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Yorman’s Back!

By Stuart Shea

They couldn’t keep him down!
He’s back for another round.
The guy with the funny name
Has another chance at fame.

Make sure to fill out a brand new dance card-o!
Last night saw the return of Yorman Bazardo!

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Game Update!  by James Finn Garner

In his debut with the Astros — “Howdy there, Pard-o!” —
Yorman left the Fish battered and scarred-o
(Though with 10 hits, they might have starred-o).
Our young stud of his dignity keeps a shard-o.
When the ‘Stros play the Phils next, wherever the yard-o,
Yorman will hoist those Phools on their own petard-o!

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Posted 8/20/2009

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Pirate S#&@

by Stu Shea

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Freddie and Jack play for Pittsburgh,
Losers for many a year,
It’s not hard to see
That this century
Local fans want a winner to cheer.

The Pirate ship’s listing and lurching,
Taking on water and flies.
Nobody’s good
And it’s understood
That “untouchable” doesn’t apply.

Freddie and Jack want new contracts.
Fred can’t play second at all.
Jack cannot hit,
And the team’s for s#&@,
These guys ain’t en route to The Hall.

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Posted 8/18/2009

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No Matter How Good

by Stu Shea

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No matter how good
Or no matter how much,
We all know that know A-Rod can’t hit in the clutch.

Ignore how he’s gotten
The Yanks out of dutch.
The guys say that A-Rod can’t hit in the clutch.

They’ll wave their statistics
And say such and such,
But we know that A-Rod can’t hit in the clutch.

The radio told us,
And they’ve got the touch.
That’s how we know he can’t hit in the clutch.

All those smart guys can go back
And hide in their hutch.
‘Cause I say that A-Rod can’t hit in the clutch.

Obama is Kenyan!
Health care’s a crutch!
And I know that A-Rod can’t hit in the clutch!

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Stu’s new book, Pink Floyd FAQ, containing everything you’ve ever wanted to know about Pink Floyd, is out now.  Buy it in bookstores or on the web.  Do it.  Now.

Posted 8/10/2009

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Twin Killing

By Stuart Shea

When they finally knock down the Metrodome,
And the Twins move to their new outdoor home,
Will fielders lose balls in the sun and goof,
The way they did in the Teflon roof?

Published 7/22/09

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Making the Call

By Stuart Shea

Is it worse when an umpire blows a call
Or when a player–in righteous anger–makes a mockery of it all?

It’s hard to support bad umpiring work
But who wants to watch some player act like a jerk?

Why don’t we even it out.
Let’s increase fan applause-o.
Let’s make umpiring-baiting legal
And let plate umpires call batters out like Enrico Palazzo!

Published 7/20/09