by Stephen Jones
I do coagulate and
Bring the Dark Knight to his knee.
I am the “Bladder Demon”
When Harvey forgets to pee.
Still Amazin’, for Different Reasons
By James Finn Garner
Introducing this year’s New York Mets!
Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets
On whether they’ll rue not keeping Cespedes
And whether Matt Harvey will remember to piss.
Green Grass
by James Finn Garner
The reason I haven’t
Followed spring training
Or read the predictions
is clear to me now
I wanted to keep this new season
Fresh and whole
And safe from
Everything else now
The new normal
Reflexive shootings
Tactical hate-spit
Boorish provoking
Gleeful aggrieved cruelty
The killing of innocents
Regrettable acts by desperate people
The pull toward chaos
I wanted to keep the great game
Under a glass dome
At least for a while
For more grass to grow
Lush green grass to get through the summer
Upside My Head
by the Village Elliott
For Joe Garagiola (1926-2016)
In today’s paper, oh boy, I read
News that hit me right upside my head.
This one really got me,
Illustrates perfectly
That you don’t get no older than Dead.
When the Great Scorekeeper called Joe’s “Last Out”,
I thought Joe was no longer about.
Immigrant’s son made team:
“The American Dream”
His life fully lived, I’ve no doubt.
Yogi’s Dago Hill childhood friend, Joe,
First of three lost this week’s TV show:
Garry Shandling passed on–
Like Larry Sanders, gone–
Now lost light’s dimmed the White Shadow.
Velour, Sideburns and Johnny Bench
by James Finn Garner
Per ’70s star Johnny Bench:
Bryce Harper makes my fists clench.
Bat-flipping is naught but a stench.
Batters guilty best stand in a trench
Lest chin music make their necks wrench
And cause the game’s great fans to blench.
To be “old school”, he said, makes a mensch,
Then belched and goosed his serving wench.