2013 NL West Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
ARIZONA
As snakes in the grass
Lie in wait for their prey…Nah.
This team is just old.
COLORADO
Wise beyond his years,
or simply out of his league?
Walt Weiss’ springtime.
LOS ANGELES
Gold, silver, riches
beyond all compare will buy
just one Zack Greinke.
SAN DIEGO
At least it’s always
a lovely place to work on
The perfect suntan.
SAN FRANCISCO
Ladies: when seeking
wealthy East Bay pensioners,
Look for Series rings.
2012 NL West Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
Over(bay) the Miles,
Young men climb Upton a Hill—
This poet’s a Putz
COLORADO ROCKIES
The prime of one’s life
Ends around 40 for all
But Jamie Moyer
LOS ANGELES DODGERS
It’s a Magic time!
Millionaires swap property
And the fans go wild
SAN DIEGO PADRES
Highly paid jocks in
Military uniforms?
A bullshit salute
SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS
The Posey’s a bloom
That needs strong roots around it
Not these flimsy sticks
Cardinals: Don’t Hate Us Cuz We Win
by Alan P. Rudy
A Cubs fan laments of Cardinal success,
In the face of Philly’s utter Yankee-ness,
And Arizona’s owner’s militant anti-immigrant mess,
Of Milwaukee’s ties to the Commish’s anti-player caress…
Fans of cursed fate are sad to witness.
Post-Season Prediction Doggerel
by James Finn Garner
All the network media dorks
Sing the praises of New York
They hate visiting places strange
Like Motown and the Texas Range
They’d rather crawl through Gotham sewers
Than watch the Snakes or Rays or Brewers.
They’re happy as a dog with bone
To stay in th’ Eastern Time Zone.
But Yankees pitching ain’t worth a lick.
The Phillies are my pick, in six.
The Return of Sean Burroughs
by Stuart Shea
Little League Hero,
First-round pick.
Partied ’til sick,
Major league zero.
Cleared his name,
Did what it takes.
Signed with the Snakes,
Back in the game.
