Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
BREWERS
Forecast for ’14?
Lots of Braun but little brain.
Enjoy fourth place, guys.
CARDINALS
Yadier Molina—
Buster Posey before the
new Buster Posey.
CUBS
Huh. “Wait til next year”
From a franchise managed by
Weekly profit/loss.
PIRATES
There’s one more Hurdle:
Convert iron not to steel
But to a trophy.
REDS
Time for a Price change—
It was getting Dusty there.
Maybe they’ll win now.
BRAVES
Upton up and down?
Uggla ugly or upward?
Freddie a Free Man?
MARLINS
Now that everyone
Has left the stadium, the
Rebuild can begin.
METS
A farewell to arms—
No Harvey, no Mejia?
And one fat Colon.
NATIONALS
Welcome, Matt Williams!
Now that you’re here, it’s assumed
You’ll win right away.
PHILLIES
Old men, broken down,
Troll the green fields of the town,
Searching for what’s gone.
The days of cool sun have drawn in,
With the regrets of how a fool spends his time
Crunchy leaves now, grey on the way.
And now, just when I need the light,
The game closes up
For the season
Until that day when the snow
Is, unimaginably, miraculously, melting into the ground.
When they’re still playing ball
But your team has gone home,
A part of you just wants
The winter to come.
The Cardinals’ pitcher is Wacha,
Wacha Wacha Wacha–
And he ain’t only talk-a,
Talka talka talka.
Ain’t gonna commit no balk-a,
Balka balka balka,
Ain’t gonna pull no rock-a,
Rocka rocka rocka.