By Stuart Shea
Now that he’s leading the Diamondbacks,
Tony LaRussa had better make tracks.
Get rid of the manager, GM, and crew,
Blow up the caravan and start something new.
Bring in some analysts, give fans a shock,
Keep Phoenix from fielding a laughing stock.
(There’s already enough in AZ for comedy–
Sheriff Joe, desert sprawl, gated communities.)
Not that I’m suggesting anything rash,
But Kirk and Kevin belong in the trash.
by Philip Pecorino
What a wonder!
This year it was in the Land Down Under.
Then again, it began.
Way out West came the first test.
Californians appear in the lead
Until the rest get up to speed.
by Stuart Shea
Now, the big question:
Will Trumbo survive the fall
From an angel to snake?
Does not mean that a person
Knows what they’re doing.
The Freak must now prove
That he can effectively
Re-get his Freak on.
Who will hang a star
On future great Padres plays
Now that Jerry’s gone?
Will the Car Go boom?
Will Tulo’s stats be too low?
Will anyone care?
by Michael X. Ferraro
Baseball in August creates many jobs
for travel agents and typesetting slobs.
Rehab assignments, Triple A spot starts,
Pennant aspirants shopping for spare parts.
Roster gods move in mysterious ways–
David DeJesus, three teams in five days?
Colin Cowgill’s grin, Billy Buckner’s frown.
Holy Toledo, Phil Coke’s been sent down!
Some guys can’t clear waivers; others released,
Plus one salary dump in the NL East.
(The Mets helped Pittsburgh in a deal most absurd—
Just tossed them a Buck and flipped them a Byrd.)
Eduardo Sanchez, gone from the big club.
But Ma Arrieta, Jake’s now a Cub!
Brad Boxberger sighs, packs for the bushes.
John Axford heads where the playoff push is.
Contenders reload, pretenders cut bait.
Hey Tuffy Goseswisch, Reno’s your fate.
Jose Constanza the Braves did recall,
with hopes that he’ll help them deep into Fall.
Philly’s less Savery—no Joe in the bigs;
Report sir, at once, to the Iron Pigs.
Ross Wolf’s been optioned to Round Rock Express,
while the Dodgers scooped up Edinson Volquez.
One-line transactions, a queer kind of fame.
Vic Black, you’ve become “Player To Be Named.”
Xavier Avery’s now a Rainier,
maybe Seattle, he’ll see you next year?
Michael X. Ferraro is a writer/producer/lyricist who scans the fine print daily to make sure he hasn’t been outrighted to Lehigh Valley.
by D. Bruce Brown
Is Haiku foolish?
For the national pastime?
Heavens, I hope not.
Nice guys finish last
Crabby managers do win
They still need pitching
Is money the key?
It can bring in the big names
No, it’s the scouting
Thin air skews his stats.
Is Todd a Hall of Famer?
No, probably not
We won it all twice…
With an absence of offense
Only even years
A beautiful park
The only Hall of Famer
Is up in the booth
Fourteen in a row
Is not so impossible
It might start this year
First picks starting games
Davey says this is his last
A doormat no more
A team on the rise
They are not now any more
We all miss Harry
A small pantheon
But will be growing soon now
Matt Harvey’s a star
Was ever team
More worthy than its owner
To be in the Bigs?
The league’s best record
They have birds on their jerseys
We all will miss Stan
A great tradition
Lives on in the memory of fans
Maybe the year’s here!
Phillips is wondrous
The rest are outstanding too
It’s Dusty’s last year
The city’s windy
Is anything more constant
Than fans’ apathy?
Segura is great
John Axford is clean shaven
Nicest fans ever
D. Bruce Brown has posted daily trivia questions for Horsehide Trivia since 1997. He is also the president of the Bob Davids chapter of SABR.