Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
1B Candy LaChance
2B Pumpkinsie Green
SS Sandy Malomar
3B Chris Spooker
LF Mummy Ramirez
CF Trik Speaker
RF Vlampire Guerrero
C Earl Battey
LHP Randy Wolfman, Baby Ruth
RHP Trevor BOOOOer, Black Catfish Hunter, Ricky Bones
MGR Treat Speaker
Freeman in spotlight
10th inning walk-off grand slam
Hollywood ending
Baseball is the hurrah game of the republic!
That’s beautiful: the hurrah game!
well—it’s our game:
that’s the chief fact in connection with it:
America’s game:
has the snap, go, fling, of the American atmosphere
belongs as much to our institutions,
fits into them as significantly,
as our constitutions, laws:
is just as important
in the sum total of our historic life.
As savvy statheads will avow,
To one certainty we all must bow:
No team can pocket World Series bank
With 3 or more ex-Cubs in its ranks.
It’s analytics, not cant or mystery,
Proven throughout baseball history.
The prudent Dodgers, reviewing facts,
In August Jason Heyward axed.
Making a close Series even tighter,
The Yankees will field Mark Leiter,
Rizzo, Stroman and LeMahieu–
A daring display of bad juju.
With four ex-Cubbies on their squad,
Gotham thumbs its nose at the baseball gods.
Such hubris likely will not stand.
The crown will return to La-La Land.
For more on this baseball rule, which has proven correct in 1979 and 1981, check out this article by the writer who coined the phrase, Ron Berler.
Vin on El Toro:
“If you have a sombrero,
Throw it to the sky!”
Broadcast by Vin Scully on Fernando Valenzuela’s no-hitter, June 29, 1990
