Browse all poems and songs in the 'Scandals' Category


Sgt. Pepper’s 2015 Forecast: Intro

by Stuart Shea

It was 17 years ago today
The home run chase seemed to save the day
But the numbers weren’t what they seemed
Neither Sosa nor McGwire were clean

Here’s regime change for you (if anybody really cares)
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew!

(skin flute solos)

We’re Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew
Now come and pee into this cup
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew
Our game is on the up-and-up

Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling
Sgt. Manfred’s Smiling Drug-Test Crew

It’s wonderful to be clean
It gives us such a thrill
To know we’ve purged the game of drugs
Except, of course, for adderall
And liquor pays our bills!

I don’t really want to stop the game
But I’d like to make a little claim
What will happen, can you deduce,
When they legalize a “drug of abuse”?

Have you thought about what that will mean
When 300 million folks ain’t “clean”
Like Sgt. Manfred’s smiling Drug-Test crew?

 

 



Piggly Wrigley

by Hilary Barta

Running late and still under construction
That’s the state of the Cubs’ run production
Plus the seats the bums prize
Though defeat’s no surprise
Their team’s great — but at blunder and suction.

 



Designated Visitors

by Jim Siergey

Construction at Wrigley’s a mess
Completion by June is best guess
Should league take a stand,
Have Cubs’ home be banned
And make them perennial guests?

For our readers out in the sticks, here’s some background.

 



Game 1 – The World Series

by Stephen Jones

The KC Royals got drubbed at home.
Seems the umpire wouldn’t give’em a bone.
Strikes became balls or, as they say,
A quarter of the plate was taken away.
Game 1 of the Series is now history,
But that’s what they’re arguing in KC.

 



Your Daily Affirmation, from Brad Ausmus

by James Finn Garner

Don’t be glum
Don’t ask why
Albuquerque’s just a 6th inning guy

Don’t you fret
Don’t you worry
After the 7th, we’ll turn to Soria

Don’t lose hope
Just have faith — when
It’s down to one inning, we’ll bring in Nathan

No matter where
Or what or when,
I’m skipper, and would do it all again.

 

AL East

NL East

Extra Innings

AL Central

NL Central

Poems by Type

AL West

NL West

Heavy Hitters

Copyright 2007 Bardball.