Tommy John
by Stephen Jones
An appendix in a forearm
A tendon described as “extra”
Is now elsewhere used
And is amazing surgery
A year’s worth of recovery
Required – and now the mind
Has to trust to relearn
The arm still has magic
The Legacy of Bud Selig
by James Finn Garner
Tons of money for the owners.
Ignorance of player-dopers.
More exploitative contract bids
For dirt-poor Caribbean kids.
A baseball classic for the world
Where U.S. players rarely hurled.
With anti-trust still holding fast,
Small-market teams still finish last.
Now, Milwaukee celebrates this schwanz
With a Selig statue cast in bronze.
Posted 8/30/10
The Mark McGwire Limericks of Shame
by James Finn Garner
So the news comes that Mark McGwire
On the subject of juice was a liar.
Plus, it’s a good bet
That water is wet
And it hurts to grab something on fire.
“I’m not here to talk ’bout the past,”
Mark blurted to Congress so fast,
Whatever the pride
He had that day died
To give a defense so half-assed.
To get a job working for Tony,
Mark had to confess his baloney.
He was juiced to the ears
Those homer-soaked years,
A fame-drunk, preposterous phony.
To get in the Cooperstown Hall,
McGwire will wait for his call
Til Hell freezes over,
The sea swallows Dover,
And Sammy parleys like Bill Engvall.
Posted 8/29/10
Something Short of Grandish
by Hart Seely
All-star person.
Standup guy.
Ask for effort,
He shall try.
Fine on defense,
Solid mitt.
Can’t hit lefties.
Not one whit.
Sterling fellow.
Never slacks.
Teammate pals,
He’s got their backs.
Plays the outfield,
With aplomb.
Can’t hit lefties.
What a bum.