Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
With apologies to Ernest Lawrence Thayer
On the North side and the South side, the sun is shining bright;
“Go, Cubs, Go” and “Na na na na” are heard both day and night;
Both Yuppies and construction guys are given cause to shout;
Yes, there’s joy in two Chicagos — winning baseball’s the new “clout”.
With apologies to Bob Dylan
“There must be some way out of here,”
Said Girardi to himself,
“The pitching’s all gone south –
I can’t get no relief.
Red Sox, they drink the wine,
While Bombers dig the earth.
And none of this is fine,
But my pitching . . . what’s it worth?”
If Mad Bum, John, Jeff stay on fire,
Bullpen does the job Jints require,
Brandons Crawford and Belt,
Posey, Pence earn their gelt,
Team’s poised for long race to the wire.
First place team’s looking good in the field,
But if mid-summer, those dinged ain’t healed,
They’ll have to acquire
Those whom they require
To plug any leaks Giants need sealed.
“Rabbit Ears,” the fans all say . . .
“Rabbit Ears,” stick to the play!
Don’t chase after players; don’t be dumb,
Don’t look for a reason to use your thumb
Don’t be so sensitive to criticism,
Even if your work is seen through a prism
That blows up each and every mistake
That a home plate umpire seems to make.
Otherwise, plate umpires soon may be
As useful as rabbit ears on a TV.
Arrieta keeps throwing the heat
Talking heads say they know he’s a cheat
“Jake has got to be juiced.”
“Guys this hot get a boost.”
They’ll be fed, and it’s crow they will eat.
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