Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
Cubs
A Sure Thing is not
called “A Sure Thing” unless it
hasn’t happened yet
Reds
Jason Marquis back?
Surely this is a sign that
the world is ending.
Brewers
For one final spring,
Aramis Ramirez tries
to avoid diving
Pirates
Could Clint Hurdle
be the Bucs’ final hurdle
to winning a title?
Cardinals
Some with a fresh start
Will soar higher than they could
Down in the southland
Braves
“The Braves will be good”???
…what I like about the South
Is its humility
Marlins
Oh, Giancarlo,
Is 300 mil enough
To stand Loria?
Mets
It was a bright day
When the Wheel fell off the cart
Leaving three good ones
Phillies
Men with few assets
Should not bargain as if they
Can afford to wait
Nationals
The young man acts young;
His elders, who know better,
Lecture and complain
Astros
Unpronounceable,
The Opening Day starter—
It’s Dallas Keuchel!
Angels
The favorite son—
Prodigal again errant—
Setting in the West
Athletics
Old southpaws don’t die
Until they’ve had a chance to
Make the A’s roster
Mariners
A strong-armed fellow
Will bear the expectations
Of the great northwest
Rangers
A once-proud franchise
Sliding down the Banister,
Into pool or pile?
White Sox
Eaton, a Danish,
And fans hungry for more than
Just a few churros
Indians
Can we just bury
That nickname somewhere out by
Bad Knee ligament?
Tigers
‘15 may see a
Tyger! Tyger! Burning bright—
If Verlander’s back
Royals
Sudden royalty
Must beware of slipping back
Toward the commoners
Twins
Hometown hero Paul
Will learn that spring is full of hope
And buds that don’t bloom
Orioles
Hitless in 20…
Not a great way to come back
Is it, Matt Wieters?
Red Sox
New acquisition
For Boston’s Zoo—a panda.
He won’t go hungry.
Yankees
First spring in many
With a wide-open spot where
A legend once trod.
Rays
All the big names gone
And one eye is looking north
Thinking of Quebec.
Blue Jays
It’s hard to know, man…
Can they win without Stroman?
Does Haiku need rhyme?