Browse all poems and songs in the 'Management' Category


This is Just to Say, from the White Sox

by James Finn Garner

With apologies to William Carlos Williams

We have traded
Adam Dunn
who was clogging
the payroll

to the A’s
in a pennant race
for a bag
of rocks

Forgive us
he was ridiculous
so whiffable
and so old

 



The Yankee Contracts Poem

by Hart Seely

Three more years of A-Rod,
Each, twenty million-plus.
Three more years of C.C.,
Blown tires on the bus.
Six more years of Ellsb’ry,
Just where did we go wrong?
And two more years of Beltran…
I will not live that long.

Two more years, Teixeira,
McCann, until ’18.
Gardner through the following year,
By then, I’ll have no spleen.
We’ll play no one at shortstop.
Our system’s hit the wall.
And two more years of Beltran…
Who cannot throw the ball.

Six more years, Tanaka.
Already, looking frail.
And Prado for another two.
By then, we’ll own Chris Sale.
We punted in the bidding,
And so jettisoned Cano.
For two more years of Beltran…
Dear God, please let me go!

Our Father, up in heaven,
Where contracts loom so large,
Two hundred million buys a boat
That steers just like a barge.
We’re dead throughout the order,
A slugger? No, not one!
With two more years of Beltran…
God, wake me when it’s done.

Hart Seely is custodian and ticket taker at the always-entertaining Yankee blog, It is High, It is Far, It is … caught.

 



Tony Takes the Wheel

By Stuart Shea

Now that he’s leading the Diamondbacks,
Tony LaRussa had better make tracks.
Get rid of the manager, GM, and crew,
Blow up the caravan and start something new.

Bring in some analysts, give fans a shock,
Keep Phoenix from fielding a laughing stock.
(There’s already enough in AZ for comedy–
Sheriff Joe, desert sprawl, gated communities.)

Not that I’m suggesting anything rash,
But Kirk and Kevin belong in the trash.

 



“Now Stinking for the Phillies…”

By Stuart Shea

Darin Ruf ain’t got the stuff,
And Ryan Howard’s no longer powered.
Ben Revere has value unclear,
And there’s little regard fo’ Antonio Bastardo.
Pity Dominic Brown, whose average is down,
And Cody Asche, who is far from flashy.
Even Cliff Lee and Carlos Ruiz
Are suffering from the same disease.
So who’s the chiff of this team of stiffs?
Ruben Ameero, who seems like a zero.

 



Dead Tradeline in Kansas City

By Stuart Shea

The Royals don’t think that they’re winners,
The Royals don’t think they’re beginners.
They won’t buy and won’t sell,
Which may be just as well
If they want to remain others’ dinners.

 

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Copyright 2007 Bardball.