In a Good Winter

by Richie Hebner

In a good winter,
I’ll dig 50 graves.

It’s good work.
I get 25 bucks a grave.

If it has snowed, you just use a pick and shovel, scoop away the snow, the ground is good and soft.
But if it hasn’t snowed, the ground might be frozen two feet down.
You have to use a pneumatic drill.

One time last winter, the ground was so hard and the weather was so cold I said,
“Ah, that’s deep enough.”
There’s a law that a grave’s got to be so deep,
five feet or something,

And the Rabbi says,
“That’s not deep enough.”

“Did you ever see one get out?”
I asked him.

h/t to Jim Koenigsberger and his great Twitter account, @Jimfrombaseball

 

Wouldn’t Bet Against It

by James Finn Garner

With betting cash flooding in streams,
Could baseball Charlie Hustle redeem?
Likewise Shoeless Joe?
Tucupita Marcano?
The “good of the game” can play odds, it would seem.

Baseball Parity, Chicago Parody

by Dr. Rajesh C. Oza

Had the Dodgers
Lost just one more game,
This sub-600 season woulda been lame.

The winning percentage
Of most every other team,
Was surely a parity-lover’s dream.

Leaving aside the Angels, Marlins, Rockies,
And the historically bad White Sox,
All the other ballclubs had their shots.

Within sniffing distance of the wild card,
A couple of wins here and there
Woulda given your team a playoff share.

If the Mets and Tigers coulda
Advanced to the second round,
My Cubbies, too, shoulda stuck around.

Yeah, there may be MLB pair-a-tee,
But as Steve Goodman’s Dying Cubs Fans know
They still play the blues in Chi-ca-go.

Dr. Oza’s novel Double Play on the Red Line sits at the intersection of Ernie Banks’ Cubs, the Negro Leagues, riding the El, wrongful convictions, immigration and friendship. It will be published in October 2024 by Chicago’s Third World Press.