Browse all poems and songs in the 'Management' Category


Regular Season Post-Mortem, or a Toast to Stories Departed

By Stuart Shea

10 Teams Continue,
20 Teams Done.
Stories we have followed
Now consigned to history–
Into the pages of a book
That has been replaced by a web site.

Jose Abreu’s rookie season is over.
Corey Kluber’s ass-kicking year is over.
Phillip Hughes’ breakout is over.
Charlie Blackmon’s beard is over.
Kirk Gibson is VERY over.
But the damage done by Kevin Towers’ trades is just beginning.
Altuve’s wonderful year is over.
The Rangers’ long march of injuries is over…
But the Wash Era is also over.

Everth Cabrera’s honeymoon is over.
Marcus Stroman’s debut is over.
The painful Jay Bruce year is over.
Brock Holt Mania! is over.
Another King Felix masterwork is over.
Giancarlo’s monster season is over.
Jonathan Lucroy’s emergence is over.
The Braves’ painful swan dive is over.
Mesoraco’s breakout is over.
The struggles of Springer are over.
The weird Joe Mauer year is over.
Justin Smoak’s chance is over.
Another frustrating Rockies season is over.
The Chase Headley Padres are over.
The Papelbon crap is over,
But the Phillies’ country club continues.

The Frank Wren Era is over.
Colby Rasmus in Toronto is REALLY over.
Desmond Jennings’ honeymoon is over.
Heath Bell seems over.
The Cubs on WGN are over.
Bobby Abreu is over.
Josh Willingham is over.
Carlos Beltran sure looks over.
Can Kevin Gregg please be over?
Jason Giambi is finally over, right?
The 2013 World Champs are really over.
Is Ron Roenicke’s time over?
The Mets’ sexual harassment suit is NOT over.
Wrigley Field as we knew it is over.
Paul Konerko is over.
Derek Jeter is over.
20 Teams are over.



No Bravery This October

By Stuart Shea

Leaving Atlanta for the suburbs,
Swimming upriver like the other turds,
A bad team with no personality
And a logo strictly for the birds.

A dumb manager and no GM,
Folding down the stretch again,
Stuck with Chip Caray on the mike
And a press corps of yes-men,

Once this was America’s team,
Murphy, Maddux, Glavine, even Bream,
They’ll be sitting at home this October,
And don’t it make you wanna let out a
Big
Happy
Scream?



“Outsmarted” A’s

by The Village Elliott

Trades ‘Rough Diamond’ like common gravel:
Pulled string starting A’s to unravel?!?
.   Though the jury’s still out,
.   Final verdict, no doubt:
“Beane outsmarted self” when judge pounds gavel.

 



This is Just to Say, from the White Sox

by James Finn Garner

With apologies to William Carlos Williams

We have traded
Adam Dunn
who was clogging
the payroll

to the A’s
in a pennant race
for a bag
of rocks

Forgive us
he was ridiculous
so whiffable
and so old

 



The Yankee Contracts Poem

by Hart Seely

Three more years of A-Rod,
Each, twenty million-plus.
Three more years of C.C.,
Blown tires on the bus.
Six more years of Ellsb’ry,
Just where did we go wrong?
And two more years of Beltran…
I will not live that long.

Two more years, Teixeira,
McCann, until ’18.
Gardner through the following year,
By then, I’ll have no spleen.
We’ll play no one at shortstop.
Our system’s hit the wall.
And two more years of Beltran…
Who cannot throw the ball.

Six more years, Tanaka.
Already, looking frail.
And Prado for another two.
By then, we’ll own Chris Sale.
We punted in the bidding,
And so jettisoned Cano.
For two more years of Beltran…
Dear God, please let me go!

Our Father, up in heaven,
Where contracts loom so large,
Two hundred million buys a boat
That steers just like a barge.
We’re dead throughout the order,
A slugger? No, not one!
With two more years of Beltran…
God, wake me when it’s done.

Hart Seely is custodian and ticket taker at the always-entertaining Yankee blog, It is High, It is Far, It is … caught.

 

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