by James Finn Garner
Are modern baseballs really juiced?
Or are the players all strong like Moose
(Skowron)? Pure as a Babe (Ruth)
With no chems flowing in the sluice?
Hurlers have the (Vida) Blues
Wondering which pitch to use
But Ks are (Charlie) Spiking, too
Giving all their stats a Goose
(Gossage). So, is the baseball really Boof
(Bonser)? Is someone somewhere getting cues?
Whatever answer you may choose
We’re losing balls over the (Phil) Roof.