Ned Yost, Done Like Rump Roast
by James Finn Garner
Milwaukee’s head honcho Ned Yost
Led his teams to October–almost.
When CC Sabathia
Didn’t prove a pa-NA-cea,
Ned’s career with the Brewers was toast.
Posted 9/16/08
Three Fates and Yer Out!
By James Finn Garner
As ten decades of failure concluded
(The odds against which—mighty steep!),
The Three Fates sat in the Wrigley bleachers,
One last great appointment to keep.
There Clotho with distant expression
Spun thread from her distaff with ease,
The flaxen content of life in her hands,
Her scorecard spread over her knees.
Her sister Lachesis sat by her
To measure each thread to its length,
Her face a smear of SPF 50
As the sun beat down in its strength.
Lastly, Atropos, peddler of doom,
Whose shears sever man’s vital thread,
Was letting the line pile up at her feet
And glassily staring ahead.
What could cause the Fates’ dereliction,
Prolonging the Cubs’ misery?
What forces conspire to cruelly delay
The end of this sad century?
Beside the gals sat die-hard Bacchus,
With grapes twined in his Cubs visor.
“You can’t leave now—we can still score some runs!
Hey Beer Man—bring four more Budweisers!”
Posted 9/12/08
Gary Sheffield’s Arms Too Short to Box with God
By James Finn Garner
I can be in the outfield and play every day.
I don’t want to DH.
I don’t feel like a baseball player
when I DH.
I don’t know how to be a leader that I am
from the bench.
I can’t be a vocal leader.
I can’t talk to guys from the bench
because
I don’t feel right about it.
A voice whispers, But you agreed to come to the Tigers knowing you would DH.
I
understood that,
but in my mind
I’m not going to
accept that.
That’s my role,
but I don’t have to
accept it
or
like it.
Taken from quotes in a Boston Globe interview, 8/11/08
Posted 8/25/08
