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North Side Had Wood (This Fan Has Flown)

By Stuart Shea

I once had a team,
Or should I say,
It once had me.

And though they played bad,
Their park appealed–
Wrig-uh-ly Field.

I sat through Jim Kremmel, Chuck Rainey, and Wayne Nordhagen–
Mike Vail and Karl Pagel were touted as saviors back then.

Sat terrace reserved,
Bleachers and box,
Never threw rocks.

And when they played well,
I cheered loud,
Part of the crowd.

But 2003 was so bitter that I had to leave,
And since then they’ve given no reasons that I ought to grieve.

I still love the game,
If somebody plays, I
Watch every day.

But root for the Cubs?
That’s in the can.
No longer a fan.

 

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The Very Dry Shampoo

By Stu Shea

Open bottle in April. Pour newly purchased veteran into lineup.
Work veteran into lineup, massaging egos to improve performance.
Veteran will work silently to maintain quality of lineup.
In late summer, rinse veteran from lineup.
Condition lineup with youngsters. Wait several years.
Repeat cycle until no longer necessary.

 

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Ranking the Rank

By Stuart Shea

He’s not as bad as the Black Sox,
Is A-Rod, no matter the spin.
He may be a fool, a doper, a jag,
But at least he was trying to win.

 

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The Biogenesis All-Star Squad

By Stuart Shea

Bartolo Colon,
Big and round,
Is on the mound.

Francisco Cervelli,
A-Rod’s teammate,
Is behind the plate.

Jesus Montero
Will suit up at first,
Though his bat is the worst.

Jhonny Peralta
Has a bat to be reckoned,
And we’ll move him to second.

To play at short,
The Padres’ rara,
Everth Cabrera.

At third base, of course,
With broken-down bod,
A-Rod.

Fernando Martinez
Is playing left field,
With a .240 yield.

Melky Cabrera
Will hold down center–
He’s just a renter.

Nelson Cruz
Is out there in right…
At least for tonight.

 

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Wrigleyville Triplet

By Stuart Shea

Tom Ricketts is changing the game
And Wrigley will not be the same.
.      For what sits in his tank?
.      The keys to the bank!
Someday, the park may bear his name.

A Wrigleyville pol named Tom Tunney
Depends on the campaigning money
.      From the owners of land
.      Who he must understand–
So he tries to make night games turn sunny.

Chicago has only one boss,
And it’s not hard to make the man cross.
.      Through his bullies and shills,
.      He will get what he wills–
In each case, a win with no loss.