2012 NL West Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
Over(bay) the Miles,
Young men climb Upton a Hill—
This poet’s a Putz
COLORADO ROCKIES
The prime of one’s life
Ends around 40 for all
But Jamie Moyer
LOS ANGELES DODGERS
It’s a Magic time!
Millionaires swap property
And the fans go wild
SAN DIEGO PADRES
Highly paid jocks in
Military uniforms?
A bullshit salute
SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS
The Posey’s a bloom
That needs strong roots around it
Not these flimsy sticks
Cardinals: Don’t Hate Us Cuz We Win
by Alan P. Rudy
A Cubs fan laments of Cardinal success,
In the face of Philly’s utter Yankee-ness,
And Arizona’s owner’s militant anti-immigrant mess,
Of Milwaukee’s ties to the Commish’s anti-player caress…
Fans of cursed fate are sad to witness.
Post-Season Prediction Doggerel
by James Finn Garner
All the network media dorks
Sing the praises of New York
They hate visiting places strange
Like Motown and the Texas Range
They’d rather crawl through Gotham sewers
Than watch the Snakes or Rays or Brewers.
They’re happy as a dog with bone
To stay in th’ Eastern Time Zone.
But Yankees pitching ain’t worth a lick.
The Phillies are my pick, in six.
The Return of Sean Burroughs
by Stuart Shea
Little League Hero,
First-round pick.
Partied ’til sick,
Major league zero.
Cleared his name,
Did what it takes.
Signed with the Snakes,
Back in the game.
Fanfare
by Edmund Conti
Fans in New England (the Red Sox Nation)
Are masochists in anticipation.
Yankee fans are clever guys
Two strikes on batter, they all rise
Sophisticated crowd. Who knew
All of them could count to two?
The Cubby fans are loud and jivey,
Or are they rooting for the ivy?
It’s Baseball Night in Canada, eh?
Do the Blue Jays fight or do they play?
Texas loves the Texas Rangers
To the rest of us they’re total strangers.
Mets fans shout it:
Fuhgeddaboudit!
Good players are what their diamond lacks
But their fans still cheer the Diamondbacks.
The team is shaky in Seattle
The players may but the fans don’t rattle.
Florida fans all like to laze
Watch the game, take in the Rays.
Some fans will cheer and that’s
All we have for the Washington Nats.
Philadelphia’s fandom
Cheers or boos—it’s random.
