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A Twins Fan Meditates on the ’09 Twins-Yanks Season Series

By Kevin Hennessy

Four-game sweep at New Yankee Stadium
With two less walkoffs, we could have took two of ‘em;
Then swept three games at home in the dome
Maybe next year outside we might manage to win one.

A-Rod, Jeter, Teixiera, Cano
They all make it tough, no denying, I know.
But Cabrera, Gardner, Cervelli, and Coke–
Are these really Yankees, or regular blokes?

Gardenhire insists
There’s no mental angle,
But if that truly is so
Couldn’t one win be finagled?

Perhaps those Bronx Bombers inspire intimidation
And Mauer and Morneau alone can’t deny them
Losing all seven certainly wasn’t too great
But at least we can be grateful we aren’t playing eight.

Published 7/12/09

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Ode to a Large Prince

By Stuart Shea

Prince Fielder,
Prince Fielder,
I think that you’re cool.

If you did a jackknife,
You’d empty the pool.

Published 7/8/09

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We Know the Score

By Stuart Shea

I beg of you,
Please don’t say that in his last nine at-bats he’s hitting .222.

Please don’t mention a two-game win streak,
Or how many homers he hit in one week
Or other meaningless stats
Like his career record in four games against the Rays,
Or his ERA on Wednesdays.

Even those of us without degrees in statistics
Can tell when “conclusions” are not realistic.

Between announcers making mountains of data molehills
And old-time players saying on-base percentage isn’t very important
Because walks clog the bases
Or being patient is wimpy
And waiting for walks erodes a hitter’s skills,
It’s enough to make you want to SCREAM
And grab the remote

And turn off Jamie Campbell, Thom Brennaman, or Rory Markas
And ponder the end of the world in darkness.

.

Posted 6/30/2009

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Truth Endures

By Stuart Shea

Seasons come and go.
Shadows cross the land.
But in the passing parade of humanity,
One thing will always go as planned:
Adam Dunn will miss the cutoff man.

.

Posted 6/22/2009

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Near Cutdown Day

By Stuart Shea

Whatcha gonna do
If you don’t make the team?

Whatcha gonna do
If you don’t make the team?

You’re 36
You’ve got one bad knee
And your last two-year contract
Ended in 2003.

Whatcha gonna do
If you don’t make the team?

Whatcha gonna do
If you don’t make the team?

You’re not at home
While your children grow
Your wife’s been waiting
And she deserves to know.

Whatcha gonna do
If you don’t make the team?

Whatcha gonna do
If you don’t make the team?

If you’re the last cut,
Have you had your fill?
Or will you take that deal
In Louisville?

Whatcha gonna do
If you don’t make the team?

Published 6/8/2009