Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
There is no clock.
The games could last forever,
Even as September suns sink sooner every day.
This is suspended-animation baseball time.
If a team is 30 out, and nobody watches,
Did the game even happen?
Maybe only in your mind,
But this is the best place for a baseball game anyway.
Cups of coffee and last gasps,
Careers come and go in a flash,
Before the eyes of the true devotees,
Miles from a pennant race.
.
Originally posted 9/28/2009
Nellie started with the Mets, but never raised the roof.
Some said he had power, but he never showed much proof.
Next, Nellie played for Oakland, but he couldn’t get a chance.
Nellie went up north, but Milwaukee didn’t dance.
So Nellie went to Dallas, and did well in Triple-A,
And showed that he could hit enough to hang around and play!
Five years in Seattle, and one more with the Birds,
A six-time All-Star, a homer crown, biceps too strong for words.
Now he’s simply Boomstick, a respected veteran bat,
And the Twins are happy with that.
You may think you’ve traded me,
For some prospect at Pulaski,
But call my agent–he knows laws.
I have myself a no-trade clause!
I will not go to this new town,
I will not go by air or ground!
You should have asked before you dealt,
Before you tried to swap my pelt,
If I would play for Greeber City,
Feembertown,
Or Veedenvelt.
The boy
Held a passel of baseball cards
Dating from before his birth
(His time on earth
Not even a thought)
With joy
Farewell, Torii,
Always a good story . . .
With your amazing catches,
Your religious dispatches,
Your homers and doubles,
Your OBP troubles.
You don’t like gay marriage,
But you don’t have to get one,
And I hope you enjoy the rest of your life,
With your kids and your wife.