Reviving the Art of Baseball Doggerel
For Ozzie Guillen:
With umps he will fight for a hitter,
or scream that a pitch was a spitter.
He’ll argue the calls,
that strikes should be balls,
but his tweets have the league all a-twitter.
Hilary Barta’s pop-cult limerick blog, Limerwrecks, is a mandatory daily requirement.
When Ozzie G. twitters a tweet,
He lands his ass in the hot seat.
With a quick 4G link,
He reveals in a wink
That his mouth can hold more than both feet.
Consider the case of Lastings Milledge,
Career on the wane and prospects pillaged.
So many chances, not one of them clicked.
Now playing Triple A out in the sticks.
How cruelly ironic to have that first name,
Success was so fleeting throughout his game.
Drafted and signed with ado and aplomb,
but the years and the game rolled crushingly on.
To what sort of player can you really relate:
The superstars, scrubs — or should-have-been-greats?
The White Sox must be the only act around
Who can spend $120 million
And not produce a hit
In Motown.
By Stuart Shea
CHICAGO WHITE SOX
Will Morel mushroom
into a good third baseman
Or just become waste?
CLEVELAND INDIANS
Um…Jack Hannanan?
In the lineup? At third base?
It’s not April 1.
DETROIT TIGERS
The Tigers, a team
of 25 question marks.
A growl? A meow?
KANSAS CITY ROYALS
Ending up with Jeff
Francoeur…that’s a real bad day
At the rummage sale.
MINNESOTA TWINS
If he keeps winning,
Carl Pavano can look like
A porn star all year.