Stealing Signs of the Apocalypse
by James Finn Garner
I know our mortal trial’s done
Eternal judgment just beginning
When Verlander walks in two runs
And gives up seven in one inning.
The Return of Valverde
By Stuart Shea
He’s back! When I saw him, I squinted.
Is that silly beard really half-tinted?
. ‘Twas a lift that he gave
. Nailing down his first save,
And potential new doggerel minted!
The Play-by-Play’s the Thing!
by James Finn Garner
To honor the birth and death of the Bard of Avon on April 23:
His spirit having shed this mortal clay,
Consider Shakespeare doing play-by-play.
With artful language, could he break the code,
Or just “stand like a house by th’ side of th’ road”?
To hear, egads, of someone “going yard”
Might sow farming tableaux within the Bard.
A “dying quail” or “Texas Leaguer”, s’truth,
are chestnuts we might hear the playwright uthe.
The redhead like old Barber might repeat
A phrase like “sitting in the catbird’s seat.”
Shout “Holy cow!” he’d not, nor tipsy sing,
Though quaffing Falstaff would remove the sting.
Arrives the pitch both high, tight and inside,
Quoth he: “With patience do such things betide.”
Having Shakespeare on the broadcast team!
Faith, t’would be the sweetest wordsmith’s dream!
“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day”
Rings brighter than, “These two teams came to play.”
To catch, though, baseball’s phantom ballyhoo,
He’d trail stout Ernie: “Let us playeth two!”
2013 AL Central Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO
No Sale, no pennant?
Can Beckham bend it foreward?
Is Konerko Dunn?
CLEVELAND
Re-seeding is hard.
Big contracts are easier.
80-82.
DETROIT
No closer, no stress?
Just win every game by five!
(Time for a Zantac.)
KANSAS CITY
The Wil to win “soon”
Has been supplanted by the
Will to win today.
MINNESOTA
Ten thousand lakes teem
With tears from ticket-holding
Twin fan Targetees.
The World Series: It Just Happened, Right?
by Stephen Jones
After Hurricane Sandy, and some days -
a rout of water washed memory away -
I try and recall the World Series.
Television numbers, ratings a barometer
of national enthusiasm, were lower,
much lower. So how to dissect this?
Critics argue: the Series starts too late.
Schedule it to start on an earlier date.
But this alone doesn’t make the Series
more memorable. Maybe it was what
lack of punch Detroit brought to the plate?
Or San Fran’s sudden metamorphosis?
Maybe a team peaked too soon while the other
crested even above its own high water
mark? In a season, any team will do this.
If I was an ardent hometown fan, Yes
I’d crow from the bleachers unabashed.
My team won – that’s all that matters.
But past the TV hype, the predictions
and overwhelming prognostications,
I try and recall the World Series.
Something happened. Or maybe not.
It was like the last pitch of the last out:
Cabrera not blinking, not even swinging -
Detroit in the eye of a storm not of its doing.
