Browse all poems and songs in the 'Scandals' Category


Regular Season Post-Mortem, or a Toast to Stories Departed

By Stuart Shea

10 Teams Continue,
20 Teams Done.
Stories we have followed
Now consigned to history–
Into the pages of a book
That has been replaced by a web site.

Jose Abreu’s rookie season is over.
Corey Kluber’s ass-kicking year is over.
Phillip Hughes’ breakout is over.
Charlie Blackmon’s beard is over.
Kirk Gibson is VERY over.
But the damage done by Kevin Towers’ trades is just beginning.
Altuve’s wonderful year is over.
The Rangers’ long march of injuries is over…
But the Wash Era is also over.

Everth Cabrera’s honeymoon is over.
Marcus Stroman’s debut is over.
The painful Jay Bruce year is over.
Brock Holt Mania! is over.
Another King Felix masterwork is over.
Giancarlo’s monster season is over.
Jonathan Lucroy’s emergence is over.
The Braves’ painful swan dive is over.
Mesoraco’s breakout is over.
The struggles of Springer are over.
The weird Joe Mauer year is over.
Justin Smoak’s chance is over.
Another frustrating Rockies season is over.
The Chase Headley Padres are over.
The Papelbon crap is over,
But the Phillies’ country club continues.

The Frank Wren Era is over.
Colby Rasmus in Toronto is REALLY over.
Desmond Jennings’ honeymoon is over.
Heath Bell seems over.
The Cubs on WGN are over.
Bobby Abreu is over.
Josh Willingham is over.
Carlos Beltran sure looks over.
Can Kevin Gregg please be over?
Jason Giambi is finally over, right?
The 2013 World Champs are really over.
Is Ron Roenicke’s time over?
The Mets’ sexual harassment suit is NOT over.
Wrigley Field as we knew it is over.
Paul Konerko is over.
Derek Jeter is over.
20 Teams are over.



Pathetic Athletics

by Jim Siergey

I pity the fans of Oakland
Now known as the city of Chokeland
.    Those tumbling A’s
.    Are humbled and dazed
Time to chill out and just take a toke, man

 



Tommy John on the Mound

by Stephen Jones

If it were on New Year’s Day,
It’d be a parade of Shriners;
Instead, it’s big league play
And a procession of pitchers.

This is what I heard on TV
About the numbers “1″ and “3″:

Fully 1/3 – huge any season -
Of pitchers may need an operation.
That’s what actuaries did reason
After watching, so far, this season.

Mind you, future-projection
Is wide open for speculation.
But in truth, elbow wear-and-tear
For pitchers has gone up this year.

That’s just what I heard on TV
About the numbers “1″ and “3″.

Baseball is a game of calculation
And stats rule in the MLB.
Now, so does insurance, inflammation
And season-ending surgery.

“1/3” – it is part of an equation
Of which I would rather not see.

 



Some Things in Baseball Aren’t Timeless

by Stephen Jones

Back in baseball’s glory days
A plug or “chaw”
Stuffed in the back pocket
Was the norm.

In those summer salad days
Players in interviews
Or at their locker room ease
Smoked without a thought.

But time and culture changed;
Still, some habits – they die hard.
Stogie, wad and cigarette may have gone,
But not so the pinch between cheek and gum.

First this year, it was Tony Gwynn -
Remember the bulge in his rounded cheek
As regular as his steady swing? -
Who died because of that reason.

Now we hear Curt Schilling’s
Undergoing chemo and radiation,
But if all the reports are true,
His “Big C” is in remission.

In baseball some things
Are timeless -
Like a walk-off home run
Or a perfect double play.

But a bad, cruel habit
which shortens mortality?



Unctuous Aiken Poem

By Stuart Shea

Houston drafted a pitcher named Aiken
Then said he was damaged, though his elbow ain’t achin’.
No one agreed on appropriate bacon,
Makin’ non-achin’ Aiken’s a special deal-breakin’.

 

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Copyright 2007 Bardball.