Cardinals: Don’t Hate Us Cuz We Win
by Alan P. Rudy
A Cubs fan laments of Cardinal success,
In the face of Philly’s utter Yankee-ness,
And Arizona’s owner’s militant anti-immigrant mess,
Of Milwaukee’s ties to the Commish’s anti-player caress…
Fans of cursed fate are sad to witness.
Post-Season Prediction Doggerel
by James Finn Garner
All the network media dorks
Sing the praises of New York
They hate visiting places strange
Like Motown and the Texas Range
They’d rather crawl through Gotham sewers
Than watch the Snakes or Rays or Brewers.
They’re happy as a dog with bone
To stay in th’ Eastern Time Zone.
But Yankees pitching ain’t worth a lick.
The Phillies are my pick, in six.
The Return of Sean Burroughs
by Stuart Shea
Little League Hero,
First-round pick.
Partied ’til sick,
Major league zero.
Cleared his name,
Did what it takes.
Signed with the Snakes,
Back in the game.
Fanfare
by Edmund Conti
Fans in New England (the Red Sox Nation)
Are masochists in anticipation.
Yankee fans are clever guys
Two strikes on batter, they all rise
Sophisticated crowd. Who knew
All of them could count to two?
The Cubby fans are loud and jivey,
Or are they rooting for the ivy?
It’s Baseball Night in Canada, eh?
Do the Blue Jays fight or do they play?
Texas loves the Texas Rangers
To the rest of us they’re total strangers.
Mets fans shout it:
Fuhgeddaboudit!
Good players are what their diamond lacks
But their fans still cheer the Diamondbacks.
The team is shaky in Seattle
The players may but the fans don’t rattle.
Florida fans all like to laze
Watch the game, take in the Rays.
Some fans will cheer and that’s
All we have for the Washington Nats.
Philadelphia’s fandom
Cheers or boos—it’s random.
NL West 2011 Haiku Predictions
By Stuart Shea
ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
With Mark Reynolds gone,
It won’t be quite as windy
this year at Chase Field
COLORADO ROCKIES
Clutch Car-Go signed,
Willy Taveras signed too–
One step up, one back.
LOS ANGELES DODGERS
An oblique signing,
Middling veteran Jon Garland–
Now an oblique strain.
SAN DIEGO PADRES
It is much tougher
To sneak up on somebody
When they know you’re there.
SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS
As full as lush peonies,
Hosting every bee and fly–
Brian Wilson’s beard.
