Browse all poems and songs in the 'Arizona Diamondbacks' Category

Autumn’s New Retirees

by James Finn Garner

Before the Fall gets underway,
Let us doff our caps and say
Goodbye to those who’ll junk their cleats,
Leave the park and walk the streets.

Super-versatile Angel Chone
Will now be the utility man at home.
Grant Balfour, hothead Aussie,
Can only fume when his wife gets bossy.

Phil Humber’s vaunted perfect game
Was his sole stat worth noting (such a shame).
The Prince has trouble with his neck–
He’ll inspire no more fear on-deck.

Tex and A-Rod will leave the Yanks
And all their fans will mumble thanks,
While Raf Soriano has called an end
To tell war stories, a fine fireman.

But let’s not forget the other guys,
Young tyros once, with starry eyes,
Who gave their all but somehow missed
The general manager’s call-up list.

They’re just as key to the game as any
Adam LaRoche or Brad Penny.
Talent, drive and dreams they bid,
Just like us when we were kids.


National League West 2015 Spring Training Haiku

By Stuart Shea

One perfect lesson:
“Toughness” is no replacement
for smarts and talent

The car will not go
if Car-Go cannot go for
more than half the trip

If Vin Scully calls
a game on SportsNet LA,
does anyone hear?

Best way to catch flies?
Simple. Put shit in your field!
Oh, wait…they’ve tried that

The World Champions
now go begging for alms to
replace their lost pence


Baseball’s Sad Exeunt

by Jim Siergey

These are the saddest of possible words:
Jeter, Konerko and Dunn.
Trio of dear ones to all baseball nerds,
Jeter, Konerko and Dunn.
Clean-cutly playing our National Game,
Each one achieving attention and fame —
Long we’ll remember each one of their names:
Jeter, Konerko and Dunn.


Regular Season Post-Mortem, or a Toast to Stories Departed

By Stuart Shea

10 Teams Continue,
20 Teams Done.
Stories we have followed
Now consigned to history–
Into the pages of a book
That has been replaced by a web site.

Jose Abreu’s rookie season is over.
Corey Kluber’s ass-kicking year is over.
Phillip Hughes’ breakout is over.
Charlie Blackmon’s beard is over.
Kirk Gibson is VERY over.
But the damage done by Kevin Towers’ trades is just beginning.
Altuve’s wonderful year is over.
The Rangers’ long march of injuries is over…
But the Wash Era is also over.

Everth Cabrera’s honeymoon is over.
Marcus Stroman’s debut is over.
The painful Jay Bruce year is over.
Brock Holt Mania! is over.
Another King Felix masterwork is over.
Giancarlo’s monster season is over.
Jonathan Lucroy’s emergence is over.
The Braves’ painful swan dive is over.
Mesoraco’s breakout is over.
The struggles of Springer are over.
The weird Joe Mauer year is over.
Justin Smoak’s chance is over.
Another frustrating Rockies season is over.
The Chase Headley Padres are over.
The Papelbon crap is over,
But the Phillies’ country club continues.

The Frank Wren Era is over.
Colby Rasmus in Toronto is REALLY over.
Desmond Jennings’ honeymoon is over.
Heath Bell seems over.
The Cubs on WGN are over.
Bobby Abreu is over.
Josh Willingham is over.
Carlos Beltran sure looks over.
Can Kevin Gregg please be over?
Jason Giambi is finally over, right?
The 2013 World Champs are really over.
Is Ron Roenicke’s time over?
The Mets’ sexual harassment suit is NOT over.
Wrigley Field as we knew it is over.
Paul Konerko is over.
Derek Jeter is over.
20 Teams are over.

Tony Takes the Wheel

By Stuart Shea

Now that he’s leading the Diamondbacks,
Tony LaRussa had better make tracks.
Get rid of the manager, GM, and crew,
Blow up the caravan and start something new.

Bring in some analysts, give fans a shock,
Keep Phoenix from fielding a laughing stock.
(There’s already enough in AZ for comedy–
Sheriff Joe, desert sprawl, gated communities.)

Not that I’m suggesting anything rash,
But Kirk and Kevin belong in the trash.


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Copyright 2007 Bardball.