Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Change-up, change-up.
He makes hitters clowns.
It floats to the plate
And it sits right down.
Change-up, change-up.
Off mediocre “heat,”
You feel real comfy,
But still you get beat.
I wonder if Hoffman
Throws change-ups in bed
Or if Mrs. Hoffman
Likes it “dead red.”
By Stu Shea
Where’s Manny?
Where’s Manny?
All Boston’s getting clammy.
The Red Sox are in danger of a troubling declanny.
If “Manny being Manny”
Means pulled muscle or strained hammy,
Opponents dance and laugh
Because he can’t give them the whammy.
If Terry F. is canny,
He’ll come up with a planny
To help the Red Sox win it
Even if they don’t have Manny.
But if Coco’s cold and Papelbon
Cannot escape a jammy,
The Fenway Faithful might cry out
For someone else…like…Sammy?!
Posted 9/26/07
By Stu Shea
John McDonald made a play,
TOR-O-N-T-O,
And on this play he got two outs,
TOR-O-N-T-O,
With a great dive here
And a long throw there,
Here a dive,
There a dive,
Every day a great dive,
John McDonald made a play,
TOR-O-N-T-O.
Posted 9/18/07
by Stu Shea
How can a man like Dmitri Young
Show such talent at bat?
He’s built like a jumbo marshmallow sundae
Topped by a tiny toy hat.
Of course, Babe Ruth was no Adonis,
And Mike LaValliere made his rounds.
Smokey Burgess, Ernie Lombardi,
Both weighed at least 500 pounds.
But in an age of hGH and “vitamin shots,”
It’s nice to see a guy like Young
Do so well with the physique he’s got.
When he lets it all hang, it’s fat that’s hung.
Posted 9/14/2007
By Stu Shea
Hunter Pence is intense
When he climbs the fence
Or knocks a high fastball right out of its stents.
The ‘Stros really stink
But already fans think
That Pence is the way to get out of the drink.
Without Hunter Pence
They’d fold up their tents—
Sans Pence, Houston’s Astros ain’t worth but two cents.
Posted 9/11/2007.