For Sale
by Stephen Jones
Sale: Storied Franchise
By McCourt in divorce court
Call: 1-800-Bailout
Would You Like To Run the O’s?
by James Finn Garner
How would you like to run the O’s?
Round and neat
A team with such potential
Nearly ready to compete
You can earn a pretty penny
With it like so:
O! O! O!
Would you like to run the O’s?
Feathered and so fleet
Ready to contend in the
Wide-open AL East
It’ll cost you just your job
Ernie: My job?
The Salesman: SHHHHHH!
Ernie: (whispering) My job?
The Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!
So take the job and watch the O’s take flight.
Now listen. When you run the O’s, you won’t be alone. All your decisions as GM will have to pass muster with a bunch of front-office yes men that Peter Angelos refuses to fire. That is, when he’s not meddling directly himself.
And if you get a name past them, he’ll still have to be approved by Buck Showalter in the dugout, who’s as stable as a three-legged dog most of the time.
So you can have a high-profile job with lots of pressure and no power, in the toughest division in baseball, for the most incompetent owner in the game. So tell me….
Would you like to run the O’s?
Take over for Andy McPhail
He couldn’t stand the heat
Now he’s got time to golf and sail
It’ll cost you just your job
Ernie: My job?
The Salesman: SHHHHHH!
Ernie: My job?
The Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!
So run the O’s and change them overnight.
Did we mention our “proud heritage”?
Just run the O’s and change them overnight.
Don’t forget the crab cakes.
So run the O’s and change them overnight.
A Fan Long Irritated by Self-Proud Prattle
by Alan P. Rudy
McCarver was a Cardinal
We’re taught to believe
He caught Bob Gibson
For his thumb he still grieves
Yet as an announcer
No praise for the Cards, just bashes
By omission or commission
The man’s head’s up his asses.
Alan is a sociology professor at Central Michigan University.
Red Sox Baseball Sideways (Or How Not To Slide Safely In Boston)
by Stephen Jones
Franchise disarray
Post-season fingers pointing
Rumor mill working
Franchise scrambling
Truth . . . Boston fog obscuring
Who did what . . . or not?
A manager leaves
Pitchers eat chicken drink beer
Ownership denies
What to remember?
Two championships . . . or collapse?
Or “What’s next at bat”?
The Upside to Discretionary World Series Watching
by James Finn Garner
I wish Detroit had gone farther,
not so quickly emptied their larder
. but I feel I’m in luck
. to not hear Joe Buck
and double that for Colonel McCarver.
