Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Old Roger’s back on the hill,
Tryin’ to prove somethin’ to someone,
Mowin’ down hitters half his age,
Givin’ the AARP quite a thrill.
Old Roger’s campaign’s not done,
He’ll keep tryin’ to clear his name,
Hoping his Hall of Fame ticket is punched,
As he rides off into the sun.
I wonder if Roger is scared
Of knowing how little it means.
He’s no more than a coddled cheat,
And it’s been a long time since we cared.
Melky built a website and he tried to wipe his hands.
Melky’s gonna hear it from the stands.
Melky’s been suspended and his name is in the mud.
Melky signed a contract with his blood.
Bobby V,
You’re killin’ me!
The Red Sox founder
In August flounder,
And Bobby V,
You’re so angry.
You bait the umps,
You say they’re chumps.
The Red Sox sink,
The rotation stinks,
And Bobby V,
It’s kind of funny.
Isn’t it enough that he can hit a ball to hell?
Does he have to take away others’ home run balls as well?
Yes, he plays the outfield and runs like Joe D.–
What bait does one use to land such as he?
When you talk of the Pirates,
What gives them their charm?
Their .200-hitting shortstop named Barmes?
You’d think the trade deadline
Would cause some alarms
For a .200-hitting shortstop named Barmes.
But the Bucs got more pitching!
“You always need arms
With a .200-hitting shortstop named Barmes.”
There’s no one on the bench
And no one on the farm
No one else to play shortstop–
No one with an arm
Nobody in training
No one even warm
But their .200-hitting shortstop named Barmes.