Browse all poems and songs in the 'Management' Category


Well, Shucks

by R.J. Lesch

Here’s Bryan Price, his Reds down on their luck.
With injuries his players have been hit.
As manager, he sure would like to duck
His duties as a spokesman, and to sit

upon the news of who could play, and tuck
away the players who could not. But it
is not an option nowadays. No truck
is had with silence on such things. To wit,

reporters and their readers want to pluck
from every minute’s stream the latest bit
of news. And if it hurts the team? Tough. Suck
it up. And Reds’ opponents benefit.

I guess he thinks he’d had enough with schmucks.
And so Price vents, and Rosecrans “tsks” and clucks.

 



#3in5

by Paul Kocak

From the late-night Belt
To the Ishikawa blast
(Leaving Matheny aghast)
From the Reverend Pence
Splat against the wall
Tongue lolling
To the champagne dance
We are LOLing
Champions together
#3in5

We might be Giants
Say Hey!
A three-ring cirque du soleil
With a dollop of brouillard
(That’s French for “fog”)
We go yard; we play hard
Olé
Cue Tony Bennett
#3in5

We’ve got Brandons galore
(Crawford, Hicks and Belt)
(And even a Dan — aaargh — Uggla)
An Angel-ic Pagán
And Morse Code tapping SOS and more!
Game-tying crash
Glove wizards Perez and Blanco
White Shark speeding, sailing, soaring
We are Champions
Hashtag World Series
Even years we adore
#3in5

We are Giants
Golden-Gated
Manhattan-transplanted
By Bums we are hated
Eight titles, calculated
Add them, elated
(Three, belated)
Call them banners or flags
Call them rings
Making our heartstrings sing
Forevermore
Demons exorcised
Passions exercised
#3in5

It is the dawning
Of the Age of J. Arias
And LOOGY Lopez too
Lincecum and Cain and Machi
Stricken Strickland
Adrianza, Susac and Sanchez, true
Don’t forget Romo of Sergio
Or long-man Petit
Nor Affeldt, rock-steady Jeremy
Or Duffy speeding homeward
And Posey, our Buster,
Batterymate anchor, aweigh
Awaiting The Hug
#3in5

We are guitar-pickin’, smart-pitchin’ Peavy
Gutsy Gutierrez, strong Vogelsong
Stoic saver Casilla
Cagey Hudson navigating age with grace
Madison Bumgarner, ace of aces
Big Country
Starter, saver, savior
Backed by The Flip
Panik to Crawford
Saving Game 7
Striking icons of history
Hoisting trophy and treasure
#3in5

Bochy the maestro
Baer and Sabean
Flannery, Kelly, Meulens
Righetti and Ron
And all the rest
Named and unnamed
We are Giants
Panda falling backward into eternity
Caught
Captured
Parading into paradise
#3in5

Paul Kocak is the author of Baseball’s Starry Night: Reliving Major League Baseball’s 2011 Wild Card Night of Shock and Awe, which Doris Kearns Goodwin called “a magical book about a magical night.” He followed this with World Serious: One San Francisco Giants Fan’s 2012 Pilgrimage. He is completing a memoir on his life as a Giants fan.



Sgt. Pepper’s 2015 Forecast: “Being for the Benefit of Mister I”

by James Finn Garner

For the benefit of Mister I
The Tiges will give another try
At a Series ring
In the race four times before
Then they’re always shown the door
Damn, it stings

.     But with Cabrera and two Martinez
.     The hits should still be raining in Motown
.     If God wills, Alex Avila doesn’t get hurt

Yeah, Max Scherzer hit the road
The Nationals can bear that load
(He will be missed)
David Price might have the stuff
But does the bullpen have enough?
Let’s check the list:

.     Phil Coke is gone, and Rick Porcello,
.     Which leaves Soria, Albuquerque and Nathan
.     Climbing higher? Dumpster fire? Who the hell knows?

Castellanos will be there
We’ll marvel at Cespedes’ flair
In center field
Ian Kinsler leaps and spins
Let’s hope Iglesias’ pins
Have really healed

.     Twisting the government ’round his fingers
.     Is not enough for Detroit’s pizza king
.     Which is why Mister I keeps spending his dough….

 



Sgt. Pepper’s 2015 Forecast: “Joe Maddon, Joe Maddon!”

by James Finn Garner

For one hundred years, nothin’ but tears and “Wait til next year”
Nothing to do but hoist a few nine-dollar beers
What are the odds? Did we anger the gods?
I have one thing to say, that it’s okay:
JOE MADDON, JOE MADDON, JOE MADDON!

Epstein’s at work, trying to stock up the old farm
Call up sure things, they bring nothing, nothing but harm

.      Try to fix the park, the fanbase screams
.      Just try to find new money streams
.      Rebuild the bleachers?  They’re still torn down!
.      Cards fans and rats all over town

Not much to say ‘bout Felix Pie, another “sure bet.”
Itzuris and Guzman — what’s the use, man?  One more null set.
Calling Marmol to save’s like digging your grave
I have one thing to say, that it’s okay:
JOE MADDON, JOE MADDON, JOE MADDON!

.      But Castro, Alcantara and Baez
.      Might be as good as Epstein says
.      Jorge Soler’s a beast, and — WOW!
.      John Lester’s here? Please shoot me now!

Try to temper hope, not be a dope, but it’s getting hard
Everyone’s cryin’ to see Kris Bryant in the ballyard
Reverse the Curse? We couldn’t get worse.
There’s just one thing to say, we’ve made our play:
JOE MADDON, JOE MADDON, JOE MADDON!
JOE MADDON, JOE MADDON, JOE MADDON!
JOE MADDON, JOE MADDON, JOE MADDON!

 

 



Sgt. Pepper’s 2015 Forecast: Intro

by Stuart Shea

It was 17 years ago today
The home run chase seemed to save the day
But the numbers weren’t what they seemed
Neither Sosa nor McGwire were clean

Here’s regime change for you (if anybody really cares)
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew!

(skin flute solos)

We’re Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew
Now come and pee into this cup
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew
Our game is on the up-and-up

Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew

It’s wonderful to be clean
It gives us such a thrill
To know we’ve purged the game of drugs
Except, of course, for adderall
And liquor pays our bills!

I don’t really want to stop the game
But I’d like to make a little claim
What will happen, can you deduce,
When they legalize a “drug of abuse”?

Have you thought about what that will mean
When 300 million folks ain’t “clean”
Like Sgt. Manfred’s smiling Drug-Test crew?

 

 

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