Mister Cub’s Autograph

by Sid Yiddish

Middle of the eighth,
Dad’s hands are wet, but not from sweat
He’s just returned from the toilet near the souvenir stand in the middle of the inside of Wrigley Field, with a wet scorecard and he says, “Guess who I met in the bathroom, son? Your hero, Ernie Banks!”

Me, eyes wide open, gulping breath and asking, “Really?”

Sure enough, Dad shows me the program with Ernie Bank’s signature, that looks a little like Dad’s own handwriting, but then again as a young boy aged seven-and-a-half in that late summer of 1969 when the Chicago Cubs were in first place, you wouldn’t seem to have cared where it came from, just as long as you could impress your playmates that you lucked out in getting Mister Cub’s autograph and you’d be the envy of every kid on the block.

As the years passed and I grew up, Dad’s story changed again and again; different inning and different Wrigley Field bathroom locale, but always Mister Cub’s autograph was there

Never lie to a child, I’ve heard some say, but my Dad did, so do I blame him that he wanted to please me, after I got crushed in the great onslaught of autograph seekers near the Cubs dugout and came back to the box seats with the saddest of faces?

Yes, I do.

He could have at least stuck to the same story.

Posted 10/1/07. 

Ballpark Food

by Todd Pheifer

What’s wrong with these vendors
Loudly hawking their wares?
An arm and a leg for a beer,
And nobody cares!

Of course I can hold off,
But my kids are entranced
With the cotton candy man
Weaving sugary romance.

He comes down the row,
Waving food at eye level.
Away from us, man!
Your food is the devil!

We’ve brought our own, thanks,
Smuggled in Mom’s big pack,
Peanuts and popcorn
And goodies for snacks.

So enjoy the ballpark
And the shifting strike zone,
But if you want to eat there,
Better take out a loan.

Posted 9/28/07 

What to Feel About Rick Ankiel?

by James Finn Garner

Need a sad story? Check out Rick Ankiel,
Whose August exploits made Redbird fans feel
Like jumping for joy. Years past, after Rick’s

Stint as a St Louis hurler had passed,
He traded the mound for some outfield grass.
He leaped and he ran, and when swinging his stick,

He rang up the runs like a pinball machine.
Now there’s suspicion he’s not playing clean.
His once-mighty bat is now a limp wick.

While there’s no proof yet Rick took hGH,
The mess helped derail the Cards’ pennant stretch,
And this feel-good story now makes you feel sick.

Posted 9/25/07

Three Cubs Limericks

by Tim McClure

The Cubs are in a bit of a slump.
Ninety-nine years is a big hump.

Fans want them to win,
And drinking they’ve been,

Waiting in bleachers like chumps.

When the Cubs lose I get mad,
All of my family is sad,

I kick things around,
My mind is not sound,

And life is generally bad.

I so hate it when the Cubs do lose,
And watching, I still do choose.

Forty-year-old sap,
What a load of crap,

I’m just deranged with no clues.

Posted 9/24/07