Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Furbush?
Pujols?
Fister?
Head?
I was watching a game
But got Penthouse instead.
A Chatwood? A Dinkelman? They’re not reassuring–
they both sound painful,
though perhaps alluring.
It’s just like the old days, when we’d annoonce
That the Sox had a player named Rusty Kuntz.
ASTROS
An Appel a day
Would keep the losses away
But he’s not yet ripe.
ANGELS
Ask A. Moreno–
Trout fishing in Cali
Can be expensive.
ATHLETICS
Free and well-favored,
No-names and others’ castoffs
Find their own success.
MARINERS
East coast import
Finds rain not to his liking
Even under roof.
RANGERS
Wash likes sac bunting.
His fellow skippers are glad
To accept the out.
WHITE SOX
Can the Sox play tough?
White indicates purity…
Are dirty suits allowed?
INDIANS
If only Swisher
Struck out more often…but then,
Truth ain’t poetry.
TIGERS
The old roar is gone…
No more sneaking cigarettes.
It’s a young man’s turn.
ROYALS
It is difficult
To keep from strangling youth with
High expectations.
TWINS
Mauer ain’t sour,
He’s heretofore banished from
Those bad Twins hurlers.
BLUE JAYS
Like other Canucks,
Jays fly south to Florida
But must return soon.
ORIOLES
“Is his knee healed up?”
What about the pitching? The–
“Is his knee healed up?”
RAYS
Wil Myers lead off?
Wil he be a new Joe D?
Wil success spoil him?
RED SOX
A bee swarm hovers,
Scaring off the ballplayers.
Nature owns nature.
YANKEES
The old men dream on,
Echoes of glory cascade
In crisp March sunshine.
DIAMONDBACKS
Now, the big question:
Will Trumbo survive the fall
From an angel to snake?
DODGERS
Possessing billions
Does not mean that a person
Knows what they’re doing.
GIANTS
The Freak must now prove
That he can effectively
Re-get his Freak on.
PADRES
Who will hang a star
On future great Padres plays
Now that Jerry’s gone?
ROCKIES
Will the Car Go boom?
Will Tulo’s stats be too low?
Will anyone care?