Browse all poems and songs in the 'Scandals' Category


Tommy John on the Mound

by Stephen Jones

If it were on New Year’s Day,
It’d be a parade of Shriners;
Instead, it’s big league play
And a procession of pitchers.

This is what I heard on TV
About the numbers “1″ and “3″:

Fully 1/3 – huge any season -
Of pitchers may need an operation.
That’s what actuaries did reason
After watching, so far, this season.

Mind you, future-projection
Is wide open for speculation.
But in truth, elbow wear-and-tear
For pitchers has gone up this year.

That’s just what I heard on TV
About the numbers “1″ and “3″.

Baseball is a game of calculation
And stats rule in the MLB.
Now, so does insurance, inflammation
And season-ending surgery.

“1/3” – it is part of an equation
Of which I would rather not see.

 



Some Things in Baseball Aren’t Timeless

by Stephen Jones

Back in baseball’s glory days
A plug or “chaw”
Stuffed in the back pocket
Was the norm.

In those summer salad days
Players in interviews
Or at their locker room ease
Smoked without a thought.

But time and culture changed;
Still, some habits – they die hard.
Stogie, wad and cigarette may have gone,
But not so the pinch between cheek and gum.

First this year, it was Tony Gwynn -
Remember the bulge in his rounded cheek
As regular as his steady swing? -
Who died because of that reason.

Now we hear Curt Schilling’s
Undergoing chemo and radiation,
But if all the reports are true,
His “Big C” is in remission.

In baseball some things
Are timeless -
Like a walk-off home run
Or a perfect double play.

But a bad, cruel habit
which shortens mortality?



Unctuous Aiken Poem

By Stuart Shea

Houston drafted a pitcher named Aiken
Then said he was damaged, though his elbow ain’t achin’.
No one agreed on appropriate bacon,
Makin’ non-achin’ Aiken’s a special deal-breakin’.

 



“Joyce & Gallarraga” by Dan Bern and Common Rotation

Recorded at the Baseball Hall of Fame, July 4, 2012



Clown Question, Bro

By Stuart Shea

“Does Bryce Harper hustle?”
For what is this bustle?
Why are he and his manager in such a tussle?

“Does Bryce Harper hustle?”
Is he a Jack Russell?
Or is Matt Williams’ brainpan made solely of muscle?

 

Stu’s new book, Wrigley Field: The Long Life and Contentious Times of the Friendly Confines, is available now.  Buy it today!

 

AL East

NL East

Extra Innings

AL Central

NL Central

Poems by Type

AL West

NL West

Heavy Hitters

Copyright 2007 Bardball.