Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
(With apologies to Wallace Stevens)
Would the Cubs be good
Without Travis Wood?
(What the hell are you talking about?
They’re still 14 games out.)
J.J. Hardy
Is often tardy,
Which you can plainly see
From his OBP of .293.
Perhaps it is silly
To cite Jason Grilli
As a reason for the Bucs’ success.
But without him, it’d be a mess.
The Pods will have a scare-a
If Everth Cabrera
Is suspended as rumored–
Bud will be Black-humored.
A-Gon said to Yasiel Puig,
“Go to the game! You’ll be glad you did.
You can have fun and hang with the guys,
And I’ll spend time with my wife and kid.”
The Cubs’ bullpen is toast;
It can’t preserve, just fade.
Now when they’re in a jam,
They’ll have no Marmol aid.
If Bud Selig were alive todays
He’d take some action on the Oakland A’s.
They want to move down south a ways
To escape the Giants’ hold on the Bay.
So why not let the Athletics go,
And draw the well-heeled from Palo Alto?
It’s not as if O.Co is more than so-so,
And they’d love gold and green down in Los Gatos.
Sure, I wish they didn’t take drugs
To reach the heights they do.
Yes, I wish that we could go back
And not know the stuff we do.
Of course, it’s not the game we played
Upon the fields of youth…
But no one would pay to watch us play,
And that’s the honest truth.