Fantasy’s Baseball: Frank Frazetta

by Hilary Barta

He’d brutally batter his foes
And aim at their heads with his throws.
On top of the pile,
He’d savagely smile,
Then strike a familiar pose.

King of fantasy illustrators Frank Frazetta (1928-2010) was known for work on Conan the Barbarian and the covers of Molly Hatchet albums.  Most people don’t know he was also talented enough to attract attention as a baseball player. On the Frazetta Art Gallery web site, his baseball almost-career is discussed:

Through his teens, he continued drawing and painting, however he began to slack off due to his discovery of girls and baseball. In school he set several high school records, and eventually caught the attention of a scout for the New York Giants professional baseball team. Frank was offered a position on their farm squad with a good prospect of moving up to the major league within a season, but he turned them down. ” I was involved with a girl at the time,” Frazetta says a little sorrowfully. “And going down to Texas and sweating it out in the minors for a year didn’t seem very appealing. You have to remember that at that time athletes weren’t making the money they do today. They bussed you back and forth and it was just a big disgusting hassle. I remember that traveling to another state seemed like going to the end of the world, so I told them, maybe next year. Time went by and before I knew it I was too old. It was just my way of letting time make the decision for me. If I have any regrets it’s that I didn’t turn pro. If I was in my twenties and had it to do over – today, at today’s salaries – you better bet I’d do it.”

Posted 9/19/10

Nighty-Night, White Sox

by James Finn Garner

Now we lay us down to sleep.
Who really thought that we could sweep?

We thought we had a chance at Central,
If Ozzie kept from going mental.

God, forgive us of our sins
And tell us why you made the Twins.

Tell us why we let go Thome,
Then brought in that dreadlocked phony.

Thank you for our newfound heroes,
For Edwin Jackson, Alex Rios,

Thank you for our older guard,
Thanks for Paulie going yard.

Please keep the squad from getting creaky.
Make sure A.J. keeps playing sneaky.

Now we’ll watch the Hawks and Bears,
Trying to ignore our fears

Of Kenny really signing Manny
And Ozzie going to Miami.

 

A Hot Dog

by Stephen Jones

Baseball baseball . . .
& who cares for wieners?

Mustard relish & steamed bun
In hand like on-going history

A snap! when bit
As play is done

(Best part of the “dog”)

Six Hundred Saves

by Doug Fahrendorff

It took longer than expected
Not surprising
Most things worthwhile do
April and May
Blown saves
No longer
The bellwether of the bullpen
Closer role lost
No excuses offered
Baseball a performance-driven job
He says
Finally against the Cardinals
A groundball to short
Secures save number six hundred
Fans and teammates ecstatic
Proof good guys really can finish first
Let’s hear “Hells Bells”one more time
Thanks, Trevor

The Damnation of Fausto

by James Finn Garner

Have the Twins sold their soul to the devil?
Have they penned a new contract in blood?
Has their lust for a title bereft them
Of a compass to tell bad from good?

What else can explain their performance?
Half the team’s on the disabled list,
while rooks amble up from the minors
Like Joe Jackson in a cornfield mist.

Thome’s swing has shrugged off a decade,
And Pavano now hurls like an ace.
Something’s hinky, you know, with these Twinkies.
Have the precepts of God been replaced?

Yet one sable evening in Cleveland
Came the devil’s own agent, Fausto.
For their pride he pulled ’em back to the pit.
Ol’ Nick will be paid what he’s owed.

Posted 9/14/10