Red Sox Furor Over Bobby Valentine Candor
by Stephen Jones
How thin-skinned Red Sox players
Seemingly are off-stage
Dramatically running to defend
“Slighted” comrade Youkilis
It seems nothing in Boston functions
Without turmoil
And there’s no such thing as “just a blip”
On Boston’s radar
So what’s next in Bean . . . no
“Diva” Town?
Saddle up City of Boston
For a bumpy summer stage
2012 NL West Prediction Haiku
By Stuart Shea
ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
Over(bay) the Miles,
Young men climb Upton a Hill—
This poet’s a Putz
COLORADO ROCKIES
The prime of one’s life
Ends around 40 for all
But Jamie Moyer
LOS ANGELES DODGERS
It’s a Magic time!
Millionaires swap property
And the fans go wild
SAN DIEGO PADRES
Highly paid jocks in
Military uniforms?
A bullshit salute
SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS
The Posey’s a bloom
That needs strong roots around it
Not these flimsy sticks
The Cuban Misspeak Crisis
By Michael X. Ferraro
“Cheering the Beard” is such a thorny notion
It nearly got Ozzie chucked in the ocean.
Instead he crash-landed in water so hot
‘T’would turn a refugee raft ‘to a teapot.
Down in Miami, fidelity to Fidel
Earns one the stature of Eddie Gaedel.
So Guillen, he of cojones inflated,
Went way overboard and got Castro-ated!*
(* But while landing Hernandezes at the beach
Let’s try not to trample all over free speech.)
Michael X. Ferraro is a TV writer/producer and author of Numbelievable: The Dramatic Stories Behind the Most Memorable Numbers in Sports History and Tased & Amused: The Shocking Poetic Recap of the 2010 Baseball Season.
Of Sox and Biology
By Joyce Heiser
Like the time-honored herd made of turtle,
The White Sox see a race full of hurdle.
Sure, they’ve won by one run,
But rebuilding’s no fun,
Chelonian, they are, for certle.
2012 NL Central Prediction Haikus
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO CUBS
Behold the savior!
He slouches toward Wrigleyville
And shops at J. Crew.
CINCINNATI REDS
Scott’s Rolen along
At least as much as one “rolls”
On two rusty wheels.
HOUSTON ASTROS
In a great big barn
The inhabitants will smell…
25 heifers
MILWAUKEE BREWERS
The abdication
Means the Milwaukee lineup
Will welcome the Mat.
PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Pretty park, green grass,
Lovely statue, tasty beer,
Clint Barmes at short
ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Elders leave the grounds,
Leaving the young ones to play
The eternal game.
