Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
BRAVES
Georgia is the world’s
Top pecan supplier. Plus
Andrelton Simmons
MARLINS
Why is a fish tank
So fascinating to watch?
Billion-dollar chum.
METS
No, it’s not a joke!
Cowgill and Valdespin are
In center field now
NATIONALS
Unnatural arm,
Unbelieveable results–
Can Strasburg stay fit?
PHILLIES
The old and infirm
Are the last to know that they
Are old and infirm
HOUSTON
Welcome to the league!
You youngsters enjoy yourselves
As you lose each day
LOS ANGELES
Trout Fishing in spring…
Or Prince Albert in a can?
Is Ryan Mad, son?
OAKLAND
Bartolo Colon
Is still suspended. So…more
food in the clubhouse?
SEATTLE
Raul Ibanez
Played for Seattle during
Bill Clinton’s first term
TEXAS
Replacing Josh H.
With Martin and Gentry? That’s
Carob for dessert
CHICAGO
No Sale, no pennant?
Can Beckham bend it foreward?
Is Konerko Dunn?
CLEVELAND
Re-seeding is hard.
Big contracts are easier.
80-82.
DETROIT
No closer, no stress?
Just win every game by five!
(Time for a Zantac.)
KANSAS CITY
The Wil to win “soon”
Has been supplanted by the
Will to win today.
MINNESOTA
Ten thousand lakes teem
With tears from ticket-holding
Twin fan Targetees.
BALTIMORE
The Orioles soared…
Does anyone believe they
Can fly high again?
BOSTON
With no Valentine,
Can the Olde Towne Team win back
Bleeding Boston hearts?
NEW YORK
Old Yankee soldiers
May not die, but do tend to
End up disabled
TAMPA BAY
Rays fans hold out hope
That good pitching can make up
For that weird infield
TORONTO
When blue jays make noise
It signals that something is
Wrong in the forest
The ‘Jints needed some starting arm to go long
So Bruce Bochy sang out a sweet Vogelsong.
To go east while trailing 2-0 would be wrong,
So S.F. was glad to have Ryan Vogelsong.
Pence gives talks, Wilson’s beard’s like King Kong,
But Monday the star was one R. Vogelsong.
Working the fastball in/out like ping-pong,
Control and command were the sweet Vogelsong.
He hit and he pitched and he rang SL’s gong,
The 35-year-old ex-Buc R. Vogelsong.
If San Fran continues to play hard and strong,
They’ll owe it so much to that old Vogelsong.
Short of running down Castro in naught but a thong,
He did it all Monday, did R. Vogelsong.