Browse all poems and songs in the 'Scandals' Category


Series Unction

by Stuart Shea

Everyone has theories
About why this World Series
Is packed with non-stop offense—

“The baseballs are slick
The pitchers can’t stick
Their nails into their surface.”

We know that these hitters
Don’t get the jitters
And can deal with sophisto defense—

They just loft the ball
Right over the wall
And make all the pitchers nerface.

 



Classroom (at a Bar)

by Stephen Jones

Question of relativity:
Which came first —
The player or the ball?

Question of old history:
When did the strike zone
Become a judgement call?

(Note: Question #1 was tabled,
As a “discussion” was started
about the merits of juice …
And Question #2 was stumbled
Over by be-spectacled
Umpires, and after boos.)

 



Non-Starters

by Hilary Bartra

First it’s Strasburg, then Roark, now guess who?
Was it weather, or mold, maybe flu?
Are the Nats a big mess?
Is it manager chess?
Are they pulling the old switcheroo?

 



Et Tu, Boog?

by James Finn Garner

Are modern baseballs really juiced?
Or are the players all strong like Moose
(Skowron)? Pure as a Babe (Ruth)
With no chems flowing in the sluice?

Hurlers have the (Vida) Blues
Wondering which pitch to use
But Ks are (Charlie) Spiking, too
Giving all their stats a Goose

(Gossage). So, is the baseball really Boof
(Bonser)? Is someone somewhere getting cues?
Whatever answer you may choose
We’re losing balls over the (Phil) Roof.

 



Horrible Things to See

by James Finn Garner

Salma Hayek with a broken nose
Kittens stuck in lava flows
Graffiti at the Alamo
Steve Bannon in seductive pose
Zombies chawing on my toes
Sarah Sanders’ underclothes
A schoolbus in an undertow

But worst of all

JV decked out for the ‘Stros.

 

AL East

NL East

Extra Innings

AL Central

NL Central

Poems by Type

AL West

NL West

Heavy Hitters

Copyright 2007 Bardball.