Brand New Allegory
by Sid Yiddish
.
In November,
When trees become slender
Why is baseball still being played?
We’ve strayed into dangerous territory
A brand new allegory
That sadly cannot be fixed
What we learn,
When there is money to burn
Is not much, to say the least
Just as long as there are hops and yeast added to the mix
A few more tickets to sell
And a couple of hotdogs too
The game could be played well into December,
A month when we traditionally feel the warmth of glowing embers,
But the idea of frostbitten toes and fingers just makes no sense!
I mean, can you imagine Chicago’s Carlos Zambrano in a big gray parka, scarf over mouth while pitching an ice ball straight over the plate, while St Louis’ Mark DeRosa is shivering and shuffles his feet just to keep warm and knocks the ice ball right into the stands, causing fans to slip on ice patches and scuffle over an ice ball, thereby giving frostbite and twisted ankles to several fans in sub-zero temperatures, while both bullpens are warming up with giant bonfires made from Louisville Sluggers?
Well, I can.
But I don’t want to.
And this is why baseball should not go beyond mid-October.
For on Christmas Day, I don’t want some guy say, “Can’t wait for the annual New Year’s Major League Snowball Bash.”
.
Posted 11/9/2009
Fire Sale
By Stuart Shea
Yes, you heard right!
Underachieving major league ballplayers
Available for pennies on the dollar!
Hoot and holler
And make your way
To 35th and Shields today!
Visit Kenny Williams’ close-out old-sock sale!
Don’t wait for a flyer in the mail
Because this offer only lasts til
All the talent is gone,
Or September 30, whichever comes first.
.
Posted 9/8/2009
Stu’s new book, Pink Floyd FAQ, is available now!
Mets Redux Haiku
by Patrick Hogan
Omar Minaya
silent at the trade deadline
blame Adam Rubin
Published 8/26/09
