tigers will give it a try
. In duct tape they’re bandaged,
. yet somehow they’ve managed
to fight to game 6, do or die.
